Talk:Jim Sheddan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 04:19, 27 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I plan to review this article for GA class. Djmaschek (talk) 04:19, 27 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Zawed: Please fix or argue your case to leave it alone. Thanks. Djmaschek (talk) 19:59, 29 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Second World War, paragraph 1: "Prone to ill-discipline and excessive drinking". (It is not 100% clear to me whether this clause applies to Sheddan or to the whole squadron. Please clarify.)

Have revised this section a little for clarity. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 1: "had to be towed by to England" (Typo: Remove "by".)

Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 2, sentence 1: "The following spring" (Change to: "In spring 1944". The previous paragraph already stated, "In October the following year". Giving the year keeps the reader from having to refer back to the previous paragraph.)

Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 3, sentence 1: "commissioned ... in September" ("September 1944".)

Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 4: "However, his wingman was killed during the encounter and the upset Sheddan never put in a formal claim." (I understand the meaning. However, when I first read the sentence, I was confused when I got to "the upset Sheddan" and had to reread it. Perhaps, the sentence would read more smoothly if it said something like: "Sheddan was so upset that he never put in a formal claim.")

I have rephrased this along the lines suggested. @Djmaschek:, thanks for picking this article up for review, I have responded to your feedback as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]