Talk:Homie the Clown/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:
See my comments

B. MoS compliance:
I'm no MOS hound, but it seems good to me.
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:
Why is figures.nohomers.net a reliable source? DVD Movie Guide?

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
You're pretty close. Address my comments, and I'll pass it.

Comments

The lead should be broken into two paragraphs. Maybe, the same with the plot section, although I don't see an easy place to break it. You might rearrange the lead section's sentences to make the break pleasing. Otherwise, the lead is pretty good.

"To make some more money" should be "To make money"

"becomes compelled to enroll." sounds a little weird. Maybe "decides to enroll.", unless he was compelled in some interesting way, in which case that should be explained.

"At first, the stress of it all makes Homer consider quiting, but he discovers that, mistaken for Krusty due to his uncanny resemblance, he receives all sorts of benefits from authority figures and businesses." break into two sentences. Otherwise, I like the "Plot" section pretty well.

"Silverman felt he "brought" is "he" Swartzwelder? Then it says "he thought "the script". Maybe use each person's name instead of "he".

I would use "Brad Bird also helped Silverman" as the start of a new paragraph.

Maybe the commentary doesn't say it, but it would be cool to know if they designed Krusty to look like Homer.

Maybe the sources won't allow it, but if you could get the paragraph that starts with "Homer beating up the Estonian" to flow better, that would be good. It's a bit choppy.

"Mirkin said Mantegna is a joy to direct and that he loves" Make it clear that the "he" is Mantegna.

"Mirkin commented that Cavett's was probably the "meanest" they had ever been to a guest star." needs to be reworded. I guess it's meanest to a guest star or something?

The "Cultural references" section is choppy. If you could make it flow better that would be good.

"stated the episode was "Notable for its scenes" I don't think "Notable" should be capitalized. I could be wrong, though.

I think summarizing more of Colin Jacobson's review and just quoting the punchy bit would be good.

Overall it looks pretty good. Fix the things I mentioned, and I'll pass it. I'm going to look a little more closely and add a nice GA template tomorrow. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 20:52, 20 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I think I've done everything. Except for the lead, do you have any suggestions for the splitting point? Gran² 22:56, 20 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Looks pretty good.

I'm still not sure who "he" is in "Silverman felt he "brought a lot"

The Colin Jacobson part still needs to be more of a summary, with quotes for just the punchy parts.

How about "The episode was conceived and written by John Swartzwelder and directed by David Silverman. Swartzwelder's script..." becomes "The episode was directed by David Silverman and conceived and written by John Swartzwelder.(new paragraph) Swartzwelder's script..." that should flow nicely, I think.

How about "the real Krusty deems unworthy of his personal appearance. At first, the stress of it all makes Homer consider quiting." becomes "the real Krusty deems unworthy of his personal appearance. (new paragraph) At first, the stress of impersonating Krusty makes Homer consider quiting."

Fix those things, and you're done. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 23:36, 20 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think all of those changes are strictly necessary, but then thats just me. Thanks for the review! Gran² 12:14, 21 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'm just a big believer in even sized paragraphs, if you can't tell. ;-) It's passed. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 16:10, 21 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]