Talk:History of Maputo/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 09:56, 26 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 09:56, 26 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

No DABs, multiple broken links. Use the external link checker here to see which ones.
Images appropriately licensed.
Move the link to the timeline of Maputo to the beginning of the main body of the article.
The early history of the city could profitably be expanded by referencing Eric Axelson's books Portuguese in South-East Africa 1600-1700 and Portuguese in South-East Africa 1488-1600.
Move the link to ivory to its first usage in the lede.
Upon their return to Fort Lydsaamheid, they found the chaotic aftermath of a mutiny plot, in which 62 men were arrested and tortured after their plan to revolt because of the fort's terrible conditions was discovered. Awkward, rephrase
the Dutch fighter except for one slave Typo and I think that you mean soldiers, not fighters.
of slaves but no ivory. comma after slaves.
Explain why a Dutch/English merchant is working for Austria
establish a house Specify a trading house to reduce confusion
4,000 pieces of Indian textile Typo
Down to Portuguese colonization, more later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:45, 25 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
major participant the slave trade missing word
when a company was granted a monopoly over the ivory trade in the bay What company?
leader of the Zulus' enemy tribe awkward
Soon, their population decimated by fever, they abandoned the settlement. Awkward
Link Manhissa River, piers, quays,
railway trucks What is this?
Lourenço Marques developed under Portuguese rule and achieved great importance as a lively cosmopolitan city. hyperbole
liners? Passenger liners?
Down to the second para of the Urban grownth section--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:35, 30 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I addressed each of your new critiques:

major participant the slave trade missing word → added 'in'
when a company was granted a monopoly over the ivory trade in the bay What company? → the source, an academic journal, did not specify which company, so I left it as is for now.
leader of the Zulus' enemy tribe awkward → I reworded it to 'an enemy of the Zulu'
Soon, their population decimated by fever, they abandoned the settlement. Awkward → I reworded it to 'However, their population was decimated by fever, and they soon abandoned the settlement.'
Link Manhissa River, piers, quays, → I linked them.
railway trucks What is this? → corrected to 'rail cars'
Lourenço Marques developed under Portuguese rule and achieved great importance as a lively cosmopolitan city. hyperbole → reworded to "developed under Portuguese rule into an economically important, cosmopolitan city." If you think this is still hyperbole, I can work on it further.

Unless your source says "cosmopolitan", I'd delete that.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:51, 2 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

liners? Passenger liners? → cargo liners. I reworded it and linked it too

Jgefd (talk) 02:30, 30 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

in Lourenço Marques: businesses turn the colon into a comma
Was the city impacted during the War of Independence? If not, why not?
220,000 whites, including 80,000 soldiers; but by July 1975, 55,000 civilians plus all the troops had left, leaving just 55,000 whites in the country. Math is off
Today, the Maputo port has recovered and can now handle ships at once.?
Number ranges like pages 197–199 need to use a endash instead of a hyphen and stuff like "140–54" needs to be 140–154.
Consolidate refs 12 and 13 so you're not presenting the same lengthy info twice.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:51, 2 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry for the late response; I believe I've addressed all your most recent critiques.

in Lourenço Marques: businesses turn the colon into a comma → Done.
Was the city impacted during the War of Independence? If not, why not? → I did not come across much information in my research that addressed the impact of the war on the city specifically - most sources just talk about the country generally. The war of independence began in 1964 and lasted until 1975 - given that the city's substantial white population did not leave until after independence, and given that the city was a popular tourist destination among Rhodesian/South African tourists during this period, I suspect the war did not greatly impact the city directly. Violence was likely more concentrated in the rural areas.
220,000 whites, including 80,000 soldiers; but by July 1975, 55,000 civilians plus all the troops had left, leaving just 55,000 whites in the country. Math is off → I checked the source again. Typo on my part - should be 85,000 remained, not 55,000.
Today, the Maputo port has recovered and can now handle ships at once.? → should read "can now handle multiple ships at once."
Number ranges like pages 197–199 need to use a endash instead of a hyphen and stuff like "140–54" needs to be 140–154. → I went through each source and did this where it was lacking.
Consolidate refs 12 and 13 so you're not presenting the same lengthy info twice. → Done.