Talk:Jake Long/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman 06:34, 20 November 2009 (UTC) I'll be reviewing the article. Here's a couple things to start you off while I read through the article:
- The two citation needed tags need to be remedied.
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:55, 21 November 2009 (UTC)
- The final two references can't be bare URLs.
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:02, 21 November 2009 (UTC)
Here's the rest of the review:
- The family section at the beginning feels out of place. The first sentence I'd mince into the early years section, and the second/third I'd put into the personal section.
- "In Long's first start as a varsity basketball player on December 4, 2001," What class status (i.e. sophomore)?
- The previous sentence says "As a junior that football season". Thus, once basketball season comes around a month later, he is still a junior. This seems clear to me.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:13, 21 November 2009 (UTC)
- "Long led the basketball team to a second consecutive undefeated Metro League championship season," I don't see the first one mentioned in the article, only the 17-3 finish.
- It says "That season he helped lead Lapeer East to an unbeaten 14–0 Metro League record (17–3) overall" so this was mentioned.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:16, 21 November 2009 (UTC)
- Ref #4 (GoBlue, the bare url) is a deadlink.
- I removed most of the challengeable portion of the sentence. His record was broken a few years later from what I can tell by a Mike Carson.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:30, 21 November 2009 (UTC)
- "Under the new coordinator and with newly sculpted fitter athletes the offensive scheme was shifted to concentrate on the zone blocking system, like that used by the Denver Broncos when they won back-to-back Super Bowls and by the Atlanta Falcons to help Warrick Dunn achieve a career high in rushing yards" This feels wordy, plus I'm not positive about its necessity.
- Is it any better now?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:09, 25 November 2009 (UTC)
- "The Dolphins hired new coach Tony Sparano and employed Bill Parcells as Executive Vice President in charge of football operations." It's a rather jarring transition, jumping from Long and the O-line to Sparano and back to Long. Tweak how this area is set up.
- Is that better?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:05, 25 November 2009 (UTC)
- Refs #121 and 122 (nfl and yahoo for the draft) need fixing up; bot generated bare links.
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:45, 25 November 2009 (UTC)
- You must mention that OSU is clearly superior to Michigan at least three times in the college section. (Not really, just adding in some humor to the process ^_^)
That's all I got; I'll put it on hold and pass upon completion. Wizardman 19:36, 25 November 2009 (UTC)
- Looks much better now, so I'm passing this as a GA. Wizardman 00:33, 26 November 2009 (UTC)