Talk:Jeffrey Drebin
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Nice pithy article, and I loved how you (at WT:MED) acknowledged your paid COI, while asking for feedback and editing assistance to ensure objectivity, all done in a crisp, clean, guileless manner.
I made a couple of edits, and here are two suggestions:
- Perhaps change "He serves as the chair of the Department of Surgery at Memorial Sloan Kettering" to "He serves as Department of Surgery Chair at Memorial Sloan Kettering." The title, "Department of Surgery Chair" doesn't sound right to me, probably because it's a recent change from "Department of Surgery Chairman". Upon repeated use, "Department of Surgery Chair" will sound normal. (It probably already does for younger adults.)
- For the last sentence in the Career section, "His research focuses on the development of new targeted therapies", consider adding a few words indicating the organ (or organ systems) and disease entities the therapies target.
All the best - Mark D Worthen PsyD (talk) 07:22, 22 August 2018 (UTC)
- @Markworthen: Thanks for the feedback on both my conduct and my content. I like your suggestion to retitle his position; the way it was written feels a little too wordy, and "Department of Surgery Chair", while being a recent change, is more succinct. I went ahead and implemented that. Regarding your second point, the sources I saw don't explicitly describe the nature of the "new targeted therapies", but I felt that by prefacing the statement with the description of the types of cancers he treats (pancreatic, gallbladder, bile duct, liver, and stomach), it would be sufficient to suggest that these were his areas of focus. Do you have any suggestions for how I could rewrite this to either deepen that connection, or better word it to eliminate that ambiguity?--FacultiesIntact (talk) 00:30, 25 August 2018 (UTC)