Talk:Jack Vainisi/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 04:36, 8 April 2019 (UTC)

I'll review this one too. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 04:36, 8 April 2019 (UTC)

Lead

• Vainisi would enlist college coaches to provide ===>>> Vainisi enlisted college coaches to provide
• Vainisi would not live to see the success ===>>> Vainisi did not live to see the success

Early life

• The family was so ingrained in the Bears organization that a group of players would come over to the Vainisi house every year for an authentic home-cooked Italian meal by Marie. ===>>> The family was so ingrained in the Bears organization that a group of players came over to the Vainisi house every year for a home-cooked Italian meal by Marie. (get rid of "would" tense, and also "authentic")
• was offered a scholarship to play at Notre Dame ===>>> was offered an athletic scholarship to Notre Dame. (to avoid repetition with this sentence and the next)
• The Packers' new coach, Gene Ronzani, had played for the Bears and dined at the Vainisi's; Ronzani's assistant Hugh Devore coached Vainisi at Notre Dame. ===>>> The Packers' new coach, Gene Ronzani, had played for the Bears and dined at the Vainisi's, while Ronzani's assistant Hugh Devore had coached Vainisi at Notre Dame. (a semicolon isn't right here.)

Green Bay Packers

• I don't think "Board of Directors" should be capitalized (here, the next sentence, and the next section)
• the Packers would go on to achieve five championships in seven years and win over 100 games in the 1960s. ===>>> the Packers would go on to win five championships in seven years and over 100 games in the 1960s.

Personal

• Is there a reason this section isn't called "Personal life"?

Legacy

• More recently, a monument honoring his legacy was erected at the entrance to the Titletown District, adjacent to Lambeau Field. ===>>> More recently, the Packers erected a monument honoring his legacy at the entrance to the Titletown District, adjacent to Lambeau Field.

Overall

• Not necessary to fix for GA status (except that last one in "Legacy"), but just pointing out there is a lot of passive voice in the article.
• All of the links work.
• No bare refs.
• I worry the image is going to get deleted for the same reason as with Ray Evrard, but I'm not an expert on this.
• No dab links.
• The plagiarism detector still isn't working.

No major comments. Placing on hold. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 05:05, 8 April 2019 (UTC)

Thanks for the third review Sportsfan77777. I think I have addressed all your comments. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 19:56, 8 April 2019 (UTC)

Passing. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 22:06, 8 April 2019 (UTC)