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I think you have a lot of information regarding your artist and you explain it really well, but I think you should separate everything more depending on what you are stalking about. For example, when you talk about him and who he is, just make a biography paragraph and separate it into a gist of what that paragraph is on. Also, when you start to talk a lot about his pottery, maybe make that into a paragraph because it seems so significant in terms of your artist. So yeah, you definitely need to make some smaller paragraphs with one topic about it, because right now you only have one huge paragraph that seems like it's just running on about your artist and is not leading anywhere. You definitely have so much information about your artist and I like how you have citations of where you have been getting your information from, but maybe you should try gathering more information on your artist. I know trying to find lots of information is very limited, but I'm pretty sure we need more info for the sake of this assignment. You do have some grouping and separation of your artist, but I think that big paragraph you have in the beginning should be split into smaller ones.— Preceding unsigned comment added by Ysilv008 (talk • contribs)
