- Refs are always after commas or full stop.
- There is no space between a comma, full stop and a ref.
- To get the references right you must always add a "Reflist" otherwise they will just end up at the bottom of the page, last after all other possible "External links" or Footers.
- You don't need to sign anything in a sandbox, only on the sandbox's talk page, which is this page.
- When naming refs it is best to use only small letters and no spaces. So don't write "Holy See" but "holysee". That way it is not complicated and nothing will get lost.
- "Cite journal" is only used for scientific journals, other magazines are just "cite news" or "cite web".
- The "title" in a ref should always be the title of the article, not just a word you call it.
- The subject is never called by first name in an article unless there are very special reasons for doing so, like a stage name "Madonna" or something like that. It's demeaning and sounds like you are familiar with her which could get you reported for WP:COI... Always use the last name.
- → I will write more comments here as I go through the article. w.carter-Talk 19:16, 25 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I assume her maiden name was Trummer, or is it the other way around??
- When you have a book as ref, you don't use "accessdate".
- I can't find the page for "royalfamily" but it is not necessary to provide refs to describe such prominent people as Queen Elizabeth or the Pope, a link to their articles is quite enough.
- Always look for the writer of the article and add her/his name to the ref.
- Part of the URL/web address of the "Ring" ref is missing so I can't find it.
- Be very careful so that you don't use the same ref name for two different sources!!! Then they will end up together! That is why so many are under one tag the "magazine". I have given them new, better names so that they will not get mixed up. I did not know that you had done this when I answered your question on my talk page, I thought they were the same. Sorry. Look in the text and you will see the difference.
- When you use the same ref the second, third, etc. time you just mention the name and add a
/ to it, like this: <ref name=golden> and then <ref name=golden />
- Always write which page of the pdf the facts are on, I can't go through all the pages to look for where you have found the facts.
- Link to articles in the refs when you can find such.
- When you have a date with two months like March-May, only use the last. The template can't accept two and the last is when it was published.
- I don't know why you could not find an URL for "Ring in a new season"? I found one, perhaps I made a mistake...
- Don't use abbreviations, write the whole name.
 Done for now. w.carter-Talk 20:41, 25 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]
More copy editing and things[edit]- Don't use words that have a loaded meaning, positive or negative like "recognized", "emphatic", . The article should be as neutral as possible. You should take a closer look at the help page Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch.
- Added some other links as well. Linked "desktop" to desk to avoid people thinking she was into computer things where that word is mostly used these days.
- It is her jewelry that is sculpture-like not the brand.
- "career" and "project" are not spelled with capital letters within a sentence.
- Don't use "in her beloved land of", you are writing an encyclopedia entry not a novel.
- "Item" is pretty vague, say what it is instead, a chalice and works of art are written with italics so it is Cup of David.
- Try not to repeat the same thing twice in a sentence like "created" and "designed and made". Don't write too long sentences, give the reader time to breath!
- "the international competition Jerusalem 3000" ?? What kind of competition was that? A jewelry competition, religious competition, wine glass competition?? ;)
- Don't use abbreviations like NSW, spell it out and link it New South Wales. Some kid in Angola reading this article may not know what that means otherwise.
- It is ok to create a red link for golden labradorite, thereby indicationg that it is not the usual labradorite and that someone should write that article (maybe you? :) ).
- Which "Jerusalem Museum" do you mean?
- Don't use words like "sparkled worldwide recognition", see WP:FLOWERY. You are clearly impressed by this designer and have a hard time keeping the language neutral.
- You sometimes put the words in such order that it is actually hard to understand what you mean. I have grown used to how you speak, so I can understand most of it but it would help if I knew what your native language is when I decipher your writing. I would guess French, but it could be something else.
- Use more plain language than "Head of the Holy See" like "the Pope".
- Magazine titles should be in italics, so Sussex Style.
- You don't "submit" jewelry, you "donate" it.
- Don't make statements like "leading world expert on jewellery" that is a far too biased wording, just use "jewelry historian" since it is his occupation.
- What "US officials"? The State, the FBI, the health department? Be more specific.
- Don't call someone "Secretary of State" who is only "Secretary of State of New York", those are two very different levels of office. :)
- You should use the template {{As of|year}} when something is likely to change over time. This will alert those editors keeping watch over such thing about this.
- "During this period" is too vague, try to be specific with numbers instead.
- "Earth rare minerals" seems a little redundant, most minerals used in jewelry are from Earth, not many have minerals from the moon or Mars.
- Avoid time-based statements like "the latest CAD and laser technologies", such a statement will be inaccurate next year. Just say "CAD and laser technologies".
- Never ever use statements like "In the UK Angelett jewellery designs continue to set standards for originality, beauty, and craftsmanship:". If you do that people will start to question your neutrality and wonder if you are being paid to write things like that in the article. Even if the source you are using says so, you can never use that kind of language in an article.
- When did the ring become "The First British Jewellers' Association Palladium Jewellery Award winner"?
- "many prestigious venues" is not a good way of expressing this since it is not neutral and smells of bias.
Done So the first read-through and corrections are done. Please look at all my notes here. We will probably have to go over the article several times before it is ready for the main. At least now we know that she fulfills the notability criteria with works included in prominent collections and articles about her in peer magazines. It would also be great if you could put together a chronological list of her exhibitions in a new section at the end. Cheers, w.carter-Talk 16:40, 27 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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