Talk:Jake the Brick/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 19:56, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review. I should have my comments up by the end of the day. Aoba47 (talk) 19:56, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Add that the episode debuted on Cartoon Network
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Give some indication on the reasons behind the positive critical reception. Make it into a separate sentence from the ratings (or you can connect the two ideas with a semicolon) to avoid a run-on sentence.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Otherwise, great job!
Thank you!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Either remove the phrase “just in case” or complete the clause. Just in case of what?
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I would suggest clarifying the meaning of “after a while” if possible. If the show does not clarify the amount of time that passed, then the transition can be kept.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I would suggest changing “All the while Jakes narrates” to “While Jake narrates”
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I would remove “and soon” as it is unnecessary.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Quick question: You mention that the episode was “one of the few episodes to have to have been generated from a game of exquisite corpse” so it may benefit the article to include the titles of the other episodes inspired by the game. This is just a suggestion and something I was thinking about when reading the article so you do not have to change this if you do not want to (or do not have the sources for it).
I do know of some others (I believe "Puhoy" was one), and I also know of a source (the Art of Ooo), but I need to dig it up to find the page number. If it's OK, I'll try to do that in the immediate future.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
That sounds good to me. This was just a suggestion. Aoba47 (talk) 23:32, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I would suggest adding a topic sentence to the second paragraph, such as (Critical reception to the episode was largely positive)
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Remove the citation after the first sentence in the second paragraph as the entire paragraph is being cited from the source and you only need to use the citation at the end of the paragraph when you are switching sources.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I would change “seems to emphasize” to “emphasizes” for clarity.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
You use the verb “noting” twice in very close proximity so I would suggest finding another word. You also use noting in the third paragraph. Be careful about overusing the same verb.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great references; for the future, I would encourage you to archive your electronic sources to avoid any dead or broken links in the future
I forgot to do this on the last page, but I did it here!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: You have done a lot of great work for this article! Let me know if you have any questions or comments about my review. Once my comments are addressed, this should be a quick and easy pass. Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47:, thanks for doing both "Walnuts & Rain" and this episode. How does these changes look?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:58, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Gen. Quon: Thank you for your immediate response to my review. This is a definite ✓ Pass Aoba47 (talk) 23:32, 24 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]