Talk:Jean Batten/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Trainsandotherthings (talk · contribs) 00:24, 1 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there, I'll be reviewing this article. It's second in line after another GA review I'm doing, but I should have initial comments within 24 hours. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 00:24, 1 January 2022 (UTC) GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria[reply]

I was delayed longer than I would have liked by real life and GA backlog drive coordinator responsibilities, but I'm starting the review now. While the article appears very well written, it's fairly long so it may take me a while to have the review done.

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
~~A few errors identified that need fixing.~~ Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:15, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
All fixed. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 00:17, 7 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
~~Mostly good, a couple things identified in my comments need addressing.~~ Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:15, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Good to go now. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 00:17, 7 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
References are all books, and presented in a proper style. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:42, 2 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
Cited entirely to secondary sources (books). Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:42, 2 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

C. It contains no original research:
Extensively cited. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:42, 4 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
No issues from an Earwig check. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:42, 4 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
Very comprehensive coverage of the subject. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:49, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
The article is certainly long, but it stays focused on Batten throughout. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:49, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
Documents Batten's feats without becoming cheerleading, acknowledges her flaws as well, and gives everything fair weighting. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:49, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
History since October shows copyedits and improvements, no issues here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:49, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
I've verified all images are either public domain or have appropriate licenses. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:42, 2 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Captions are appropriate for the images, and all images are relevant. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:42, 2 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
~~On hold pending remaining comments being resolved.~~ Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:15, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
No further concerns. Article passes. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 00:17, 7 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

General comments

Lead and infobox

"In the years following the war, Batten lived a reclusive and nomadic life with her mother in Europe and the Caribbean. Her mother, a strong personality who dominated her daughter," Instead of using "her mother" twice in close succession, consider naming her mother in the first instance she is mentioned here.
In the infobox, "Record breaking trans-world flights" is unclear to me. "Record breaking solo flights" or "Record breaking trans-oceanic flights" might be better. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:42, 2 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Instead she joined the short-lived Anglo-French Ambulance Corps" Add comma after instead.

Thanks for taking this review of what is quite a lengthy article. It is appreciated. Firstly, I have actioned the above points. Zawed (talk) 10:20, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I wouldn't normally pick up one this long, but it's very well written (notice I'm almost entirely just nitpicking) and an interesting subject! I'm hoping to get through the rest of the article today, and once I do I'm almost certainly going to promote this to GA, and you could definitely consider pursuing FA afterwards if you so choose. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 17:52, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Early Life

"Being the youngest child as well sickly," This reads odd, is there a word missing here? Looks like it needs an "as" after well.
"she was an aloof student with few friends" According to whom? Other students? Teachers?
"Instead, she studied music and ballet with an intention of pursuing a career in one of these endeavours." Not sure I like the use of "endeavours" here, it doesn't seem right to me. Perhaps disciplines or areas would be better alternatives.

All the above done. Zawed (talk) 10:24, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Flying training

Not a fan of this section title, I think "flight training" would be better.
"In May 1927, Batten read of Charles Lindbergh's exploit in flying non-stop across the Atlantic This stirred her childhood interest in aviation," There's a period missing here after Atlantic.
"his Southern Cross Fokker F.VII trimotor monoplane" Whoa, this is a total WP:SEAOFBLUE. Some of these need to be delinked or the sentence rearranged to avoid this issue.
"On meeting him, she declared her intention to learn to fly but Kingsford Smith treated it as somewhat of a joke." A comma is needed after fly. This sentence is a bit weak in general, I'd reword it as "On meeting him, she declared her intention to learn to fly, which Kingsford Smith considered to be a joke." or "On meeting him, she declared her intention to learn to fly, but Kingsford Smith did not take her seriously."
"As a pretext, she told her father that she was going to attend the Royal College of Music although in her autobiography she claimed he knew of her real intentions." A comma is needed after music.
"traveling to Australia and then onto England aboard the RMS Otranto." This should be written as "on to England".
James Street can be wikilinked to James Street, Marylebone.
This actually isn't an issue, but rather an idea for you. The London Aeroplane Club appears to have enough coverage to merit its own article, should you be interested. [1]
"Despite this Batten was still determined" Add a comma after "this".
"This would require her to log 100 hours of flying time although she only recorded 30 by this time" Add "had" between she and only.

All the above done, I have done a redlink for the London Aeroplane Club. Zawed (talk) 10:33, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Record attempts for England to Australia

Shouldn't the section title be "Record attempts from England to Australia"?
She had intended to stop at Marseilles in France but found cruising conditions particularly favourable and was able to eke out her fuel until Rome." Add a comma after France.
"...required her to fly on instruments alone" Consider a link here to Instrument meteorological conditions.
"She discovered that not only was she fortunate to have made a safe landing at her overnight location as it was predominantly soft sand but a sandstorm would have prevented her landing at Baghdad even if she had continued her flight." Add a comma after sand, to help with readability for this long sentence.
"With help from nearby villagers, the aircraft was bodily extracted from the mud but Batten found the propeller had been damaged." The word "bodily" appears unneeded here.
"With the assistance of personnel from the RAF station there, she and her aircraft was retrieved from the crash site and taken to Karachi, where she was put up in a hotel." Consider a link to RAF Karachi.
"although biographer Ian Mackersey states that this was disputed by the family." Disputed by which family? Batten's, or Doree's?
There is no mention of what happened to the first aircraft after it returned to England, can you mention its fate if known?
"Weather conditions were poor but despite this, she continued onto Rome but with only partially full tanks; she had wanted to avoid the Gipsy Moth from becoming bogged down during takeoff on the saturated airfield at Marseilles." Remove the word "from" here.
"Day 14 involved a single leg of two hours to Timor, and for part of the flight across the Alas Strait, she had to deal with particles of ash and cinder from a volcanic eruption on Flores Island." This would be better with the first comma replaced by a semicolon, and the word "and" just after that comma deleted.
"When she landed, at Kupang, was only 530 miles (850 km) from Australia." This sentence needs a rewrite, perhaps as "When she landed at Kupang, she was only 530 miles (850 km) from Australia."

All the above done, I was able to add some detail regarding the fate of the first aircraft. Zawed (talk) 10:58, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

New Zealand tour

Wikilink Union Company here where Union Steam Ship Company is mentioned.
"Returning to Australia, Batten was a radio commentator on the MacRobertson Air Race," The words "at" or "for" instead of "of" might work better here.

All the above done. Zawed (talk) 11:01, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Return to England

Wikilink de Havilland Puss Moth.

Done. Zawed (talk) 11:02, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

England to Brazil

Include the word "Six" in the wikilink in the image caption, to be consistent with the formatting in the body.
The use of Graf Zeppelin is unclear here. Are you referring to the airship LZ 127 Graf Zeppelin specifically? If you're referring to the company which operated Graf Zeppelin and other airships, you would want to refer to DELAG which was the operator in 1934. Otherwise, you could simply say "the route was already in use by Zeppelin airships".
Link "turn indicator" to Turn and slip indicator#Turn indicator.

All the above done. Zawed (talk) 01:54, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Interlude

"Once back in England, she was often attended public engagements and functions" Delete the word "was" here.

Done. Zawed (talk) 01:55, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

England to New Zealand

At operational ceiling, link the term Ceiling (aeronautics) which may not be known by those unfamiliar with aircraft mechanics and operations.
"Her father was among those who greeted her although he was given short-shrift as Batten focussed on the adulation from the crowd and the official reception party." Add a comma after the second instance of "her".

Done. Zawed (talk) 01:58, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Publicity tour

"Batten had steadfastly ignore his pleas to repay the debt." Change "ignore" to "ignored".
"she maintained that her interest was simply as a close friend of one of the missing pilot," Pilot should be "pilots".

Done. Zawed (talk) 01:59, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Australia to England

"where she refueled, and flew onto Batavia to finished her first day." Finished should be "finish".
"It was to be the last long-distance flight Batten was to undertake." Suggest instead "It would be the last long-distance flight Batten was to undertake." or "It was to be the last long-distance flight Batten would undertake."

Done. Zawed (talk) 02:01, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

European tour

Everything looks good to me in this section.

Second World War

"Initially, there was no place for women but in early 1940 a female section was formed at Hatfield with Amy Johnson being an early member." Add a comma after women.

Done. Zawed (talk) 02:04, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Later life

"However, she insisted on seclusion and did not mix with other former acquaintances while there and after a time returned to Tenerife." Add a comma after there.

Done. Zawed (talk) 02:06, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Return to public life

"Once in London, she attended a number of events, and was with Sir Francis Chichester when he started the air face." Pretty sure you mean air race rather than air face.
Wikilink Francis Chichester.
"Another observed the dichotomy in her personality; introverted in private and but very much an extrovert when at public events in her honour." Delete the word "and".
Wikilink Qantas.
Wikilink Ninety-Nines.
Wikilink Concorde
"While there, her solo record for the England-Australia flight was broken by Judith Chisholm, an airline pilot, flown a Cessna Centurion to achieve the feat." The end of this sentence needs work. Perhaps change flown to "flying" or "who flew".

All of the above done. Zawed (talk) 02:14, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Final years and death

Looks good to me.

Legacy

"The historic Jean Batten building in Auckland, which occupies the small block between Fort and Shortland Streets and is also bounded by Jean Batten Place." The wording of this sentence implies more is to come after Jean Batten Place, but the sentence ends there. This can be resolved by deleting the word "and" after "Streets" and inserting a comma after Streets.

Done. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

That's everything, once these comments are addressed I will promote to GA. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:47, 5 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you again for taking this one on. I have made a number of edits in response to your feedback, my changes are here. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 02:18, 6 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Looks ready for GA now to me, I will promote it. Congratulations! Trainsandotherthings (talk) 00:15, 7 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]