Talk:Iskaq Tjokrohadisurjo/GA1

GA Review

Passed. — Golden ^talk 20:21, 15 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 18:29, 2 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article over the next few days. — Golden ^{call me maybe?} 18:29, 2 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Originating in - A better word here would be "Born in" or "Hailing from".

Changed

Wikilink Surakarta.

Done

What is PNI?

De-abbreviated

Briefly introduce Sukarno.

Done, with "President"

Early life and career

Move the wikilink for Javanese people to the word "Javanese" in the phrase His parents were Javanese nobility.

Done

What is "Perhimpoenan Indonesia"?

Nationalist student organization. Added.

Early political career

Briefly introduce Sartono, Ali Sastroamidjojo, and Wiryono Kusumo.

Added, added, removed

The first two sentences could be merged as "..founded the first native Indonesian law office in Batavia.."

Fair enough, merged

Move the wikilink for Bandung to its first mention.

Done

whom he thought would fit in better in Bandung - Do we know why he thought this?

Not explained in source. I can postulate because Bandung was a much cooler place (temperature wise) for Europeans, but that's WP:RS.

When the Indonesian National Party (PNI) was founded in 1927, Iskaq was one of its co-founders - This could be shortened to "Iskaq co-founded the Indonesian National Party (PNI) in 1927.."

Updated

Briefly introduce Sukarno.

"future President" work?

Iskaq was arrested due to involvement in PNI - Can you provide some context as to why involvement in PNI became a problem in 1929, when it seemingly wasn’t in 1927?

Not sure how to. It could very much have been that it only got big enough to be worrying in 1929, but I could not find this explicitly stated.

Briefly introduce Soenario.

Added

What is Partindo?

Will that suffice?

Briefly introduce Sudiro.

Added

It would be helpful to include a brief description of the Renville Agreement.

Added.

Cabinet Minister: 1951–1954

brought him into conflict with the Masyumi Party - Why? It would be helpful to have some context here.

Added

Sudiro has already been wikilinked, so the second link should be removed.

Done

Briefly introduce Daud Beureu'eh.

Would that be good?

enroll a son - "his son" would be a better choice.

Updated

Later career and death

Can you provide a brief description of the 30 September Movement?

That way?

References

Spot-checked references #1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 20, 29, 41, 42
I couldn't find any information about Iskaq working as "an advocate at the Surabaya High Court" in reference #3. Could you provide the exact quote?

Third page of the article. "Mr. Iskaq pernah memimpin Partindo Cabang Manado. Pada saat bersamaan ia juga mengelola kantor hukum di sana. Tetapi setelah mengalami masa-masa suram di sana, ia kembali ke Surabaya dan menjadi advocaat en procureur di Pengadilan Tinggi Surabaya (1933-1944)."

You're missing page number for ref #29.

Updated

I could not verify ref #6 for the sentence Iskaq refused to participate in the new party.

Second page of the article. "PNI keok pada Pemilu pertama Orde Baru pada 1971, dan dipaksa berfusi dengan partai-partai nasionalis lain pada 10 Januari 1973. Iskaq menolak masuk Partai Demokrasi Perjuangan hasil fusi itu."

Link for ref #42 is broken.

That one should be considered an offline newspaper source - paywalls, auths, and whatnot. I'll remove the hyperlink.

General comments

Earwig's copyvio detector did not detect any copyright violations.
Images are relevant and free. The images need US tags.
I enjoyed reading this article and look forward to seeing your revisions in response to my points. — Golden ^{call me maybe?} 20:56, 3 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@Juxlos: Great work on the changes so far! Do you need more time to complete the remaining edits? — Golden ^{call me maybe?} 16:35, 11 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Yep, give me the weekend, haven’t had the time to go back to the book sources. Juxlos (talk) 00:29, 12 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Of course. Take your time. — Golden ^talk 08:30, 12 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I think that's all. Juxlos (talk) 15:46, 14 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@Juxlos: I have one more comment: the article has a few cases of false titles (i.e. "parliamentary speaker" instead of "the parliamentary speaker"), which I would recommend fixing if you plan on taking this article further. However, that's too minor of an issue to hold this article any longer, therefore I will be passing. Congratulations! — Golden ^talk 20:19, 15 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.