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GA Review

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Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 01:43, 23 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Oh. I'll bite. (insert maniacal laughter here). Expect this in parts... Ealdgyth - Talk 01:43, 23 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll do this in parts - since I know you're headed to FAC with this, we'll prose review and source review as if we were at FAC, so we can spare everyone at FAC my long review there.

Excellent news - will wait and run through the comments in sequence when you've finished. Thanks again! Hchc2009 (talk) 19:43, 23 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Starting work on the below. As usual, gaps don't necessarily mean disagreement, just that I'll come back to fix them shortly! Hchc2009 (talk) 08:34, 4 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

First part: lead:

  • First paragraph - every single sentence starts with "Henry" - can we vary this a bunch, please? Also - you give regnal dates for England, wouldn't it make sense to do so for all the other titles?
  • Need to explain why the heck Matilda's called Empress Matilda - otherwise folks are going to think "why wasn't he an emperor"?
  • "...the recent divorced wife of the French king..." oooh, no, no divorce! Annulled! Annulled!
  • This comes up later too - a lot of historians end up using the divorced term here. I've changed the construction slightly, as I couldn't think of an equivalent adjective for a person to "divorced" for an annullment! Hchc2009 (talk) 08:34, 4 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Have you decided to link "King" before names?
  • don't like the easter egg link of [[Angevin Empire|an empire]] - can we explicate this a bit?
  • "...stretching across western Europe." Hm... since Western Europe is usually considered to include Ireland, Scotland, Spain, France.... I think this is a stretch... can we be a bit more precise?
  • "Despite numerous peace conferences and treaties no permanent peace was reached. Henry undertook various legal reforms in both England and Normandy, establishing the basis for the future English Common Law, and reformed the royal finances and currency." The transition here is a bit rough, any way we can smooth it out some?
  • Oooh... nooooo..."...between the Church in England led to conflict..." cannot link to Church of England here - it is not (no matter what the Anglican's claim...). Need a different link or none at all.
  • "This controversy lasted for much of the 1160s..." shouldn't we link Becket controversy here at controversy rather than at "Becket's death"? (We may end up with an article on "Becket's martyrdom" - you never know.
  • "...first Louis VII and then Philip Augustus." suggest "...first Louis VII and then Louis' son and successor Philip Augustus."
  • Point of order ..."In 1173 Henry's first son, the Young Henry,..." the Young King wasn't the first son, just the eldest living at the time. Don't forget little William who died young.
  • Also, "In 1173 Henry's first son, the Young Henry,..." let's do "In 1173 Henry's first son Henry, usually known as "Young Henry" ..." or something similar. Introduce nicknames in an obvious way, so that folks don't think Henry II was bonkers and named his child "Young Henry"... (I bet someone would...)
  • You're sadly right. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:34, 4 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think we need a bit of "legacy" in the lead here .. .we're dealing with one of the major figures in history, after all. Another paragraph detailing how he's seen and stuff in history wouldn't go amiss.
More to follow tomorrow - should finish this mostly up tomorrow. Ealdgyth - Talk 02:50, 23 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Also, might want to check out Template:Efn Ealdgyth - Talk 02:50, 23 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Early years:

  • Need to again say WHY she's called the Empress Matilda.
  • "Matilda was married at a young age to the Holy Roman Emperor; on his death she was remarried to Geoffrey." couple of problems with this - she didn't marry Geoffrey right away - Henry V died in 1125 and she didn't marry Geoffrey until 1128. Your wording implies that it was right away - 3 years isn't right away.
  • need to state that the Anarchy isn't a term all historians use or like - it's not universally known as the Anarchy. Also need a cite for this sentence.
  • How did the canon's "support" him?
  • "Henry returned to England in 1147, then aged fourteen." - errr, as far as we know he never left... when did he leave, why did he leave, and where did he go?
  • Point of order - King David of Scotland is Henry's great-uncle - he's Matilda's uncle.
More to come. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:02, 23 January 2012 (UTC) (I have to go run to the grocery store - the spousal unit is out of caffeine and this is NOT a good thing.)[reply]

Appearance:

  • Not sure that the pipe link for "judicial" is strictly accurate here - there isn't the sharp distinction between criminal and civil justice in those days - perhaps just unlinking and using plain "judicial" is better.
  • "Henry had a passionate desire to rebuild his control of the territories that his grandfather, Henry I, and his father, Geoffrey of Anjou, had once controlled." something off here - one - his father never lost control of the territories so ... this is not strictly accurate, and something is awkward with the sentence, rewrite somehow?
  • the connection between the last sentence of the second paragraph and its preceeding sentence is jarring, can we connect it a bit better?
More to come... eventually... Ealdgyth - Talk 13:25, 24 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Succession:

  • OOoh, bad bad ... another link to Church of England which is an anachronism. No matter what the Anglican's say, they did NOT begin with Augustine. No historian would link to that article for discussions of English church history (grins).
  • Hm.. I'd like to see a better citation for the "...and it increasingly appeared as though the English Church was considering an eventual peace treaty that included some or all of Henry's claims." bit - I do NOT think Barlow agrees with that. It's more that Pope Eugene wanted to keep his options open, I think, and it was Eugene who forbade Theobald to consecrate Eustace. I'd really rather see this opinion placed out better than Stringer and Davis - what do Matthew, King and Crouch say. I've just read the relevant parts of Barlow's English Church 1066-1154 and he's much more restrained about this - recognizing that Stephen had lost control of the ecclesiastical appointments after the Council of Reims in 1148 (the article on it's a GA, by the way!) but not saying that the church had necessarily decided in fitzEmpress' favor either.
  • I think we need a bit more background earlier to explicate how Geoffrey came to be able to give fitzEmpress Normandy - we should at least have a bit that tells us that Stephen originally had the duchy - we never state that during the Early Years section, leaving it a bit unclear why Geoffrey attacked Normandy.
  • "Eleanor controlled the Duchy of Aquitaine..." why not "Eleanor was the Duchess of Aquitaine, a duchy in the south of France..." as she was the duchess... your wording makes the implication that she wasn't really duchess, but just had "control".
  • The sentence starting "The marriage instantly reignited..." is long, convoluted, and could use some breaking up as well as explication - we won't even get into the controversy over whether there WAS such a thing as "feudal law" at this point... we need to know why it was counter, why it threatened Louis and Eleanor's two daughters, etc.
  • "...who claimed that Henry had dispossessed him of his inheritance and rose in revolt in Anjou." the last bit is jarring with the first bit - can we make it less tacked on feeling?
  • Linkie "Neufmarchė-sur-Epte" or at least describe what the heck it is!
  • "Louis's forces moved to attacked Aquitaine." Something's garbled here...
  • I think I'm missing something here (well, not really ME, but any other reader..) "Stephen responded by placing Wallingford Castle, a key fortress.." why would Stephen's move make any difference to Henry?

Taking the throne:

  • I don't really think the main article here is "The Anarchy" - probably that fits better in "early years" than here.
  • "Henry reaffirmed that he would avoid the English cathedrals and would not expect the bishops to attend his court." err.. avoid the cathedrals how? Avoid pillaging them? Or just going near them? If the latter, why would the clergy CARE?
  • Shouldn't it be "River Avon"?
  • "...the two men agreed to a temporary truce and returned to London, leaving Henry to travel north through..." they BOTH went to London??? REALLY???? I think not.
  • "Over the summer, Stephen massed troops..." I think you mean "Over the next summer..."? Or do you mean the summer of 1153? If so, something is screwy in your chronology, since we just had discussions of the winter of 1153... Or did Henry return to England in 1152?
  • "As a result, instead of a battle ensuing, members of the church..." I think you mean "members of the clergy"...or even "members of the episcopate"
Fixed. Hchc2009 (talk) 19:15, 19 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...removing the most obvious other claimant to the throne." need an explanatory footnote here that although Stephen had another son, he wasn't considered acceptable as a king for whatever reason...
  • Okay, the treaty of Winchester is 1153, but Stephen didn't die until 1154, you've definitely got some chronological issues in this section - Stephen was king after the Treaty of Winchester for almost a whole year - but this last paragraph here implies that things were rather quicker...

Reconstruction:

  • Need the coronation date actually IN the article.
  • Another thing the royal government had lost control of was ecclesiastical appointments - I can provide citations if needed but this was an important part of the first Henry's governmental structure and the loss seriously weakened Stephen. Henry's desire to reassert control over the church was the main reason for his conflict with Becket (well, and Becket being inheriently unstable... can you tell I'm doing the reading for Becket's article?)
  • Another thing was the resumption of the various records of the treasury - Dialogus and Richard fitzNeal and all that. Pipe roll records start up again from Henry's reign and there is some evidence that they had lapsed during Stephen's reign. I can send you the relevant articles if you'd like - more details are at Pipe rolls.
  • Need to briefly mention royal justice also - what did Henry do about it when he took over?
  • "...agreeing to the pre-civil war division of lands." Not happy with the phrasing of "division of lands" - for a medievalist that suggests inheritance and such like - maybe "....agreeing to the pre-civil war border between England and Wales." or something similar.
More to come... making progress! Ealdgyth - Talk 01:54, 25 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

France:

  • "The two men had already clashed over Henry's succession to Normandy and the remarriage of Eleanor; Louis invariably attempted to take the moral high ground in respect to Henry, capitalising on his reputation as a crusader and circulating rumours about his rival's behaviour and character." I think you're trying to pack too much into this sentence - can we break it down a bit so it's not so twisty?
  • "On returning from England, Henry.." returning to where?
  • "The treaty continued to look shaky, however and tensions remained..." how can it continue to look shaky since this is the first mention of it looking shaky?
  • Did you link "homage" on it's first mention in the article?
  • Okay, i'm not really very happy with "Young Henry" instead of "Henry the Young King" - generally I see the latter in usage, not the first. I note that the ODNB has "Henry [Henry the Young King]" ...
  • Speaking of ODNB, do you want a copy of their article?
  • Serious garble here "The marriage deal would grant the disputed territory of the Vexin being to Margaret on her marriage to the Young Henry..." do you mean "The marriage deal would have granted the disputed territory of the Vexin to Margaret on her marriage to the Young Henry.."?
  • "...while this would ultimately give Henry the lands that he claimed, it also cunningly implied that the Vexin was Louis's to give away in the first place, in itself an important political concession." A concession by whom? And why was it important?
  • "...which neighboured his lands in north-west and..." err ... it bordered Aquitaine to the north-west, but it was to the south-west of Normandy and to the west of Anjou. Suggest just "...which neighboured his lands ..."
  • "Almost immediately after the peace conference, however, Louis shifting his position considerably." I think you mean "shifted"?
  • "Louis's wife Constance died and Louis remarried Adèle, the sister of the Counts of Blois and Champagne." Surely he didn't remarry her - that implies that they had been married before.
  • "...the sister of the Counts of Blois and Champagne.[113] Louis also betrothed his two daughters to Theobald's sons." Need to specify which territory Theobald held - this section could do with a bit more names.
  • "Theobald mobilised his forces along the border with Touraine; Henry responded by attacking Chaumont in Blois in a surprise attack..." Wait.. when did Theobald switch sides? (I actually know but the reader doesn't since you've not explicitly stated when/if it happened...)

Empire:

  • "...Henry initially ruled through his father's former advisers..." Why would he have used his father's advisors in England? Do you mean grandfather's?
  • "During his reign Henry increasingly promoted "new men", minor nobles without independent wealth and lands, to positions of authority in England." Need to point out this was a policy of his grandfather's also.
  • Examples of how Henry interfered with the Norman nobility?
  • Quickie explanation of "prévôts"

Court:

  • Other theories focus on the personalities of Henry and his children.<ref>Warren ref; Strickland, pp.187–188.</ref> missing a page number there with Warren...
  • "...operated an exchequer court..." linkie and quickie explanation?

Economy:

  • "imposing legal fines and amercements," ...need a quickie explanation of amercements
  • "...attempting to improve the standard of the accounts..." Huh? Not clear on what you mean here.
  • No mention of Richard fitzNeal??? For shame! (Seriously, does need a mention).
Okay, that's enough for tonight. Yikes, this is a monster. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:48, 27 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Developments:

  • "Louis finally acquired a son, Philip Augustus, in 1165 and..." this makes it sound like he went out and bought him...
  • "...was more confident of his own position than for many years." awkward
  • "Louis allied himself with the Welsh, Scots and Bretons and attacked Normandy." Slightly ambigious... suggest rewording to "Louis allied himself with the Welsh, Scots and Bretons and the French king attacked Normandy."
  • "Henry was then free to move against the rebel barons in Brittany, where feelings about Henry's seizure of the duchy were still running high, conducting devastating campaigns in 1167 and 1168." Suggest breaking the last phrase off ... as this is a rather runonish sentence.
  • "Montmirail could potentially have confirmed Louis's position as king, while undermining the legitimacy of any rebellious barons within Henry's territories and the potential for an alliance between them and Louis." need to explain how this potentially could have...
  • "...creating an additional ally in the south" - some other word than creating perhaps?

Thomas Becket:

  • Need to be careful to present the fact that Henry's reasons for appointing Becket aren't knowable. Another reason he appointed Becket was likely that Becket was his friend and the king figured he would remain his friend and not cause issues.
  • "...traditionally the only person allowed to conduct the ceremony." well... only sorta. It was traditionally the right of the ABC, but often in the past someone else had done. Strictly speaking, Becket was asserting his right to crown Henry the Young King and the king was more in the right to point out that he could have the ceremony performed by others - William I, Henry I at least were crowned by someone other than the ABC.
  • There are other translations available of Henry's words - suggest including a few in an explanatory footnote.
  • "The operation resulted in Becket's death..." err... can we reword this to sound less stilted?
  • Need to point out that one reason for the horror at Becket's death was that he was murdered in the cathedral at an altar.
HOpefully more later today... Ealdgyth - Talk 13:58, 30 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ireland:

  • "Dermot put together a force of Anglo-Normans and Flemish mercenaries drawn from the Welsh Marches,..." Shouldn't this be "Dermot put together a force of Anglo-Norman and Flemish mercenaries drawn from the Welsh Marches,.."?
  • "...these soldiers were used to deploying mixed forces of infantry, archers and knights in the Welsh campaigns." Two things - this phrase does not fit well with the preceeding phrase in the sentence - and I'm unclear on where you're going with the archers and stuff - is it important for Dermot's campaign? If not, suggest just cutting this phrase.
  • You're right (I was having a combined warfare moment, and its not necessary here!). Hchc2009 (talk)
  • "Some of the Irish lords appealed to the king to protect..." which king?

Great revolt -

  • Haven't detailed why Richard revolted. Nor why Eleanor went along with the revolt.
  • Need to mention that Henry was supported by his illigitimate son Geoffrey during the great revolt - and what was Longespee's position then?

Aftermath:

  • "Henry agreed to give him two castles..." Too many Henry's and hims here - suggest "The elder Henry agreed to give the younger Henry two castles..." which I think is the meaning.
  • "Angevin pounds" linkage?
  • "Richard and Geoffrey were granted half the revenues from Aquitaine and Brittany respectively..." this is the first mention of Richard and Geoffrey being involved in the revolt though...beyond the initial moves.
  • "Eleanor, however, remained under effective house arrest until the 1180s." This is the first mention of her being under house arrest...
  • "...but in 1176 Henry announced an extraordinary claim that he had agreed in 1169 to give Richard's fiancée Alice the whole province as part of the marriage settlement." awkward - suggest "...but in 1176 Henry claimed that he had agreed in 1169 to give Richard's fiancée Alice the whole province as part of the marriage settlement."

Family tension:

  • Need to mention that Geoffrey left two young children here so they aren't a surprise in the next section

Henry and Philip:

  • "Henry's relationship with his two remaining sons..." can we use another word besides "remaining"? Also - Henry had two other illigitimate sons still alive at this point...

Death:

  • Probably worth pointing out that none of his legitimate sons were at his deathbed, but Geoffrey was...
There.. done. Yikes! Ealdgyth - Talk 15:45, 30 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The usual 7 day hold is definitely waived if needed - this is a huge article and if you need more time, we can definitely find it. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:45, 30 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: the possessive for "Louis" is used many times, about half as Louis's and the other half as Louis'. I personally prefer the former as a general rule, but especially given that it's a French name so I don't mentally pronounce the final "s". I do see that Ealdgyth prefers the latter. The important thing here is to choose one and use it consistently throughout. Wonderful article, BTW; thanks for all the excellent work. BlueMoonset (talk) 15:03, 13 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

A good point! I'll ask Malleus and see what he thinks is the right variation... Hchc2009 (talk) 17:50, 13 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Side note - the ancestor chart is broken ... not sure how or why ... Ealdgyth - Talk 20:52, 17 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed - someone had left two square brackets out... Hchc2009 (talk) 19:17, 19 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
So.. what's progress on this? Ealdgyth - Talk 17:43, 4 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think, almost there. One or two issues left above, but I've got through most of them with a bit of a spurt this weekend. Will try to get the remainder done in the next couple of evenings. Hchc2009 (talk) 18:59, 4 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've left a message elsewhere, but just to say that I think the changes are good for review now. Hchc2009 (talk) 18:06, 14 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Mythio (talk) 10:56, 1 March 2012 (UTC), some small comments on the lead:[reply]

  • Despite invading Ireland to provide lands for his youngest son, John, Henry struggled to find ways to satisfy all his sons' desires for land and immediate power. I don't really see why John is between 2 commas here, removing the first would yield a more readable structure imo.
  • Fixed. Hchc2009 (talk) 12:02, 3 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Henry rapidly came into conflict with Louis VII, isn't the word "quickly" or "soon" more appropriate than "rapidly"? Rapidly came into conflict has a strange feel to it
  • Henry's military expedition to England in 1153 led to King Stephen agreeing peace terms in 1153 and Henry inheriting the kingdom on Stephen's death a year later. Seems to be a word missing between agreeing and peace terms.
  • The last sentence of the lead is now Decisively defeated by Philip and Richard and suffering from a bleeding ulcer, Henry retreated to Anjou where he died. I suggest adding in Chinon on July 6th 1189. This sentence could be tweaked, i.e. is the exact location known? Perhaps his castle in Anjou or something? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mythio (talk • contribs) 13:00, 3 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The caption of the picture about Henry's lands in France does not state which color actually relates to his lands. To a layman on the subject like me, it is not immediately clear which of the lands are his (I'm guessing orange?..) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mythio (talk • contribs) 15:08, 5 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hope it helps and I'll look at more of the article if I can. Mythio (talk) 15:08, 5 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Just one comment here (I'll dig for some of the other stuff if you'll drop a note on my talk page about what you want me to look up further):

  • King Stephen (linked King) in the lead but King David I of Scotland (unlinked King) in the third paragraph of Early Years - decide on one form and stick with it.

Once this is done, we're good to go for GA. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:14, 15 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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