Talk:Jason McElwain/GA1

GA Review

This is pretty good overall. I went and fixed most copyedit issues, though double check to make sure I didn't miss any. However, here are some things I'd fix:

"...but began to develop social skills as he progressed to a higher age." This statement just sounds wrong. Maybe "as he grew older" or something along those lines?

Done --Mr.crabby ''''' (Talk) 21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The reaction section has a lot of paragraphs beginning with dates. Fix this so it doesn't feel proselineish.

How about now? --Mr.crabby ''''' (Talk) 21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

McElwain "had a tear in my eye." Um.. maybe "had a tear in [his] eye." would be better?

Done --Mr.crabby ''''' (Talk) 21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Restructure wherever there's one sentence paragraphs. Can't have those.

Done --Mr.crabby ''''' (Talk) 21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, this seems good. Shouldn't take more than a week to fix this little bit. Wizardman 20:07, 1 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Good, however the dates didn't have to be removed completely, just meshed in with the paragraphs. Wizardman 00:34, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Better now? --Mr.crabby ''''' (Talk) 01:08, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Yup. I don't see any other problems, so I'll pass this. Wizardman 19:12, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]