Talk:Jeff Bezos/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Balon Greyjoy (talk · contribs) 00:07, 1 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Looking forward to reviewing this article. @LivinRealGüd: feel free to address my comments as I'm working through the review, as I don't expect you to wait until my review is done. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 00:07, 1 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
Lead
"went to work" change to "worked" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"and expanded to a wide variety of products and services" change to "has expanded" and remove "wide" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"most recently video and audio streaming" change "most recently" to "including" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos diversified his business interests when he founded aerospace company Blue Origin in 2000" "diversified his business interests" is editorializing; recommend removing that from the sentence Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Blue Origin started test flights to space in 2015 and plans for commercial suborbital human spaceflight beginning in 2018" change 'started' and 'plans' to keep the same tense; my recommendation is "has planned to begin commercial suborbital human spaceflight in 2018" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos also has a number of other business investments that are managed through Bezos Expeditions." should become more concise, along the lines of "Bezos managers other business investments through Bezos Expeditions" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Consider removing the specific date update for Bezos's net worth, ending the paragraph at Bezos becoming the a centi-billionaire Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"and is contended to be on track to become the wealthiest person in contemporary history" the sources you have for this clause contradict each other, as one suggests Bezos is the richest man in history and the other argues that he has much less money than Rockefeller, Carnegie, or Ford Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Yeah, this one was a complicated edit. I have removed it because I do agree with your previous suggestion (one line above). Perhaps later we can get an editor consensus or I can re-word it so it makes a bit more sense. Right now it seems that most people don't know what to do with his net worth's value in history. LivinRealGüd (talk) 22:27, 1 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

My take on this is that, especially because it's the lead section, significance should be placed on him becoming a centi-billionaire and the world's richest person. But since his wealth fluctuates so much with changes in Amazon stock prices, the day-to-day wealth isn't as important, and it's difficult to compare his wealth to historical individuals.

Agreed. LivinRealGüd (talk) 00:10, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and education
"a teenage mother, Jacklyn Gise Jorgensen, and father Ted Jorgensen, a Chicago native" Change to "born to Jacklyn Jorgensen ((née Gise) and Ted Jorgensen." If there is any information on Ted's occupation, include that as well. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His mother was seventeen years old and still in high school at the time of his birth." Name Jacklyn in the sentence, and I recommend putting Jeff's birth as a preceding dependent clause. My take is "At the time of her son's birth, Jacklyn was a seventeen-year-old high school student." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"After her nearly one-year marriage to Jorgensen came to an end, she married her second husband, Miguel "Mike" Bezos. Mike was a Cuban immigrant who moved to the U.S. aged 15" Combine these to a single sentence. My take is: "After divorcing Ted Jorgensen, Jacklyn married Miguel "Mike" Bezon, a Cuban immigrant, in April 1968" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Shortly after the wedding, Mike Bezos adopted four-year-old Jorgensen, whose surname was then changed to Bezos" Move the wedding date to the previous sentencem and remove "then" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His maternal ancestors were settlers who lived in Texas and over the generations acquired a 25,000-acre (101 km2 or 39 miles2) ranch near Cotulla, Texas. In later life Bezos grew this land to a 300,000-acre (1,214 km2 or 468 miles2) ranch complex. Bezos' maternal grandfather was Lawrence Preston Gise, a regional director of the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission (AEC) in Albuquerque. Gise retired early to the ranch, where Bezos spent many summers as a youth, working with him. Bezos' maternal grandmother was Mattie Louise Gise (née Strait), through whom he is a cousin of country singer George Strait." Recommend reorganizing this. Introduce Bezos' grandparents first, then mention the ranch, and mention at the end that Bezos would later grow the ranch. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"attended the Student Science Training Program at the University of Florida, receiving a Silver Knight Award in 1982" 'attended' and 'receiving' switch tense Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In 1986, Bezos graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Princeton University with a 4.2 grade point average and Bachelor of Science degrees in electrical engineering and computer science." Phi Beta Kappa is an honor society, and this sentence should reflect that Bezos was a member of it Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
"computer science as a member of Phi Beta Kappa" change to "computer science, and was a member" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Business career
Early career
"Bezos was offered employment contracts with Intel, Bell Labs, and Andersen Consulting." 'employment contracts' is a strange way to refer to getting a job offer; recommend either shortening this sentence Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He opted to work at a start-up company called Fitel. Hired as its 11th employee, he was tasked with building a network for international trade." Combine this in to one sentence, and make it sound more objective/encyclopedic instead of a narrative (e.g. "Bezos worked at Fitel" instead of "He opted to work...") Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"The company wanted to build a "worldwide telecommunications network for trading firms" that would assist them in clearing and settling "cross-border equity transactions"." Paraphrase the quotes, and put the description of Fitel in to the previous sentence. Much of this information is tangential, when all that needs to be said is that Bezos worked at a financial telecom company Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His background in computer programming had him quickly promoted to head of development and director of customer service." This reads like a narrative; instead state that Bezos was promoted to head of development and customer service Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"As the head of development, he traveled on a weekly basis from New York to London" This seems tangential; is it relevant to Bezos's time at the company?

I wanted to illustrate that it was a contributing factor to his leave. I re-worded it.. thoughts? LivinRealGüd (talk) 00:42, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The article should not stray in to the specifics of Bezos's thoughts on the tasks of his old job; it comes across as a narrative instead of an encyclopedic article. I would say that my overall feedback for the article (having not yet typed all of it up) is that it reads like a story that tries to explain the rationale, motives, and thoughts of Bezos and those around him. While that is a perfectly valid way to tell a narrative, it is not in line with the Wikipedia format. In this example, the article needs to state that Bezos was working at a bank before leaving to found Amazon, but does not need to elaborate on why he decided to leave a given job. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 01:10, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Balon Greyjoy, Gotcha. That makes a lot of sense.

Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk) LivinRealGüd (talk) 03:40, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"After spending an unfruitful two years at the company, he left to take up a job in the banking industry." Remove this sentence, and just state that he transitioned to the bankingindustry when you describe taking a job at DE Shaw/Bankers Trust Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He reflected on his time at Fitel as a lesson in how not to "organize a start-up company"." In keeping with the encyclopedic nature, this shouldn't be noting Bezos's criticism of individual employers Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"After working there from 1988 to 1990, he began searching for a technology-related field." This does not flow with the rest of the current paragraph, as he continues to work for a bank. It is clear that he eventually transitions to the tech industry when he begins at Amazon Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"During the late 1980s, a new hedge fund was founded by computer scientist David E. Shaw called D. E. Shaw & Co.[30] The job blended technology and finance in a way that attracted Bezos" This reads like an advertisment for DE Shaw, and should be removed. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos noted meeting Shaw as a good experience; he described Shaw as "artistic, articulate, and analytical"." Bezos's opinion of his boss is tangential information, and does not keep with the encyclopedic goal of the article. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Aged 26, he was hired by Shaw to work on Internet-enabled business opportunities at the fund. From 1990 to 1994, he worked at the fund eventually rising to serve as the fourth senior vice president.[30] Bezos' work primarily dealt with "exploring new business opportunities in the burgeoning world of the Internet"" Combine these sentences to a single sentence. Describe that Bezos worked at hedge fund DE Shaw from 1990-1994, and would serve as fourth senior vice president. This should not include any quotes, and remove the job descriptions, as they are vague and non-specific. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Amazon

My overarching feedback for this section is that it includes far too many quotes, and gives too much detail regarding the operations and finances of Amazon. While Bezos is obviously very closely linked to Amazon, much of the information about its performance can and should be found on the Amazon page. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 02:22, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"After Bezos heard of growth of the Internet during late 1993, he decided to start an online book depository that primarily dealt in exchange and marketing.[31] Upon reflection, Bezos said: "When I'm 80, am I going to regret leaving Wall Street? No. Will I regret missing the beginning of the Internet? Yes."[30] During this rapid growth, a new U.S. Supreme Court ruling exempted mail order companies from collecting sales taxes in states where they lack a physical presence. He left his high paying job at D. E. Shaw to set up his new company. When he told his boss that he wanted to start an Internet bookstore, Shaw thought it was a great idea for someone who didn't already have a high paying job." This section is tangential. The first sentence discusses the thoughtws, instead of the actions, of Bezos. The "no regrets" quote is discussed later in the article. The Supreme Court ruling, while important to the costs of Amazon, is not directly related to Bezos himself, and belongs in the Amazon page. Bezos's former boss's opinion of him leaving is also unecessary information. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He founded Amazon on July 5, 1994, after driving from New York to Seattle, writing up its business plan on the way.[33] The company started in Bezos' garage in Seattle.[34] Bezos chose the name "Amazon" because it began with the first letter of the alphabet and was associated with the Amazon River in South America." These few sentences could be pared down. I recommend stating that Bezos moved to Seattle in 1994, where he began Amazon in his garage. Also, I recommend shortening the setence about the naming of Amazon, as it reads awkwardly. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"During the early years there, he gained a reputation for being a carefree mogul and while also being a micromanager." Others' opinions of Bezos do not belong in an encyclopedic article. Additionally, since there is a section about the leadership style, discussions of micromanagement are more appropriate there. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" During its early years, the public rejected Amazon because it was so specifically geared toward the selling of books, however, Bezos argued that it was a technology company charged with making online transactions more intuitive for clients." This is a run-on sentence, and doesn't reveal much information, as Bezos's entire business model today is about making online shopping accessible. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Three years after Bezos founded Amazon, he moved to take it public with an initial public offering (IPO) of $18.00/share in May 1997" Remove the per-share price, as that is more Amazon-specific than Bezos information. Additionally, it is redundant to put "Three years after" and "May 1997." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He warned many investors that there was a 70% chance of failure.[37] After a couple of years of modest performance, the price of the stock began to lag behind the competition and it fell below the predictions of Wall Street. In 1999, financial reporters took to calling Amazon "Amazon.bomb" for its poor stock performance.[38] Bezos was the target of many of these reports because his outgoing personality could not make up for the market dominance of other, more established companies." This is about the performance of Amazon, and is tangential for Bezos's Wikipedia article. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In response to reporters from Fortune and Barron's, Bezos maintained that the growth of the Internet would overtake market competition from larger retailers such as Borders and Barnes & Noble." Instead of having Bezos counter reporters, this should be about Bezos countering lagging performance of his company. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"To push Amazon forward, Bezos developed the mantra "Get Big Fast", which spoke to the company's need to scale its operations and establish market dominance. He printed the slogan on t-shirts distributed among his employees." The 'Get Big Fast' falls under leadership style. Additionally, the t-shirts is extraneous information. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In December 1996, it was reported that Amazon's customer base held steady at 180,000. A year later it had 1 million customers and had revenues in excess of $148 million in 1997, up from $15.7 million the year previous." This is more appropriate for the Amazon page, as it is specifically about Amazon performance. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In early 2000, Amazon began hosting in-house storage for vendors; this new procedure expanded customer loyalty.[35] When the Dot-com Bubble burst and significantly impacted the technology market, Amazon weathered the crisis by spending heavily and focusing on building its brand rather than generating income" This is also mostly about Amazon operations, and not about Bezos's actions. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In 2002, Bezos launched Amazon Web Services, which compiled data from weather channels and website traffic." While Bezos did have a hand in AWS, this reads as Bezos, not Amazon, launched the service. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" During this time, he began stressing the idea of putting customers instead of competitors first.[41] Chris Anderson noted Amazon's business philosophy as attentive to "niche markets and customer service" This seems tangential, as prioritizing customers is not something unique to Bezos. Additionally, Anderson's comments seem out of place, especially as Amazon transitioned to a market for all. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"During late 2002, rapid spending from Amazon caused it financial distress after revenues stagnated.[43] Bezos borrowed $2 billion from select banks with only $350 million in holdings.[43] After nearly becoming bankrupt, Bezos closed distribution centers and laid off 14% of the Amazon workforce." This is important information, but should be pared down to 1 or 2 setences. Additionally, it needs to be stated that Amazon, not Bezos, nearly became bankrupt. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In 2003, Amazon turned a profit of $400 million and Bezos gave a TED Talk titled "The electricity metaphor for the web's future" where he detailed the events of the dot-com bubble.[44] In 2005, he disclosed that Amazon was interested in entering the video streaming and rental business, however, he preferred to not elaborate on Amazon's business strategies at that time." While it should be noted that Amazon made a financial recovery, it should be a shorter sentence. Additionally, the TED talk, and his suggestion about video service seems tangential. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In November 2007, Bezos launched the Amazon Kindle and announced its price of $399 to negative reaction.[45] The high sticker price reflected his belief that the Kindle served as the "iPod of reading" and separated its hardware and eBook businesses separate.[45][46] According to a 2008 Time profile, Bezos wished to create the same flow state found in video game simulations in books; he wished readers would fully engage with books.[47] In 2013, Bezos secured a $600 million dollar contract with the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) on behalf of Amazon Web Services.[48] " While products that Amazon launched should be noted, the text should be reduced to not include specific pricing and design decisions." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In October that year, Amazon was named the largest online shopping retailer in the world, which prompted Bezos to state: "Eighteen years ago I was trucking packages to the post office in my Chevy Blazer, I can assure you I did not expect to happen what happened"." This quote is unecessary, as it just illustrates that Amazon has grown. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

The last two paragraphs under Amazon can be reduced considerably. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Blue Origin

This section is a marked improvement over the Amazon section. It does delve into Blue Origin operations, but at a topical level that is still relative in a Jeff Bezos biography. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 03:41, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]
" His motivation to do so was a result of his fascination with space travel,[62] including an early interest in developing human life in the solar system. A profile published in 2013 described a 1982 Miami Herald interview he gave after he was named high school class valedictorian. The 18-year-old Bezos stated that he wanted to build and develop hotels, amusement parks and colonies for human beings in orbit." Important section to show a long history of interest in space. However, I think this should be reduced to 2 sentences that discuss his long interest, and mention the interview he gave. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"came into public spotlight" show be 'entered the public' and this should also have a date associated with it Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos met with Richard Branson, chairman of Virgin Galactic in 2013" This should begin with the date the two men met Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" In 2016, he opened up the Blue rocket design and manufacturing facility to journalists for the first time, and gave extensive interviews that included an articulation of his vision for space and for Blue Origin." This does not seem notable, as it appears that he gave a tour and an interview, and it doesn't provide any information as to his vision for Blue Origin Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Blue Origin was in an extensive flight test program of New Shepard which expects to begin carrying test passengers in 2017 and initiate commercial flights in 2018" This needs to be updated, as no manned test flights have occured. Furthermore, it needs to be updated so the verb tense is consistent throughout the sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

The Washington Post

Few critiques for this section, as some of it reads like a defense of Bezos, but another well-done section.
"Shortly after the announcement of intent to purchase, the paper published a long-form profile of Bezos on August 10, 2013." This seems unnecessary, it is just about the newspaper publishing an article about Bezos. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He conducted no due diligence when accepting the first offer from former Washington Post owner Donald E. Graham" I read the referenced material, and I know that the lack of "due diligence" is a quote from Bezos, but this seems like a comment taken out of context. Since it is a $250 million purchase of a major newspaper, I'm sure that Bezos and his people did their "homework" before purchasing, as indicated by them setting up a corporation to manage the newspaper. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Some reporters, media outlets, and politicians have expressed concern about a potential conflict of interest between Bezos and the paper.[79] Accusations of Bezos unfairly controlling the paper's content have been dismissed by Bezos, the editorial board, and most media outlets.[80] The paper routinely runs critical articles about Bezos and his business ventures, including one which accused Amazon of being a dangerous monopoly" I think it is fair, if not good, to point out that people have raised concerns about a conflict of interest, the last 2 sentences seem defensive of Bezos instead of neutral. I think it's best to reduce this to a sentence about people claiming a conflict of interest, and ending the sentence that this is a claim that Bezos and the Washington Post editorial board have denied. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Since his purchase of the paper in 2013, the first profitable year was in 2016 after a surge in online-only readership.[82] In January 2018, the paper posted its third profitable year, doubling its digital subscriptions. Similar to early strategies undertaken at Amazon, Bezos reincorporated the paper's profit in order to expand its headquarters, grow its editorial team, and continue investing in technology" It's good to note that the paper has become profitable since Bezos's acquisition, but I don't think there should be repeat sentences about the profits. Futhermore, the last sentence is not neutral, as it appears to praise Bezos as a leader. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Bezos Expedition

Not much in the way of critiques for this section.
"Bezos makes personal investments through his venture capital vehicle, Bezos Expeditions. Through this, he has backed companies across a wide range of industries" Recommend reducing this to a single sentence, as it's redundant to state the use of a venture capital firm in the second sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Remove the list structure of the different companies, as it is excessive. I would recommend using a sentence to highlight the companies that Bezos Expeditions is most involved in. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Public Image

This section, minus the leadership sub-section, which I will address separately, needs a significant overhaul. It is relevant to discuss his public image of nerdy Silicon Valley CEO transition to a more stereotypical corporate billionaire, but this section is overly detailed. The sentences about his leadership style should be moved to the leadership style sub-section, and his personal details should be moved to his personal life section.

I have made a fairly extensive edit to the section. Let me know what you think. LivinRealGüd (talk) 04:36, 4 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Leadership Style

A good section that could still use some work, and should take in some of the leadership-related content from the public image section. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 04:29, 2 April 2018 (UTC) Done. Sections moved. LivinRealGüd (talk)[reply]
"His most known rendition of this life philosophy was quoted as "When I'm 80, am I going to regret leaving Wall Street? No. Will I regret missing the beginning of the Internet? Yes."" While this may be the best-known quote from Bezos, it's difficult to say that it is a the most well-known quote, as that is a difficult metric to measure. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos does not schedule early morning meetings and applies a two pizza rule: no meetings where two pizzas cannot feed everyone in the board room." While the two-pizza rule is interesting and should be explained, this needs to be a complete sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" Started in 1998, Bezos publishes an annual letter for Amazon shareholders, clients, staff, and customers. In this letter, aside from detailing company growth, Bezos elaborates on his leadership style. His letters frequently refer to five principles: focus on customers not competitors, take risks for market leadership, facilitate staff morality, build a company culture, and empower people." This should be reduced to a single sentence, including the five principles. Additionally, make sure the tense of the verbs remains consistent. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Recognition

No concern.
Wealth

This section is informative, but is overly detailed about the changes in Bezos's wealth. Since the year is usually stated in sentence, removed the "aged" sections of sentences. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
"He lost $500 million the following year, which brought his net worth to his lowest point at $1.5 billion." This sentence doesn't make much sense, as he previously had less than $1.5 billion. I know that you mean since he became a billionaire, but it could be confusing to a reader. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

An overal critique I have is the removal of the yearly change in wealth. Acknowledge milestones such as becoming a millionaire, billionaire, centi-billionaire, but don't provide a yearly update, since it is included in the table.

I believe that this is the most comprehensive account of his wealth in existence and due to the wide-spread usage of Wikipedia can be a immense resource for readers. I will compromise with you twice on this one actually. I will remove all the non-notable changes in wealth and of the notable changes retained I will shorten and combine date spans. I hope this is enough. My revision can be found here. LivinRealGüd (talk) 04:52, 4 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The table should be updated to reflect the current year, as its most recent year is 2008 Done. It seems to be updated to 2018, already. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"According to Maxim, his wealth, in 2017-18 terms, equaled that of 2.7 million Americans." This sentence reads awkwardly. Remove the "According to Maxim" part, and just cite it instead. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Personal Life
"off-kilter" is a colloquialism; use a different term Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Use "helicopter" instead of "chopper" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Recalling the event, Bezos stated: "The biggest takeaway is: Avoid helicopters whenever possible! They're not as reliable as a fixed-wing aircraft."" This quote seems unecessary. If Bezos actively avoided helicopters now, it would be more relevant, but he is just stating the fact that fixed-wing aircraft are safer. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Politics

Overall, good section. I'll highlight my critiques below. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 05:46, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"David Weigel has written that Bezos supports low taxes and social liberalism." This seems like information that is already addressed in the preceding sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His political donations have been mostly–but not exclusively–to Democratic Party candidates, movements, and politicians." Records of donations should be specific, as it's hard to characterize "mostly." The following sentences about who specifically Bezos has donated to are much more substantial. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"During a 2010 campaign to install an income tax on high net worth individuals in Washington, he donated $100,000 towards a movement against it." Make this sentence shorter. I would recommend starting with the donation and then just say it was against a campaign for the income tax. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Philanthropy
Need citation about the F-1 enging at the Seattle Museum of Flight Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos has notably not signed The Giving Pledge, a promise by the wealthiest of the world to give at least half of their money to charitable organizations." Recommend removing this sentence; it is hard to quantify if this is notable, and comes across as critical of Bezos. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Trump has alluded to potential conflicts of interest between Amazon, the Washington Post, and Bezos. Trump accused Bezos using his business exploits to avoid corporate taxation, gain political influence, and undermine his presidency by spreading what he referred to as fake news." Reduce this to a single sentence, if possible. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
The article has a very high number of quotes, and does not comply with MOS:QUOTE. While certain quotes may be appropriate for statements made by Bezos, this article has numerous quotes from articles that should be in the author's own words to comply with the encyclopedic nature of the article.

I have made a fairly significant revision to the article for it to comply with the quotes manual of style regarding your suggestion. My first couple of edits can be found here and here. I have made additional such edits. The ones I have otherwise retained seem to follow the guidelines regarding original wording and point of view (as you noted above). Eager to hear your thoughts. Let me know what else I can do. LivinRealGüd (talk)

I have still noted some quotes that I find excessive, but this improvement alone has done wonders for the article. Nice job! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 03:46, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

No other issues with MOS.
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
Standardize the date formats for the references. Somare are given "4-2-2018" and others are "April 2, 2018" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Consolidate the Robinson citations so they all reference one full citation in the ref lift. Move the book citation to the first reference, and then continually refer to it by its name. After the citation, use the rp|pp. format to list the page.

@Balon Greyjoy, can you tell me a little more about this? LivinRealGüd (talk) 03:24, 3 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I would recommend checking out the article Thomas P. Stafford (I chose this one because I brought it to GA status and know this is the citation method I used). This citation method allows you to repeatedly cite a single book, while indicating the page(s) that certain information came from. You have numerous entries in the references section for the Robinson book, and that could all be consolidated into a single reference on the list that is just used multiple times. Balon Greyjoy (talk) 03:55, 3 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I think that citation style is interesting. However, I don't think I know how to do it that way. In any case, I'd like to follow the more standard renditions of Template:Cite book and WP:CITE. I modeled my citation style after Abraham Lincoln (good article), Franklin Pierce (featured article), and Barack Obama (featured article). If its good enough for them, it think its good enough for this article. Don't get me wrong, I like the style, I'd just rather not have it tied to the GA Review. Best, LivinRealGüd (talk) 04:46, 3 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

You have incomplete information in some of the tabs, including not having the author listed, despite the author's name being available on the article. Examples include "Jeff Bezos: Blue Origin Wants to Colonize the Solar System" and "What Makes Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos Such a Visionary Leader" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
No concern, other than fixing the citations, especially the Robinson book.

C. It contains no original research:
Nothing other than the uncited material. Done. Citation added to section. LivinRealGüd (talk)

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
Earwig has a very high plagiarism rating, likely a result of all of the direct quotes in the article. I will redo this analysis when the quotes are paraphrased to adhere to MOS:QUOTE.
Even with the quote removal, this is still showing up as very similar to another source. I recommend you take a look at it and begin paraphrasing certain sections. Done. Edit completed. Looks like Bezos is at 29.6%, and Thomas P. Stafford's at 60.5%–a good article. LivinRealGüd (talk)

A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
As mentioned in the overview, this page strays from the main topic quite a bit. I recommend looking at my guide for changing the article to get my opinion on how it could get more focused. Done. Edits completed or addressed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
Again, as mentioned above, the article have unecessarily high amounts of detail for Amazon operation, Bezos's thoughts, and his wealth. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
As mentioned above, the Washington Post section takes a fairly pro-Bezos stance that should be addressed. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
Aside from some blatant vandalism, the only contentious edits appear to be about Bezos's political involvement and his ownership of the Washington Post. However, this doesn't appear to have manifested as an edit way, with only a handful of such edits appearing.
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
No concern.

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Add a year to the caption of the Blue Origin tour and the Adobe of Chaos photos Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Lot of work to be done on this article; hopefully we can get it to a GA! I am done with my initial review, but will likely add comments later (most likely 10-15 seconds after pressing 'Save'). Good luck, and ask me if you have any questions! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 07:52, 2 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Hello Balon Greyjoy! I have completed your suggested edits or otherwise addressed them. Let me know what else I can do. Your suggestions have really spruced the article up. LivinRealGüd (talk) 05:26, 4 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Second Round of GA Review

@LivinRealGüd: Since revisions to this article were so significant, I want to take a second pass at the review. I think the article has progressed significantly, and is on track to become a GA. I see some of your rebuttals to my previous critiques, and think you have raised some good points. Nice job! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 00:05, 5 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
Lead
No concern

Early life and education
"Gise retired early to the ranch, where Bezos spent many summers as a youth, working with him." The ranch needs to be introduced in this sentence. I would suggest combing it with some of the info from later int he paragraph. Something to the effect of "Gise retired early to his family's ranch near Cotulla, Texas, where Bezos would spend many summers in his youth." You can then mention that Bezos has since grown the ranch, and then transition into the relation with George Strait. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Although his maternal ancestors, over the generations, acquired a 25,000-acre (101 km2 or 39 miles2) of land, Bezos would grew this plot into 300,000-acre (1,214 km2 or 468 miles2) ranch complex in later life." This sentence reads awkwardly. My take is "Bezos would later purchase this ranch, and grow it from 25,000 acres to 300,000 acres." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
"Bezos would later purchase this ranch, and grow it from 25,000-acre (101 km2 or 39 miles2) to a 300,000-acre (1,214 km2 or 468 miles2) ranch complex" As you have already named the ranch in the beginning of the sentence, you don't need to add "ranch complex" at the end of the sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Business career
Early career
"He first worked at a start-up financial telecommunications company called Fitel as their 11th employee; he was tasked with building a network for international trade." This reads awkwadly. I would recommend introducing the name of the company first, and then explain it, and also don't split this into two clauses. My take is: "He first worked at Fitel, a financial telecommunications start-up, where he was tasked with building a network for international trade." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"senior vice president, aged 30" I think Bezos's age is extraneous information. However, if you think it should be kept, I recommend making it into a sentence, such as "serving as its fourth senior vice president at the age of 30." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Amazon
"Soon after he left" Take out the 'soon after' as the date of the leaving his job and founding Amazon is in the article. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In late 1993, he decided to start an online book depository that primarily dealt in exchange and marketing. He left his high paying job at D. E. Shaw to set up his new company." I would recommend combinging these two sentences. "Online book depository" is not a common phrase; I would recommend "online book store." Also, it is important to introduce Bezos by name in a new parahraph. My take it "In late 1993, Bezos left his job at D. E. Shaw to start an online book store." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
This are still two sentences in your recent update. If you would like it to remain as such, I recommend removing "that primarily dealt in exchange and marketing" as this is never explained or elaborated upon, and also removing "high paying" as this is a relative value. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Although Amazon was just an online bookstore, he had always envisioned it going beyond the original book depository" I would recommend rephrasing this, and also not having a repeat use of the phrase "online book." My take is "Although Amazon was originally an online bookstore, Bezos had always planned to expand to other products." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"music and video; he expanded to a variety of consumer goods by the end of that same year." I would make this a single flowing sentence instead of two clauses. My take is: "...music and video, and expanded to include a variety of consumer goods by the end of the year." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos personally launched Amazon's Web Services" This is a strange way of putting it, as it implies that Bezos launched a new company instead of a new branch of Amazon. I would change it to "In 2002, Amazon launched Amazon's Web Services" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Amazon was named the largest online shopping retailer in the world" should be "Amazon was named as the largest..." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos initiated wide-spread hiring sprees across company distribution centers a year previous, taking on 130,000 new employees." This is odd that it is out of chronological order from the rest of the paragraph. I would move it after the first sentence, and say "In 2017, Amazon hired 130,000 new employees after Bezos initiated a hiring spree at company distribution centers." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"The comments stripped 9% from Amazon's share value and reduced Bezos' personal net worth by $10.7 billion on March 29." This personifies the comments, which did not reduce to share value; it was consumer and investor response to the comments. My take is "In response to the negative comments, Amazon share prices fell by 9%, reducing Bezos' personal wealth by $10.7 billion." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Despite the accusations, most media outlets called the comments false, inaccurate, or mischaracterizing." This may belong under the MOS section. You should get away from referencing "most media outlets," as that's a subjective term that it hard to prove without citing all of the media outlets. I would see if you can find a source of Bezos personally disputing these comments, and reference that. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Blue Origin
Move or resize the pictures so that the 'Blue Origin' title is flush with the left side of the page. Done. Pictures moved. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"his valedictorian tyrian speech" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Blue Origin was kept secret for a few years; it became publicly known only in 2006 when it purchased a large amount of land in west Texas for a launch and test facility." Remove the semi-color and make this a continuous sentence. Also, I would recommend using a different word than "secret," as it wasn't any sort of classified operation. My take is, "After its founding, Blue Origin maintained a low profile until 2006, when it purchas a large tract of land in West Texas for a launch and test facility." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He indicated that his ambitions in space are not location dependent—Mars, Lunar, asteroidal, etc." Recommend removing this sentence. I know what you mean by it, as all companies would like to travel to all of the places in space, but Blue Origin has clearly prioritized its Earth orbit and lunar mission profiles. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" Despite maintaining his rocket company with a veil of secrecy, he allowed select journalists to visit, tour, and take photos of his facility in 2016." Recommend removing the first part of this sentence to avoid editorializing. My take is "In 2016, Bezos allowed select journalists to visit, tour, and photograph his facility." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"for late-2010s first flight" should be "for a first flight in the late-2010s" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In September 2017, he added that he hoped to colonize the solar system and a month later he sold about $1 billion in Amazon stock" used a different word than 'added', and this also reads awkwardly. My take is "In late-2017, Bezos announced that he hoped to colonize the solar system, and sold $1 billion in Amazon stock" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

See Original Research section for some information/citation issues Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

The Washington Post
"Although The New York Times is typically referred to as the newspaper of record, Bezos expressed an interest in giving his paper's content for free in local American newspapers in an effort to challenge The New York Times' position" It's redundant to say New York Times twice. Recommend changing it to something more along the lines of "Bezos expressed an interest in giving his paper's content for free in local American newspapers in an effort to challenge The New York Times' position as the newspaper of record." Also, see the the Original Research Section Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" Some reporters, media outlets, and politicians have expressed concern about a potential conflict of interest between Bezos and the paper" This needs to be clarified, as it is vague generalize some reported, media outlets, and politicians. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos, the editorial board, and most media outlets" recommend changing this to "Bezos and the Washington Post editorial board." Referencing "most media outlets" is vague. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Since his purchase of the paper in 2013, the first profitable year was in 2016 after a surge in online-only readership." This reads awkwardly. My take is "After a surge in online readership in 2016, The Washington Post was profitable for the first time since Bezos' 2013 purchase. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Bezos Expeditions
No concern

Public Image
"While working in early manifestations of Amazon's headquarters, as a multi-billionaire, Bezos hung his clothes on a rack in his office and drove a 1996 Honda Accord." This reads awkwardly; I recommend shortening it. My take is "As a multi-billionaire, Bezos hung his clothes on a rack in his Amazon headquarters office and drove a 1996 Honda Accord." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Sometime during the early 2010s, while his reputation for imperialistic business practices solidified, his public image began to shift." Reference Bezos by name in this sentence, as it is a new paragraph and shouldn't start off with pronouns. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His physical appearance increased the public's perception of him as a symbolically dominant figure in business and in popular culture. Starting in 2017, he was parodied as being supernatural and akin to an enterprising super villain." Recommend combining these sentences. My take is "His physical appearance increased the public's perception of him as a symbolically dominant figure in business and in popular culture, and he has been parodied as an enterprising super villain." I think it's good (not to mention funny) to mention the super villian joke, but unecessarily detailed to describe multiple related ways that Bezos is parodied. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His physical appearance has been characterized with a height of 5′ 7″ (1.70 m) to 5′ 8″ (1.73 m), a shaved head, and a built physicality." This sentence should be removed. His height is not notable (short or tall), and his shaved head is apparent from photos. Additionally, you describe that he conducts weight training, so this just seems like a redundant sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"His lifestyle also contributes to his public image." This should be removed, as it's true for any public figure. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"According to numerous descriptions of his daily routine, he wakes up naturally between 7:00 and 8:00 a.m. without the aid of an alarm clock." This is unnecessary, as it's not a notably early or late habit that would generate public interest. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"According to numerous descriptions of his daily life, he is known" This should be replaced with "Bezos" as it's vague about the descriptions about his life, and it's vague to say that he is known. Assuming the sources are reliable, you can say that "Bezos eats exotic food..." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In addition to frequenting food trucks," This dependent clause is unnecessary, as although he may eat at food trucks, it's not a notable trait about him. The rest of the sentence is good and notable. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"drew a negative response with the public" should be "negative response from the public" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

" he has been parodied as an enterprising super villain.[96] Starting in 2017, he was parodied as being supernatural and akin to an enterprising super villain." Looks like you forgot to take out the second sentence. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"eats exotic foods such" Need a comma between foods and such Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Leadership style
"He printed the slogan on t-shirts distributed among his employees." I think this sentence is tangential, and is overshadowed the the mantra itself. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"He is said to meet with Amazon investors for a total of only six hours a year." Remove the 'he is said' and reformat to make it a sentence again. It's editorializing to just reference unnamed sources that say this. If it's a reputable source, the sentence should just read "Bezos meets with Amazon..." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Recognition
"In September 2016, Bezos was awarded the Heinlein Prize for Advances in Space Commercialization, which earned him $250,000, which he donated to the Students for the Exploration and Development of Space" Avoid starting two clauses in a row with "which." My take is "In September 2016, Bezos received a $250,000 prize for winning the Heinlein Prize for Advances in Space Commercialization, which he donated to the Students for the Exploration and Development of Space." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Wealth
While I still maintain that this section should be less detailed, you bring up good points about this being the best account of Bezos's wealth, and the section is well-written. It's approval for GA won't be affected by this remaining unchanged. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"After a rumor broke out that Amazon was developing a smartphone, his net worth rose to $30.5 billon despite Bloomberg publishing multiple pieces stating that his wealth declined in 2014." Remove the dispute about Bloomberg. Assuming the source you have is accurate, it's better to not reference bad information put out by other sources. My take is "After a rumor broke out that Amazon was developing a smartphone, his net worth rose to $30.5 billon" Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

In the second, third, and fourth paragraph, the first sentence references Bezos by a pronoun. It should be changed to his name. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Personal life
Move or resize the graph so that 'Personal life' is flush with the left side. Done. Graph resized and moved. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"In 2016, Bezos played a Starfleet official in the movie Star Trek Beyond, later joining the cast and crew at a San Diego Comic-Con screening." Make sure the verb tense is consistent. My take would be "...Star Trek Beyond, and joined the cast and crew..." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Politics
"Jeff Bezos has been profiled as a Democrat, Libertarian, and a Libertarian Democrat" Recommend taking this sentence out, as it is just referencing what others suspect and not what Bezos has outright stated. Additionally, it's confusing, as the last title is just the combination of the first two. Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Despite Bezos' criticism of U.S. president Donald Trump during the 2016 presidential election, he was asked to join Trump's Defense Innovation Board, an advisory council to improve the technology used by the Defense Department." Using 'despite' is editorializing. I would change this to state the facts instead of contrasting the invitation with Bezos's beliefs. My take is "After the 2016 presidential election, Bezos was invited to join Trump's Defense Innovation..." Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

Philanthropy
"Although secretive about his plans, Jeff Bezos" Remove the dependent clause and just begin the sentence with "Jeff Bezos" as the beginning is editorializing his philanthropy Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
As mentioned in some comments above, there are a few cases of WP:EDITORIALIZING Done. Edit completed. LivinRealGüd (talk)
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
No concern.

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
No concern.

C. It contains no original research:
In the last paragraph of the "Blue Origin" section, you reference events that occured in December 2017, but of the 3 sources in the paragrap, the most recent article date in April 2017. Also, there have been no crewed test flights by Blue Origins rockets/capsules. Done. Edit clarified. LivinRealGüd (talk)

"Bezos expressed an interest in giving his paper's content for free in local American newspapers in an effort to challenge The New York Times' position" In the references for this paragraph, I didn't find any information about Bezos hoping to contend with the NY Times. Done. Edit removed. LivinRealGüd (talk)

With the fixes, this looks good.

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
No concern.

A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
This article now maintains a good scope for Jeff Bezos.

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
This article now stays on topic.
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
This article is neutral.
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
No concern.
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
No concern.

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
No concern.
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Great job getting this article up to Good Article status. You really put in the leg work the past few days. In the future, I would recommend performing a GA self-assement on your articles before nominating them; it'll make the review process that much less painful. Best of luck in the future! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 05:15, 6 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Duly noted! Thanks a million for the review, Balon Greyjoy! :) LivinRealGüd (talk) 05:29, 6 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

My second review is complete, and I'll be leaving the page on hold for now. I'll check back for any updates, and will post any additional recommended edits as necessary. Let me know if you have any questions! Balon Greyjoy (talk) 05:40, 5 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]