Talk:Henry Percy, 3rd Earl of Northumberland/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hchc2009 (talk · contribs) 15:20, 29 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Will read through and begin the formal review shortly. Hchc2009 (talk) 15:20, 29 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Last bits done, putting on hold. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:45, 5 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I've gone through and given it a light touch copy-edit. My advice on the remaining citation-less dates would be to remove the dates; I can't find a reference for them either, and they've been challenged for a while now, so it would be fair to remove them. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:34, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

NB: if you need any help in making the references consistent, give me a shout. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:34, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Well-written:

(a) the prose is clear and concise, respects copyright laws, and the spelling and grammar are correct;

"His maternal uncles..." - when a section is starting, don't kick off with a pronoun, as it won't be clear to the reader who "he" is.
"He was knighted..." ditto
" Warden of the East March towards Scotland" - the "toward" here threw me - are you sure its part of the title?
" In May 1448, Percy, with his father and Sir Robert Ogle invaded Scotland" - missing comma after Ogle
"The king" - needs capitalisation in this instance (and similarly later, when its standing in for the King's name)
"and whilst at Durham sent Poynings to raid Dumfrieshire" - I'm probably being dim, but who's Poynings?
" tensions with Scotland " - Capital "T" needed
"and a year later he was confirmed as Warden of the East March at the Coventry parliament." - how does this match up with dates at the start of the paragraph?
"In the late 1440s, the earls tenants" - "the Earl's tenants". Who's the earl here, btw?
"with their neighbours, of the Archbishop of York, " something is wrong here, but not sure quite what was meant here. What has this got to do with the Poyngins though?
"which instituted the first progress north for the King of his reign" - the "instituted" verb doesn't seem to make sense here
"Then in 1448, because of a dispute over the inheritance received through his eldest son's marriage, the earl of Northumberland's retainers had ejected the earl's relative, Robert Poynings, from his Sussex manors; a year later, Lord Poynings took direct part, with his father, in raiding the manor of Newington Bertram which was also enfoeffed by Robert (which apparently involved cattle rustling and theft)." The sentence structure needs a bit of work here (and it feels like two sentences, rather than one)
" 'deterred from seeking a remedy at law for three years.'" - needs double speech marks here
"Poyning's brother Thomas, Lord Egremont " - again, who's the Poyning person?
" 'written but not despatched.'" - needs double speech marks
"Although a reconciliation of the leading magnates of the realm was attempted in October 1458 in London, he arrived with such a large body of men (thought to be around 1,500)[13] that the city denied him entry; him and his brother Egremont were bound over £4,000 each to keep the peace." - feels like two sentences merged into one.
" 'his archers were blinded by snowstorms,' " - double speechmarks needed
"Estates, offices and finances" - this paragraph is very long; I'd advise breaking it into two
"The estates of the Percy earls of Northumberland " - this seems to be plural, but it becomes singular in the second half of the sentence
"In July 1452 He gained" - "he gained"
" latter's forfeited Wakefield Lordship in Yorkshire.;" - full stop not needed here
"the Lancastrian 'victory' at Ludford Bridge" - why the quote marks?
" a wide-ranging commission of oyer and terminer to deal" - you'll need to explain what oyer and terminer are I suspect.
"the battle of Northampton in 1460," - capital B required in Battle
"He married, on or before 25 June 1435" > "he married"

(b) it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.

The lead is quite short and doesn't entirely cover the contents of the article; there's more that could (and should) go in to summarise Henry's life.
"On 30 December 1460, Percy is considered to have helped organise" - considered by whom?

Factually accurate and verifiable:

(a) it provides references to all sources of information in the section(s) dedicated to the attribution of these sources according to the guide to layout;

The article isn't consistent in its citation style (although this would be easily fixed). While not a GA requirement, I'd urge that this is fixed. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:38, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

(b) it provides in-line citations from reliable sources for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines;

Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:38, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

(c) it contains no original research.

There are several outstanding "citation needed" tags in the article which need resolving. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:38, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Broad in its coverage:

(a) it addresses the main aspects of the topic;

Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:38, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

(b) it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).

Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:38, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without bias, giving due weight to each.

Appears neutral. Hchc2009 (talk) 05:31, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.

Stable. Hchc2009 (talk) 05:31, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Illustrated, if possible, by images:

(a) images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content;

Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 05:31, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

(b) images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.

"John Quartley's Battle of Towton" - it would be worth expanding this slightly, e.g. "John Quartley's 19th-century depiction of the Battle of Towton", to make it easier for the casual reader Hchc2009 (talk) 05:31, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much, Hchc2009, I'll get on with all that (there might be a couple of points I could clarify but no ball-breakers or deal-makers!). Cheers. _Fortuna ^{Imperatrix Mundi} 17:10, 5 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]