Talk:Jada Pinkett Smith/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Comments on prose:

Early life (and elsewhere) has a lot of repetition of "Pinkett Smith" - could you replace a few of these with "she", etc.?
- I replaced what I could. I may go back through and fix the awkward sentences, but I agree that some of those "Pinkett Smiths" needed to be replaced. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 05:56, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"Shortly after arriving in Los Angeles, Pinkett Smith's first step toward furthering her acting career was applying for the choreographer position for the television series In Living Color, a show created by actor Keenan Ivory Wayans." Sentence is overly passive in the middle. Something like "... Pinket Smith first applied for the choreographer ..." would be better; if it doesn't say quite what you want, I hope you see the issue.
- I knew that sentence looked funky. Fixed, I think. What do you think? – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 00:06, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"including the lending of her voice" - could you just say "a voice role"?
- Done. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 00:06, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Opinion: many places where the text says "has said" or "has stated" or "has created", the "has" can be dropped.
- I removed some of the "has" words but the others I believe are necessary. The sentence seems too awkward without the word. Check it out and let me know what you think. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 17:33, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I see a few other comma issues I may fix myself.
- Go for it. I'll be the first to admit that I am a "serial comma-ist". – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 17:33, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Specific issues:

One link to news.yahoo.com (ref#64) - that will expire, so best to replace it now.
- Replaced. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 00:18, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I see the article doesn't list one of the awards from the imdb page. Have you verified any of the award nominations to anything except imdb?
- Actually, two of the awards listed on IMDb are ones that I left out. Those awards had to do with the Enter the Matrix video game and I felt that they didn't belong in the table. Also, I took note of the "Awards and nominations" section from the Angelina Jolie article, which is an FA and uses only IMDb as a source for its "Awards and nominations" section. Let me know if you think I should try to find sources for this section. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 00:06, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Images: Lead image appears to be released by the photographer, so OK. Image:Jada Pinkett Smith Niobe.jpg and Image:Jada Pinkett Smith Set It Off.jpg are film stills; I think the Matrix role can be justified as it shows her in character in distinctive dress, but what does the Set it Off still do? The images have fair use rationales, but does this article really need both images?
- I believe that the Set It Off image is displaying her in a breakthrough role. Both the film and her acting were well-received by critics. Let me know what you think. The article looks a little bare and I couldn't find any other images, but if you feel the Set It Off image should be removed, I'll remove it. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 00:06, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Version reviewed. Gimmetrow 04:42, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

When was this created? Man...I hope you didn't start the review simply because I said something about it at the GAN talk page! But in any way, thank you very much. You have to go to the talk page, though, and say that you are reviewing the article so someone else doesn't take up the task. I'll try to get to these later on tonight. Again, thank you. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 23:46, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I believe that I've taken care of everything on this list. Let me know what you think. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 17:33, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've been a little preoccupied. The last "her" is ambiguous below. Perhaps "Pinkett Smith's parents divorced while her mother was pregnant"? Gimmetrow 04:02, 6 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- "Banfield-Jones became pregnant with Pinkett Smith when she was in high school and after a few months of marriage, her parents divorced."
- I would replace the sentence with your suggestion except that the reference does not say that Pinkett Smith's parents divorced while Banfield-Jones was still pregnant. The reference does not state when, exactly, her parents married and divorced and at what age Pinkett Smith was at that time. Do you have any other suggestions? I'm having a hard time trying to revise the sentence to get it to say what it should. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 04:15, 6 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yes, I see it's difficult, but the current sentence suggests Banfield-Jones' parents divorced. Gimmetrow 04:41, 6 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    - Well, I think I fixed it. Let me know. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 04:53, 6 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      - Yes, that seems to make it accurate, although it adds another full name to the first paragraph of "Early life". Gimmetrow 04:29, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        Unfortunately, I believe that that's the way it's going to have to be. I can't find any other way of revising the sentence without breaking it up into two stubby sentences. I plan on taking this article through a peer review and the FAC process, so if there's a problem, it will be taken care of. Promise. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 04:40, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not too sure about the one image still, but otherwise I think the article meets criteria. Would you like a second opinion regarding the image? Gimmetrow 04:29, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- No. I'll remove it. I still don't understand why it needs to go but, oh well. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 04:31, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  - Images which are non-free need some justification to be in the article. The image should add something that text alone does not. If you can explain how the absence of the image makes something about the subject less understandable, then you've got a reason for the image. The policy is at Wikipedia:Non-free content, and I was wondering mostly about WP:NFC#8 for that image. There's a long debate over fair use images on wikipedia. Gimmetrow 04:47, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    - Well, I'm not going to argue with you. I see your point. The image was removed. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 05:06, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      - I'm not arguing. I know you've removed the image but I get the impression you would like it in the article. I'm not saying a reason for the image doesn't exist, just that I don't see it, and I'm inviting you to explain it if you wish. Gimmetrow 05:26, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        I would like it in the article, but if there is no reason to put it in, then I agree that it is correct to remove it. I thought I explained my reasoning above but maybe that reasoning is not good enough and/or is not applicable. That is why I agreed with you and thus removed the image. – Ms. Sarita ^Confer 05:32, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        OK. Pass. Gimmetrow 05:49, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]