Talk:James I of Scotland/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 13:38, 29 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am taking on this GA review and welcome the input of others. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 13:38, 29 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	I find some of the sentences excessively long and convoluted and somewhat lacking in punctuation. See examples below. Sentence structure is now improved.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	Article is well referenced
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.	Not as far as I can see
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	Not a problem in this article.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	The article is stable with no edit wars.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	The copyright status of the images is satisfactory.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	The images are suitable and make the text more accessible. The main portrait is improved by being less dark.
	7. Overall assessment.	An important and thorough article on the history of Scotland.

Initial comments

In general, the article is well written with a sensible structure. However I think that some of the sentences are excessively long and complex and lack internal punctuation, particularly commas. See the Wikipedia:Manual of Style. I think some of these sentences would be better split into shorter ones. Here are some examples but there are many other similar sentence structures:

"The Albany and Douglas affinity received a severe set-back in September 1402 when their large army was defeated by the English at Homildon and numerous prominent nobles and adherents were captured including Douglas himself, Albany's son Murdoch, and the earls of Moray, Angus and Orkney (Orkney was quickly ransomed)." (Prince and Steward of Scotland #1)

Done Bill Reid | (talk) 15:12, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"At his coronation parliament the king--probably with the intent of building loyalty to the crown among the political community--knighted 18 prominent nobles including Albany's son Alexander Stewart." (Personal rule: First acts #1}

Done Bill Reid | (talk) 15:12, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The king and his queen accompanied by an escort of English and Scottish nobles then proceeded to Melrose Abbey arriving on 5 April where he met Albany to receive the governor's seal of office." (King in captivity #3)

Done Bill Reid | (talk) 15:12, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"An assize of seven earls and fourteen lesser nobles heard the evidence that linked the prisoners to the rebellion in the Lennox—the four men were condemned, Walter on 24 May and the others on 25 May and immediately beheaded in 'front of the castle'." (Personal rule: Ruthless and acquisitive #2)

Done Bill Reid | (talk) 15:12, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Some other clunky sentences also corrected. Bill Reid | (talk) 15:12, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Some other points:

I wondered whether the section heading "Ruthless and acquisitive" was appropriate. These are two adjectives and seem out of place to me.

Done Bill Reid | (talk) 15:12, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The first image, the portrait of James I, is rather dark. Would it be possible to lighten it up a bit? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 14:03, 1 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Done Bill Reid | (talk) 15:52, 6 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Cwmhiraeth, Thanks for taking this on. Just back to UK today and still jet-lagged but will get on to this tomorrow. Rgds, --Bill Reid | (talk) 17:12, 5 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]