Talk:Hormizd I/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 11:59, 20 October 2019 (UTC)
Pleased to able to review the article. Amitchell125 (talk) 11:59, 20 October 2019 (UTC)
Assessment
[edit]Initial comments
[edit]Do you know why the Wikipedia article for mowbed (Mobad) is not spelt that way?Amitchell125 (talk) 13:02, 24 October 2019 (UTC)"whose reign is through truth" - as 'truth' is linked with the article asha, perhaps the word should be included in the text somehow, e.g. "whose reign is through truth (asha)".the Parthian (Arsacid) Empire - there are two links here that link to identical articles, only one is needed.In the Sources section, add links for Shahbazi, A. Shapur (second source); Michael Stausberg.In the 'Rise' section, I would move the link Siege of Antioch (253) to ...siege of Antioch in 253., and link Antioch within ...in the conquest of Antioch..
- Mobad is the current term in New Persian I assume. --HistoryofIran (talk) 21:42, 24 October 2019 (UTC)
- Understood. --Ami
- Mobad is the current term in New Persian I assume. --HistoryofIran (talk) 21:42, 24 October 2019 (UTC)
Lead section
[edit]..., ruling from… - 'who ruled from' sounds a little better.…his wars… - it reads slightly better if amended to 'his father's wars'.Hormizd I's brief reign… - as he ruled two kingdoms, I would amend to 'Hormizd I's brief time as ruler of Iran'It was also under Hormizd I… - 'also' is not needed here.
Etymology/Background
[edit]Consider placing the Etymology section (without a title) at the top of the Background section, as both have single paragraphs.
- Tbh I prefer if the etymology section was a thing of its own, just like the other Sasanian articles. --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:07, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- Not a problem. --Ami
- Tbh I prefer if the etymology section was a thing of its own, just like the other Sasanian articles. --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:07, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
Rise
[edit]...lasting from 253... - ' and which lasted from 253'.This is somewhat supported… - remove 'somewhat', (see WP:EDITORIALIZING)....the Latin Scriptores Historiae Augustae, … - remove 'Latin' (it's unnecessary detail).I would start a new paragraph after Hormizd is mentioned in an inscription…, and perhaps another short one after When Shapur I was on his deathbed….
Reign
[edit]- It is unclear why Hormizd catered to these two figures,… - this sounds odd (c/e to improve the text by replacing 'catered' and 'figures').
I notice that Daryaee (p. 10) says Hormizd was "associated with good rule" and that he was fearless and extremely loyal to Shabuhr I. Is this worth adding to the section?
- I prefer not use Daryaee in this instance since a lot of the things he says is questionable. For example Hormizd ruling in Khorasan instead of Armenia, which is a first. --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:01, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- Understood. --Ami
- I prefer not use Daryaee in this instance since a lot of the things he says is questionable. For example Hormizd ruling in Khorasan instead of Armenia, which is a first. --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:01, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
...Ohrmazd-Ardashir … - precede with 'the city of'....in some instances… - any chance of being more specific here?
- Unfortunately not, the source doesn't go more specific than that. --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:01, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- Understood. --Ami
- Unfortunately not, the source doesn't go more specific than that. --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:01, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
Modern historians consider Hormizd to be its actual founder. - This appears to duplicate the previous sentence: Hormizd is credited as the founder of Ohrmazd-Ardashir …. I would combine the two, making it 'Hormizd is credited by modern historians as the founder of Ohrmazd-Ardashir...'.
- What do you think about this? [1] --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:17, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- Looks fine. --Ami
- What do you think about this? [1] --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:17, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
Link Bahram I.
References
[edit]Schmitt, Wiesehöfer and Shahbazi (2016a) are missing from this section.
Sources
[edit]Replace the current url for Daryaee with this (Internet Archive, full text).The Encyclopaedia Iranica sources need be consistently set out (perhaps employing the style used for Ādur-Anāhīd). This page from Encyclopaedia Iranica shows how the Encyclopaedia itself would like to be cited.
On hold
[edit]Hello HistoryofIran, my comments are mostly minor improvements that can be quickly sorted. Once again, your work is thorough, and you have made my work easy—many thanks. I still have to check a few references and have a final look once you have addressed the issues raised, but I don't anticipate any problems. I'll put the article on hold for a week. Best wishes, Amitchell125 (talk) 13:39, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- I think that should be it. If you don't mind, I can cross the issues from now, as I assume it might be a bit problematic for you to do it when I rarely write in my edit summaries (I will try to improve in that bit). --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:23, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- Feel free to go ahead - I'll check to ensure that there's nothing outstanding left to do when you're done. Amitchell125 (talk) 18:29, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- It looks like just the encyclopaedia sources that need to be given a consistent style. Happy to pass now. Amitchell125 (talk) 20:12, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- Feel free to go ahead - I'll check to ensure that there's nothing outstanding left to do when you're done. Amitchell125 (talk) 18:29, 26 October 2019 (UTC)
- I think that should be it. If you don't mind, I can cross the issues from now, as I assume it might be a bit problematic for you to do it when I rarely write in my edit summaries (I will try to improve in that bit). --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:23, 26 October 2019 (UTC)