Talk:Jilly Kitzinger/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: GAtechnical (talk · contribs) 23:10, 29 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

First things first, caption on infobox image.

as part of a new co-production between Torchwood's British network, BBC One, and its American financiers on US premium television network Starz. Ambrose appears in seven of the ten episodes, and is credited as a "special guest star" throughout.

New needs to be dropped. Appears needs to be turned into appeared and is into was credited as.

commentary on mass-media. Should it be the mass media?

Jilly first appears in the second episode of Miracle Day where she offers the controversial Oswald Danes (Bill Pullman), a recently released convicted child murderer and paedophile, representation. Think controversial can be dropped.

with him assured as a client Jilly sets out to sell his celebrity status in addition to the public image of drug company Phicorp and "Miracle Day" itself. Needs a comma or semi colon after celebrity status.

respected Washington DC surgeon Vera Juarez (Arlene Tur), but she allies herself with Torchwood. Fail to see what name dropping Washington does here.

she is told by a mysterious blue-eyed man (Teddy Sears) that she has started to become noticed by "the right people" through her role as Danes' publicist. Informed better than told here

"End of the Road" sees the tension between Kitzinger and Danes reach a climax; when Danes learns that he has been made "Category Zero" – someone due to be incinerated for moral reasons under emergency legislation. May be better if The tension between Kitzinger and Danes reaches a climax in End of the road, rest of sentence. Flow a bit better me thinks

Jilly is involved in the commercial side of Miracle Day, and provides commentary on how global events are often "spun for profit". FOr some reason this isn't sitting right. Philcorp possibley need name dropping in this sentence. Something like Through Jilly's work at Philcorp she is involved in the commercial side...

Do we really need to know that the BBC website was revamped?

The one line last paragraph and the image of ambrose from 12 years ago spoil it imo. Image will have to stay but the paragraph could be moved I think or expanded.

Been over two weeks and nothing from writer despite being active, so closing this. Wizardman 03:36, 17 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]