Talk:Infinity Stones/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: ElijahPepe (talk · contribs) 20:56, 15 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section):

b. (citations to reliable sources):

c. (OR):

d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects):

b. (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/fail:

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

Comments

It's been years since I've seen a Marvel film, but I'll try my best. elijahpepe@wikipedia (he/him) 20:56, 15 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for doing this. I'll get working on some of the things you brought up later today or tomorrow. -- ZooBlazer^talk

I think I've addressed everything in one way or another. Let me know if something still needs cleaned up or if I missed something completely. -- ZooBlazer^talk

Prose and layout

Lead section

The Infinity Stones are established as the MacGuffins of Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame, but I question this unsourced assessment. Having briefly watched Infinity War, the significance of the Stones is established in that Banner states having two of them makes him "the strongest creature in the whole universe". In Guardians of the Galaxy, the audience is made aware of how significant the Power Stone is, in that it could destroy an entire planet. In The Avengers, the audience knows that the Tesseract is such a powerful object that it must be stored in an underground facility on another planet and that it could power Hydra's advanced weaponry.
I changed the wording to being the MacGuffins of the Saga, as opposed to the 2 Avengers films only, which is cited in the background section. -- ZooBlazer^talk
The lead section does not cover the Infinity Stones before Thanos' genocidal goal. Singularly, the Infinity Stones were a key plot point or prominently featured for Thor: The Dark World, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Doctor Strange. In what's presently established, I question how the exact descriptor—"23 days"—is relevant. As a first-time reader, why did it take five years for the Stones to be retrieved?
...some of the MCU television series on Disney+ is not necessarily incorrect syntax when used with the quantifier, but the use of the article the leads to a malformed sentence. I suggest something along the lines of ...several television series set in the MCU.

List of Infinity Stones section

I don't question the usefulness of a table, but tables should be supplementary material. For an example of how tables might be used, I refer you to a draft I have at User:ElijahPepe/Artificial intelligence in The Sims. The information in the table in the List of Infinity Stones section is heavily compressed and unsourced; when combined with the information from What If...?, the location column doesn't make sense. Again, I support the use of a table to give the user a visual aid when prose may be heavy, but in lieu of prose, a table can sometimes have the opposite effect.
I just revamped this section by merging it with the fictional history info. I split it into two sections to have before and after Infinity War/Endgame. Then I made the alternate universe stuff in the same style as the Thanos article which was done during that articles GAR. -- ZooBlazer^talk

Infinity Gauntlet section

Reading this sequentially, I questioned why "right-handed" was important until I read on that the Gauntlet is intended to be used in the left hand.
The second paragraph needs to be heavily revised. There are a few points that I noted:
- The word "subsequently" is used within several words of each other. In the context of the paragraph, "subsequently" refers to a larger span of time than what is presented; Thanos' hand is severed in 2018, but Stark, Banner, and Rocket do not create the Nano Gauntlet until 2023.
- The Nano Gauntlet is linked the second time it is referenced, but not the first time.
- The largest issue is "commaitis", in which the separation in the paragraph is done by commas, not periods. This is most evident in the sentence that begins with Later, the 2014 Thanos tries to use the Nano Gauntlet... Fortunately, the clauses in this sentence are easily to point out. I recommend you silently and orally reread your sentences and note the amount of commas and flow. The first sentence places the importance of the sentence onto the clause about Thanos' affixed gauntlet rather than eliminating half of all life in the universe, leading to a situation where context is left out that may otherwise be omitted from the reader's previous understanding. The most egregious sentence is the aforementioned one about Thanos attempting to use the Nano Gauntlet. I would rewrite that sentence to read, During a battle at the Avengers Compound, a version of Thanos from 2014 attempts to use the Nano Gauntlet to recreate the universe. Although he successfully acquires it, Stark removes the Stones from the gauntlet and, wielding a makeshift gauntlet formed within his armor, uses them to erase Thanos and his forces.
I think I addressed everything. -- ZooBlazer^talk

Creation section

The separation in the Fictional history section is made between the Infinity Saga and the Multiverse Saga, but the events in which the Creation section are described occur during Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers: Infinity War. I suggest placing this background into the Infinity Saga section or—to be more daring—move it into the List of Infinity Stones section. This is particularly true for Wong and Strange's explanation of the Stones.
Moved it to the list of stones section. -- ZooBlazer^talk

Infinity Saga section

The layout of this section sacrifices clarity for form, leading to five mentions of prevent further use and variations of destroying the Stones. Again, the information in these sections would be great for that List of Infinity Stones section, while the Infinity Saga section can cover the events of Infinity War and Endgame. This is particularly true for some of the sections that go over the background for the Stones.

Space Stone section

Amidst should be Amid for American English. There should be a comma between Ocean and where, though exercise caution with four clauses in the same sentence and commaitis. but is unsuccessful can be condensed into the previous clause to state that Dr. Wendy Lawson unsuccessfully tried... and thus the following clause would need to use but rather than although to demonstrate the positive benefits of her experiments; this is particularly true for the repeated use of although in the next sentence.
From my understanding, the mid-credits scene of Thor establishes that Loki has control of Erik Selvig's mind, allowing him to teleport to Earth by manipulating him into changing his device. I haven't seen Thor nor The Avengers in years, but it would help the reader to explain how Loki got to Earth. Likewise, the events surrounding Thor: Ragnarok are hazy. How are the Asgardians intercepted? Why did Asgard get destroyed?

Mind Stone section

Citationitis in the second and fifth sentences of the first paragraph. Note passive voice in the third sentence; I would alter this sentence to read, von Strucker's experiments cause Pietro to gain superhuman abilities and amplify Wanda's powers. In the last sentence, the context is considered an afterthought here.

Reality Stone section

First sentence needs to be rewritten. 5,000 years ago is a vague descriptor. In the third sentence, they has no antecedent.

Power Stone section

It's should be It is later.

Time Stone section

The semicolon in the second paragraph is misused.

Multiverse Saga section

The significance of this section is debatable. "Further depictions" could be a good section title when used in tandem with "The Blip". In general, this section may qualify for fancruft.

Background and development

I would have liked to seen a stronger representation of this section in the article as a whole. If that isn't possible, that's fine, but this section definitely needs to be fleshed out.
I added a little more earlier, but I'm not sure if there is too much more that I can add. At least not that I've found so far. -- ZooBlazer^talk

References

The obvious issue is that there is a reliance on primary sources. The prose here is largely synthesized from the depictions of the Infinity Stones in the films and television series—so much so, in fact, that such assessments may constitute a quickfail. I am willing to give you a chance to heavily revise what is present in the sources to use secondary sources. Screen Rant, as unreliable as it is, may be suitable for this purpose. However, I would highly suggest that you seek out sources such as Polygon, which you have done. Online, I found this article from The Ringer that looks to be particularly rich in information.
When it came to the fictional biography sections of characters like Thanos (Marvel Cinematic Universe), I was told citing av media/episodes would be fine (which is pretty much the only section those types of refs are used, otherwise they're used when other reliable sources are unavailable), so I figured that applied to the fictional history section. I'll look for additional sources to mix in though where possible. -- ZooBlazer^talk
The last sentence in the first paragraph of the Infinity Gauntlet section is unsourced.
Added -- ZooBlazer^talk

Images

For this article, images are obviously going to be difficult to hunt down. An image of James Gunn in the Background and development section may be fine. Padding out paragraphs may help with making images feel more full. Thanos (Marvel Cinematic Universe) has good image placement and choice.

Added an image of James Gunn with a little more info attached to the background section. -- ZooBlazer^talk

The image of Ultron pushes the header to below the caption. The better placement would be below the What If...? header, which works perfectly.
Maybe it's because I'm not on a laptop or desktop, but I don't see that. The only problem with moving it is that its current location covers the episode the image is from. -- ZooBlazer^talk
I would argue it's fine. The image of Ultron is both a demonstration of how the Infinity Stones are represented in What If...? and a visual aid to show Ultron. Ultron's attempted conquest comprises most of the section, so another image wouldn't work here. elijahpepe@wikipedia (he/him) 19:43, 16 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done -- ZooBlazer^talk
Figures in captions are usually linked unless such a link would be pointless, e.g., linking to Evan Gershkovich in the caption of his arrest on the arrest page.
Done -- ZooBlazer^talk

Second comments

Great work on expanding the article, particularly the lead section. I'll review the article again. elijahpepe@wikipedia (he/him) 23:14, 16 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the great review so far. It's been nice to have a reviewer that knows their grammar and punctuation since that's not always my strength. -- ZooBlazer^talk

I think I addressed everything, or attempted to at least. -- ZooBlazer^talk

Were you able to fix up the primary sources? elijahpepe@wikipedia (he/him) 01:32, 17 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I've added 4-5 additional sources to mix with them where possible and to cover additional things. Not sure if that's good, or if I should look for additional refs. -- ZooBlazer^talk 01:42, 17 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Prose and layout

The name of the headers in the Fictional history section may not be encyclopedic, especially Avengers Assembled.
That's one thing I was going back and forth on. Would titling it "The time heist" work? Or do you have better header suggestions? -- ZooBlazer^talk
The road to Infinity War could become Events before Infinity War. Thanos collects them all could become Infinity War or The Blip, and the next section could become Time Heist (per Avengers § Time Heist).

Lead section

All of the Stones except for the Soul Stone made their debut in a film leading up to Avengers: Infinity War (2018) has a few issues. All of the Stones except for the Soul Stone made... reads better as The Stones, with the exception of the Soul Stone, made... because the Stones implicitly comprise all six gems. It may be helpful to define that there are six Infinity Stones and their names to begin with.
In Although the Stone itself was housed within the Tesseract and not physically seen, you have a sentence fragment that isn't explicitly connected to the previous sentence. There are several ways of going about this, including expanding the fragment to clarify that the Space Stone established its significance in the MCU through the antecedent films Captain America: The First Avenger and The Avengers. I would also experiment with using an appositive in the previous sentence, such as, The Space Stone, the first Stone to appear, was featured in a post-credit scene for Thor (2011). If I were to write this, I would probably use that as a base and then clarify that it was housed in the Tesseract after stating it appeared in Thor.
bigger is less formal than larger here. I would also experiment with seeing if you can elaborate on how it influenced the plot of the films, although I'd also be cautious of overflowing the paragraph. You repeat bigger again in the next sentence and use didn't where did not should be used instead.
I'll highlight the last three sentence of the first paragraph. Again, debut is used again. You use The Stone twice; I suggest changing the second use to The Mind Stone.
The subject-verb agreement in the sentence, The Soul Stone was the last to make an appearance, first showing up in Infinity War when Thanos collects it on Vormir, should be changed. Note the use of it here.

Space Stone section

Amid suggests that something is occurring concurrently to an event, e.g., the Allies defeat the Axis. During would be a better word.
but it is temporarily swallowed by a Flerken named Goose that looks like a cat is awkwardly worded. The word "feline" works here, but may not work in the context of feline Flerken as you're describing the race. You may need to use an apposition.

Mind Stone section

The scepter is used plenty of times. Looking up pictures of Loki's scepter, I can't seem to find another word to use here.

Reality Stone section

Eons ago, Malekith attempts to use the Reality Stone, appearing in its fluid-like weapon state called the Aether, to destroy the Nine Realms and return the universe to its pre-Big Bang state, only to be thwarted by Bor, who had it hidden. should be split in two, likely after explaining what Malekith is going to do with the Aether.

Thanos collects them all section

In the second sentence of the second paragraph, note the repeated use of but.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.