Talk:Javier Hernández/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 21:28, 29 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I'll pick up this one, will post review as soon as possible. Kosack (talk) 21:28, 29 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Lead

Use the same link as the infobox for striker here to avoid accessing the page via a redirect.
His club career could do with expanding in the lead. Three sentences seems quite small for the time he's been playing.

Early life

Link Jalisco.
"first played in a recreation league when he was seven years old.", first played what? This is the opening of the article so we haven't established he is a footballer yet.
"At the age of nine, Hernández joined C.D. Guadalajara and signed his first professional contract when he was 15.[5] He was set to play in the 2005 FIFA U-17 World Championship, but an injury sidelined him from the team that ultimately won the championship", these two sentences would seem better suited to his actual playing career as they are entirely football based.
"Hernández has held both", the has can be dropped from this sentence. It needs to be last tense as he's well past growing up now.

Transfer

"with the national team at the World Cup ", add a link and year to the relevant World Cup.
"went over to Mexico" > travelled to Mexico?

2010–11 season

"He scored for the third pre-season game in a row as he netted in a 7–1 victory over a League of Ireland XI at the newly built Aviva Stadium on 4 August", is this really notable?
"and got on the end of a pass from", sounds a bit journalistic perhaps. Is there a better way to phrase this.
Pipe League Cup to EFL Cup rather than Football League Cup to avoid the redirect.
Wolves > Wolverhampton Wanderers. Use full team names on first use.
"On 1 January 2011, he came off the bench to head the winning goal in a 2–1 away win over West Bromwich Albion.", is this goal notable? We shouldn't be looking to list every goal a player scores. There seems to be a lot of goals listed here with no real reason as to why they are worthy of mentioning. Could do with trimming to firsts, notable results, records, etc.
"Hernández became the top scoring Mexican in Premier League history", Ref doesn't support this.
"Hernández was revealed as a contender", as this is an award I'm not sure this phrasing really suits it. Something like "named as a nominee" or "was nominated for the..." for example would seem more appropriate.
What does the "World Goalgetter Award" entail?

2011–12 season

"After participating in the 2011 CONCACAF Gold Cup with Mexico, Hernández returned to Manchester United to begin pre-season training in New York ahead of the 2011 MLS All-Star Game.", source?
Second half of the second paragraph is unsourced.
Again, there's a lot of goals listed here with no obvious reason why. The fourth paragraph is all rather questionable and could do with condensing.
Unlink Stoke City and Chelsea. Per WP:OVERLINK, links should generally only be included once in the main text. Both these teams are mentioned previously.

2012–13 season

Unlink Danny Welbeck, linked previously in the article.
Did the Aston Villa hat-trick stand if the defender appeared to score an own goal?
"On 24 November, he scored his fifth league goal of the season in a 3–1 home win over Queens Park Rangers", notable?
"Although he started in United's 2–0 Premier League victory against QPR on 23 February 2013, he did not score in the match and he didn't score again until 10 March in another FA Cup match against Chelsea which ended in a 2–2 draw", this seems like quite an overly long way of explaining this. The QPR match could probably be removed.
Unlink Old Trafford and Swansea City, both linked previously.

2013–14 season

This section could do with expanding, compared to his other seasons it is quite short. Even listing how many appearances and goals he had during the season would be a start.

Real Madrid (loan)

"which was available after the departure of Xabi Alonso", I'm always sceptical about the notability of shirt numbers but do we really need to list who had it before?
Again, probably room for expansion here.

Permanent exit from Manchester United

* Van Gaal > van Gaal
"it was unclear with scale of transfer fee United would demand for him", this sentence doesn't make sense.

Bayer Leverkusen

"it was announced Hernández signed a three-year contract" > "Hernandez had signed...

2015–16 season

Judging by the club's player articles, FSV Mainz should be listed as Mainz 05.
"being also named Man of the Match" > "also being named..."
Unlink hat-trick, linked previously in the article.
"he was named for the third time Bundesliga Player of the Month.", sentence reads quite oddly. I would say to move "for the third time" to the end of the sentence.

2016–17 season

Unlink Borussia Mönchengladbach and FSV Mainz 05, both previously linked. Don't think the FSV is required for Mainz either.
"ending his eleven-match scoreless streak", I would say "ending an eleven-match..." as this is the first time it's mentioned.
Unlink Atletico Madrid and Rafael Marquez, both previously linked.

Mexico under-20

The section ends after the first game, could include how far his side progressed and if he played further.
Gambia > The Gambia.

Mexico national team

"he made an assist", I'm not sure make is the correct term, provided perhaps?
"springing the offside trap, latching onto a through ball", this sentence would be extremely difficult for a reader of a non-football background to understand. Could it be simplified?
Unlink Rafael Marquez, previously linked.
Man of the match is linked here but is used several times throughout the article. Move the link to the first usage.
"was the quickest player in World Cup 2010", reads oddly. "Quickest player at the 2010 World Cup" perhaps?

Post World Cup friendlies

This section seems to just be an indiscriminate list of goals with no real notability.

2013 FIFA Confederations Cup

Try and include how far Mexico progressed in the tournament.

2014 FIFA World Cup

First sentence is unsourced.
Room for expansion here.

2015 CONCACAF Gold Cup

Is this section necessary? I would look to merge this into another considering it simply states he didn't play in the tournament.

2017 FIFA Confederations Cup

Again, room for expansion.

Honours

Sir Matt Busby award is unsourced.

References

Refs 2, 10, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 21, 22, 43, 47, 49, 50, 51, 56, 60, 70, 91, 97, 99, 131, 132, 138, 139, 140, 141 and 142 appear to have expired. The majority of these are from Man Utd's office site, so I'm guessing they relocated all of these. Hopefully they are retrievable.
Refs 7, 8, 68, 99, 103, and 145 need accessdates.
Refs 8, 63, 94, 103, 120, 121, 145, 148 and 150 need authors
Ref 61 is unavailable. This may be to a server issue during my review or it may have expired.
Refs 62, 69, 84 and 143 list the BBC in a different way to the other uses. Stick to one style for consistency.
Ref 64 doesn't appear to be the match report it claims to be.
Ref 65 is titled as an ESPN match report but the link takes me to the Yahoo site?
Refs 75, 76, 95, 96, 100, 101, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 119, 120, 121, 125, 130, 143, 144, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151 and 152 need a published date.
Ref 91 is just a link, needs formatting.
Ref 98 just links to all Hernandez related stories on Goal.com, this isn't sufficient. The link needs to lead to the article. Same for ref 122.
Ref 104 has the article title in all capitals. Per WP:ALLCAPS, the title should not use these even if the article itself does.
I've reviewed up to ref 150, but the idea is the same for the rest.

Unfortunately, I'm failing this one as there is too much to be rectified in a single review. I don't believe this article was ready for a GA nomination, there are some large issues to deal with. Kosack (talk) 06:36, 30 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]