Talk:Jerry West/GA1

GA Review

Hello, I will be reviewing this article. Check back soon (My apologies for the delay in starting this... had some personal business to take care of!) CarpetCrawler (talk) 00:45, 28 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

This article is VERY well written, and very accurately sourced, however, I just have a few issues that I'd like to see resolved, before I can pass this article. They are as follows.

"Eventually becoming the team's starting small forward, West quickly established himself as one of the finest West Virginian high school players of his generation; West was named an All-State from 1953–1956, and an All-American in 1956, when he was also named West Virginia Player of the Year after becoming the state's first high-school player to score more than 900 points in a season and averaged 32.2 points per game; his trademark became his midrange jump shot, which he often used to hit high-pressure baskets.[1]" - That is an incredibly long almost run-on sentence, even with the semi-colons. I suggest you separate it into separate sentences.

Done Split into 3 new sentences —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"At first, West felt odd in his new environment. He was a loner, his high-pitched voice earned him the nickname "Tweety Bird", and he spoke with such a thick Appalachian accent that his team mates also referred to him as "Zeke from Cabin Creek", acknowledging his hillbilly roots; whenever West tried to pronounce this nickname, he would say it as "Zeek fr'm Cab'n Creek".[13]" - Once again, a very long sentence, that can instead be two sentences.

Done Split into 2 new sentences —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"The two teams split the first two games, and in Game 3 in L.A., West tied the game at 115, and Sam Jones of the Celtics inbounded the ball at half-court with |three seconds left." - Remove the "|".

Done Deleted —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Veteran coach Fred Schaus retired, and Butch Van Breda Kolff took over; under his reign, the Lakers won 52 games in the 1967–68 NBA season in their first year in the The Forum." - Needs a reference.

Done See the new ref —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"On July 9, 1968, the Lakers made a spectacular trade which brought center Wilt Chamberlain to Los Angeles at the beginning of the 1968–69 NBA season." - Whom/what did they trade away to get Wilt? Draft picks? Cash? Players?

Done Added that the Lakers lost Imhoff, Clark and Chambers plus Goodrich. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"In the 1969–70 NBA season under new coach Joe Mullaney, the Lakers' season began with a shock when Wilt Chamberlain seriously injured his knee and missed practically the whole regular season." - This needs a reference.

Done Page 227 of Wilt's bio retells the whole yukky story. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"After a slump in the early 1990s, West rebuilt the team of coach Del Harris around center Vlade Divac and guard Nick Van Exel, which won 48 games, reached the 1995 NBA Finals and went to the Western Conference Semifinals; for turning the team around, West received his first Executive of the Year Award.[41]" - Pretty sure the Rockets represented the West in the 1995 NBA Finals. Perhaps you meant playoffs?

Done Corrected the mistake. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

In most of the references/citations, it looks like you tried to link the dates. Remove those, as the date are to be left alone.

Done I hope I got em all —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

When my requirements are met, I will DEFINITELY pass this article, as it is fantastic and VERY well-written. Wonderful job by everyone who worked on it. Please send me a message on my talkpage, if you have finished fixing up the article, or if you have any questions. Thanks, and good luck! CarpetCrawler (talk) 23:42, 28 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the very detailed and constructive review, it was a very rewarding process following this input. I hope this removed the majority of the problems, and just drop me a line if not. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 22:34, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Fantastic work, this article now easily passes, congratulations! What a wonderful re-write of the article! CarpetCrawler (talk) 02:34, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Yoohoo!! Thanks for the green plus and for your extensive review. —Onomatopoeia (talk) 20:08, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]