Talk:Hurricane Edna/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contribs) 02:45, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

You use "The storm" multiple times in the lede. Try to switch up the wording.
"The fifth tropical cyclone and storm of the season, as well as the fourth hurricane and second major hurricane, Edna developed from a tropical wave on September 2." – Link these for the layman.
"The storm rapidly intensified and reached its peak intensity of 120 mph (195 km/h) north of the Bahamas before weakening to Category 1 status before landfall in Massachusetts on September 11." – Repetition of the word "before" here.
"The storm transitioned into an extratropical cyclone in Atlantic Canada before its remnants reemerged in the northern Atlantic." – ...and...what happened to the remnants? :\

* "The storm first caused rainfall-induced flooding in Puerto Rico, and it later brushed the Bahamas." – Rain-induced flooding? What else causes flooding?

"There were six highway deaths in the state, and $1.5 million in crop damage." – I'd reword this. The term "highway death" seems a bit confusing."
- Deaths that were on highways. I don't think it's that confusing, similar if I had said "six coastal deaths", which would imply deaths along the coast. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Meteorological history

Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that the references at the end of sentences should be in correct order. [1][2] not [2][1].
- Refs appear in order of when they're used. I don't think it should matter. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"At the time, a possible surface low pressure area was not noted until several days later, on September 5, while situated between Puerto Rico and The Bahamas." – ...what?
- I didn't write it :P I think it should be clearer now. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"A ship in the vicinity of the disturbance reported heavy squalls and wind gusts to 70 mph (110 km/h)." – A transition from the previous sentence to this one would probably make the text flow easier. For example, adding "At this time" at the beginning.
"Reconnaissance flights indicated a maturing and evolving eye, approximately 20 mi (32 km) is diameter" – In diameter, not is diameter.
"Overcast conditions spread over the Eastern Seaboard north of North Carolina in association with the storm and a weak frontal boundary which enhanced the cloudcover" – This sentence is worded weird. Is it even needed?
- I think there's a little value, so I reworded it. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Closely following the recent track of Hurricane Carol,[3] Edna approached New England, but diverged from Carol's track upon skirting the eastern coast instead of moving inland" – Using the name "Carol" twice in the same sentence, in close proximity, leads to repetition. I'd change the last instance to "the previous cyclone's track".
- I disagree, I think it works fine, and changing to "the previous cyclone's track" would technically imply Dolly, which also moved in the general direction of New England. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The storm's extratropical remnants reemerged into the northern Atlantic after crossing eastern Canada." – Same as the lede. Is there any further documentation on the progress of the remnants?

Preparations

"In the 24 hours before the storm struck, New York Telephone 361,392 calls, which was the third highest volume the company ever recorded." – Missing a few words here?

Impact

* "On September 7, a bulletin from San Juan, Puerto Rico reported extensive, flood-inducing rainfall along the western and southern coasts of the island." – See first comment on "flood-induced".

"In coastal New Jersey, northwesterly winds reached 65 mph (105 km/h), and Long Branch received around 4 in (100 mm) of rainfall." – 65 mph is equal to 100 km/h.
- Not via the convert template. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"A Weather Bureau station in New York City recorded 45 mph (72 km/h) winds midday on September 11." – 45 mph equates to 75 km/h.
- See above. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Rainfall reached 4.98 in (126 mm) in the city, becoming the wettest day in 45 years" – In the lede you say the wettest day on record, but you say the wettest day in 45 years here?
- Good catch. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"When Edna struck New England, it was moving quickly to the northeast at 45 mph (72 km/h)" – Same as above.
"The high winds caused widespread power outages, including for nearly all of Cape Cod." – "including for nearly"?
"The storm surge reached 6 ft (1.8 m) alon the Massachusetts coast, causing flooding and heavy boating damage." – Spelling error.
"Damage was heaviest in Maine, estimated at $25 million.[16] This made Edna the costliest hurricane in the state's history." – Combine these two sentences.
"In addition, the winds downed trees,[22] which blocked widespread roads caused power outages in 18% of the state." – Missing the word "and"
"Throughout the United States, damage was estimated at $42,815,000" – Infobox says $40 million overall, while this sentence says $42.8 million in USA alone.
- Changed the infobox, and given there were Canadian damages, I just did >$42.8 there. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"While rapidly losing characteristics of a tropical cyclone, Edna traversed central New Brunswick." – "the" after "losing".
- Disagreed. Not necessary. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Sustained winds reached 160 km/h (99 mph) at Yarmouth and 95 km/h (59 mph) at Halifax." – Nearest five.
- It shouldn't be. These are exact wind measurements. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Aftermath

"At the 1969 Interdepartmental Hurricane Conference, it was proposed that the name Edna, Camille and Hazel be permanently retired, because of their importance to the research community." – Comma after "Camille", no comma after "retired".
"However the name Edna was put on to the 1972 list of names, but went unused during that season." –> "Despite the proposal, the name Edna was added to the 1972 naming list, but was ultimately unused."

Not a bad article overall, I'll pass if the aforementioned issues are corrected or responded to. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 02:45, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, hope you enjoyed it. I did everything, with the exception of when I responded. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:00, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Passed in that case. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 17:41, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]