Talk:Irtash/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 21:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments

• Avoid single-sentence paras, merge that first "para" into the next.
• Four para lead is too much for such a modest article, I would recommend two.
• "until sneaking out" bit colloquial.
• "moved to Aleppo" link.
• "atabeg" what's that?
• "Irtash ibn Tutush was born" no need for bold here.
• "Map of the Seljuk Empire at..." this is a fragment so need for a full stop.
• "then sneaked out" not particularly encyclopedic in tone.
• " general view of..." again, caption is a fragment, so no full stop required.
• "expel them from Palestine" overlinked.
• "besieged Bosra, though" likewise.
• "between Jaffa and " and that.
• "An 1844 painting..." caption is fragment, no full stop.
• "a very important victory" POV.
• "Sevim assumes incorrectly that" I would just remove "incorrectly".
• "463-549" endash.
• Ref 5, pp. and en-dash.

That's all I have. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 11:19, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: Everything should be addressed in these edits. However, do you want me to trim the lead down instead of just merging it? It's technically only a two paragraph lead now. –MJL ‐Talk‐^☖ 20:26, 11 September 2021 (UTC)