Talk:Jastrebarsko children's camp/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk · contribs) 04:01, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Section 1; para 1; sentence 1; In the end "government since April 1941" doesn't flow with the sentence. I mean that I cannot get that connected with the rest of the sentence.
Section 1; para 1; sentence 2; I think it is to be "between April 1941 and June 1942", not "between April 1941 until June 1942".
Section 2; para 2; sentence 1; Consider replacing "collect" with "gather", a better alternative. Collecting children is a bit awkward, whereas gathering is somewhat better. Other alternatives include amass, accumulate.
Section 3.1; sentence 1; What is "Jablanac", a place or a camp? Please clarify and also link it, if the article is available.
Section 3.1; The same above suggestion goes for "Mlaka" and "Gornji Reka" in the following sentences. Link these on the first mention.
Section 3.1; It is mentioned that "The last transport arrived from Gornji Reka on 14 August with 150 boys", are these 150 completely boys or children,please reconfirm it.
Section 3.3; Link "solitary confinement".
Section 3.3; Instead of "none of the Ustaše guards or nuns", "neither the Ustaše guards nor the nuns" may be used, a better alternative.
Section 3.3; I think it must be "Another survivor Mihajlo Veljić" not just "The survivor Mihajlo Veljić".
Section 3.4; I suggest replacing "in improving the conditions in which the children lived" with "in improving the living conditions of the children".
Section 3.5; Correct "July, 26" to "26 July", to maintain consistency, because throughout the para it was DD-Month.
Section 5; para 2; I think it must be "He said that they took him from", not just "He said they took him from", third person narrative.
Lead; I suggest splitting it into two for an article of this length.
Please add |liberated_by parameter to the infobox as it is clearly available from the sources and mentioned is the prose. I suggest adding something about the liberation in the lead also.

Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 04:30, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

G'day Krishna, thanks for the review. I have addressed all your comments, except for the one about "collect", which I think is the right word in the context. Regards, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:58, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

No worries, I just thought it would be better. Got the point. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 05:41, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 05:41, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Peacemaker67: Could please suggest under what category of Warfare good articles must this placed? I am just confused between "Fortifications and military installations" and "Massacres, war crimes, and legal issues of warfare". Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 05:46, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Massacres, war crimes, and legal issues of warfare would be best, I think. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:57, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]