Talk:Huang Zongying/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Argento Surfer (talk · contribs) 13:25, 11 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

I will complete my first pass today. Any and all of my comments are open to discussion. Once complete, I'll be claiming this review for points in the 2018 wikicup. Argento Surfer (talk) 13:25, 11 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
Lead
I think Zhao Dan should be specified as her third husband.

The lead should summarize the whole article, but content from her personal life and legacy is currently missing. I suggest adding a line about her 2 stepchildren and 2 adopted children and a line about the 2 films based around her and Zhao Dan.

Early life
"born in Beijing in 1925, into a prominent" - I suggest "born in Beijing in 1925 to a prominent"

"liberal values" this can mean different things in different times and places. Can it be more specific? Would a link to Liberalism in China be appropriate?

"published in a weekly magazine" - do we know what it was called?

The last sentence of this section, "She was nine years old.", seems tacked on. I suggest combining it with the previous sentence, such as "When she was nine years old, she was moved by Bing Xin's essay..." or something similar.

Career
Comma not needed after "Shanghai", "Metamorphosis", or "Pursuit"

"with great skill, capturing both the degeneracy and the kindness" - this opinion needs to be attributed in line.

Aside from the part about her second husband forbidding her to act, the third paragraph seems more like personal life than career. I suggest moving it.

"the warlord Sheng Shicai" - please specify that he was a Chinese warlord and the years he was imprisoned (his article says it started in 1939).

"recognized as a golden age of Chinese cinema." - I suggest aiming the Chinese cinema link to the section "The Second Golden Age"

"persecute her former Shanghai" - I think this sentence will read more smoothly if her is removed from this part.

Is Zhao Dan's 5 year imprisonment during the Cultural Revolution in addition to the 5 year imprisonment by the Warlord? I suggest specifying the years of imprisonment to make this clear.

"Even her own children were driven to denounce her" - I suggest "Her children denounced her"

"denounced by the society" - the isn't needed

"She often applies" - This verb tense doesn't match the past tense of the previous sentence. They should agree one way or the other.

Personal life
As mentioned above, the second paragraph should be expanded with content currently in the career section.

Legacy
no concern

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
no concern
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
no concern

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
AGF for the non-English sources.

C. It contains no original research:
no concern

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
no concern. AGF for the non-English sources.
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
I'm not familiar with the subject, but nothing obvious is missing

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
no concern
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
no concern outside of comments left under 1A
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
no concern
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
no concern

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
The infobox image needs a caption dating the image.
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Aside from some minor copyediting and one request to relocate a paragraph of content, this is in pretty good shape. Pass pending responses. Argento Surfer (talk) 14:30, 11 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Argento Surfer: Thanks for your thorough review and suggestions. I've implemented all your suggested changes, except for Zhao Dan's exact years of incarceration during the Cultural Revolution, as it's not mentioned in any of the cited sources. This is different from his 5-year imprisonment by the warlord in the 1930s and 40s, and I've added (1966–1976) after "Cultural Revolution", so the two events don't get confused. -Zanhe (talk) 03:57, 13 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the quick reply! Everything looks good. Argento Surfer (talk) 12:51, 14 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]