Talk:Hurricane Francelia/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cloudchased (talk · contribs) 21:24, 23 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be taking this. Cloudchased (talk) 21:24, 23 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Reference #4 is inconsistent, you might want to change the date format (IIRC it's a template, so try subst:-ing it first)
- Fixed. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
References #5 and #6 are both .jpg reports but are cited differently.
- Fixed. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Note #1 should be placed after the closing parentheses per the MoS.
- Sure... --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"strengthened into a tropical storm on the following day" – personally, I'd either remove the "on" or use "by," but that's just an opinion.
- "by" implies it could be anytime between one time and another time. For example, by Sunday, I will have finished this article, is different from on Sunday. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Francelia briefly weakened while passing south of Jamaica, but then re-intensified" – this sentence feels a bit sluggish; is a cause or a location for the intensification known?
- Removing, it's too much detail for the lede. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the storm significantly, but not rapid" – please add a "-ly" suffix to "rapid".
- Blame User:12george1 for writing the lede :P --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"In El Salvador, the rainfall isolated towns" – I'm not really particularly bothered by this, but what directly isolated the towns? e.g., road obstructions/bridge collapses? Rain can't block anything.
- Hah, changed to "flooding". --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Coastal areas of Belize lost electricity and telephone service and resulted in extensive damage to banana crops" – I didn't know bananas were powered by telephones!
- Bananaphone! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"ships and land observations" – singular "ships," I believe?
- Agreed. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"suggested a circulation developed" – the two uses of past-tense verbs disturbs me slightly; maybe "suggested the development of a circulation"?
- I changed "developed" to "had developed" so it's not the same past-tense verbs. Better? I don't want an unnecessary nominalization. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"indicating the formation of a tropical depression" – I'm nitpicking here (sorry!), but I've read this sentence several times over and I'm still slightly disconcerted by the fact that both "suggested" and "indicating" are in the same sentence. Maybe "signalling" would be better?
- "signalling" works well. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"due to ridge higher pressures to its north" – wait... I think I get the gist of what you're saying here, but I think you might want to reword it a bit.
- I'm not even sure what I was going for o.O --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
This is a matter of opinion, but you've used the term "Hurricane Hunters" once in each paragraph now. Maybe "reconnaissance" could be used once?
- Good call, love it! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"although hurricane force winds" – IMHO, "though" is a better word choice over here.
- Any reason? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"sixteen hour period" requires a hyphen, good sir!
- Even better, I'll numerize it! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Mind giving the inHg conversion for "994 mbar"?
- Not at all! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"0.56 in (14 mm)" and "3.57 in (91 mm)" of what?
- It's implied from the previous sentence. I'll add the 3.57 one, but I don't wanna say "rainfall" too many times. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"National Hurricane Center (NHC)" – please link the whole thing to NHC >:( Two years of saying this on-wiki and IRC and people still don't get this. :(
- Why? >:( --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"confirming the track" – from the context, I think you ought to prepend "track" with "forecasted"
- Well, it's nothing to do with the forecasted track. It's just that they weren't really sure if the storm was where they thought it was. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Along the Belize coast" – the demonym for Belize is Belizean. (Also, gosh, this system's dictionary is terrible, it doesn't even have "prepend," "forecasted," *and* "Belizean" in its word list.)
- I like it! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Mountain flooding resulted in overflown rivers" – shouldn't this be vice versa?
- Yea, fixed. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"two years to reach levels before the hurricane" – another opinionated suggestion here, you might want to precede the word "levels" with "production"
- Works for me. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Other damaged crops included corn, sugar, coconut, and beans" – are these intended to be written as singular or plural?
- All were single but bean, as I wasn't sure if it sounded weird with that plural. But since you mentioned it, I made that singular as well. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"1,000 homes, leaving 5,000 people homeless" – I'd either change "homes" or "homeless" here, they came in rather quick succession
- Changed first to "houses". --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Isolated residents along the Paz River required food to be airdropped" – were the residents isolated? Or were people needing food isolated?
- I don't understand your question. Could you explain? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"crops [...] including heavy losses to the banana crop" – same minor issue with word repetition (though I'm slightly OCD about this)
- Changed to "banana industry". --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"there was duplicate relief work in some areas" – wait, what does this mean?
- That the relief work was unorganized. Imagine if one agency was going to talk to people and find the needs, and another was going to order supplies, and another was going to work with construction crews. Well, different groups never coordinated their work. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"mostly through the road reconstruction and C-rations" – s/through/in/? This is only an opinion, you can ignore it if necessary.

Overall, great work! The text flows nicely and there are no major issues, though I'll put the GAN on hold until these are resolved. Cloudchased out! Cloudchased (talk) 21:24, 23 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! Hope it's better now. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]