Talk:Henry Gardner/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Curly Turkey (talk · contribs) 23:41, 10 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

Feel free to disagree with anything here. Some of it is merely my opinion. I'm not here to try to force a particular style on an article.

Lead

Gardner was the candidate of the Know Nothing movement,: people usually think of candidates as representing parties rather than movements. Can this be clarified?
- The Know Nothings were not a political party in the traditional sense, partly because of their secretive nature. 1854 was also a time when the old political order had been fractured (both the Whigs and Democrats were fractured over slavery). If this isn't sufficiently clear in the body, I can add some more. Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - My concern was the way it comes off to the average reader—they coud obviously click through to get the answer, but it leaves a one scratching one's head the way it's presented. I personally knew (in general) the history of the Know Nothings, but it still came off strange—you wouldn't expect to see, for example: "Gardner was the candidate of the Tea Party movement". Curly Turkey (gobble) 01:35, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - I've rephrased it to avoid the use of "movement" in the lead. Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Gardner was a Boston dry goods merchant: if it can be avoided, links shouldn't be placed next to each other, as it's hard to tell that they're separate links. Maybe "dry goods merchant (in|from) Boston"? Changed Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Gardner opportunistically repudiated previously-held positions,: I think this is one of those rare cases when you'd need an inline cite in the lead. Either that, or drop "opportunistically" (doesn't seem NPOV). Cited Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
the introduction of plurality voting.: what did plurality voting replace? Is it something that could unobtrusively be stuck in here? Done Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
dividing on slavery.: maybe "divided over slavery"? You might want to link "slavery" to Slavery in the United States or something. Done Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
He was easily defeated: I assume "he" was Gardner, and not Frémont?
- Yes. I didn't want start yet another sentence with "Gardner". I've rephrased to clarify. Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
he died in relative obscurity in 1892.: I'm not sure this belongs in the lead—his death date is already given in the opening. Removed mention of year. Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Early Life

Henry J. Gardner was born: any reason we're given his middle name in the lead but only a middle initial in the body? Changed Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
as the state's treasurer 1774–1782: I've been told we're supposed to appreviate things like "1774–1782" to "1774–82", though I personally would rather not.
in private schools in the Boston area, and then attended Phillips Exeter Academy: is Phillips Exeter also "in the Boston area"?
- It's in Exeter, New Hampshire, which even now is not particularly close to Boston (it's more than an hour's drive). Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Entry into politics

and was viewed by contemporaries as politically opportunist.: Here you state that it "was viewed ... as ... opportunist", whereas in the lead you state flat-out it was "opportunist"
- I've added language pointing out that the historians addressing this also see him as opportunist. Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
He also switched from Websterite moderate position: "(a|the) Websterite ..." Fixed Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
to an abolitionist stance: this is the first mention of abolitionism; the link in "Slavery" should be moved here Fixed Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
was also angling for Know Nothing support: I don't think "angling" is encyclopaedic vocab Changed to "seeking" Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
one newspaper man: "newspaperman"? or "journalist"? Changed Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Governor of Massachusetts

Surprised there's no article on the election!
Gardner notably omitting popular substantive reform issues such as the ten-hour workday, and also avoiding: "omitted" and "avoided" Fixed Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Reforms

imprisonment for debt: link to Debtors' prison? Done Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
right to own property on their own: "on their own" is redundant
- I don't think it's entirely redundant; they may have been able to be listed as property owners in conjunction with their husbands. (I don't know the details, which would probably require a rather different set of sources.) Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
for their husbands' debts,: semicolon instead of comma Fixed Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Schools were desegregated: link to Desegregation? Done Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
failed 1853 constitutional convention: what "failed 1853 constitutional convention"?
- Why, this one, of course. :) I've added some words. Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
all became elective offices: redundant Rephrased Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Nativist issues

(including the deportation to Liverpool of a woman with an American-born infant without any means of support): why parentheses? Rephrased Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Gardner claimed that the state: check out WP:CLAIM Reworded (also one other place) Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
was reported to make lewd remarks: "reported to have made"? Fixed Magic♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Slavery

May 24, 1854 Anthony Burns was arrested: this appears to be under debate, but I think the rule is still that there should be a comman after the year Fixed Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
who also as served U.S. commissioner: "served as" Fixed Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
the legislature passed two Bills of Address calling for Judge Loring to be removed from his state office, in 1855 and 1856,: I'd move ", in 1855 and 1856," to after "Bills of Address" Fixed Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
(A third Bill of Address to remove Loring from office was later approved by Gardner's Republican successor, Nathaniel Prentice Banks.): why parentheses? Removed Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Later elections

from former Free Soilers: link Free Soil Party Done Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
before Gardner speech opening the 1857 session: "Gardner's speech"? Fixed Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Later life

Massachusetts Life Insurance Company: is this Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company?
- I don't know if it is or not. There were some fairly similarly-named entities in those days, and in reference to Gardner's association I've only seen it written that way. Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
No cause of death?
- Not that I've been able to find. Like a lot of non-Whig politicians of the era, he was not the subject of memorials by Whig-dominated (and later Republican) organs like the Massachusetts Historical Society and the New England Historical and Genealogical Society. Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Images

Images are all Public Domain and properly tagged
Probably not required for GA, but the images would best have alt text.
File:Nathaniel Prentice Banks - Brady-Handy.jpg: images opening a section should be on the right, as per WP:IMAGELOCATION]] Moved Magic♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
File:EWashburn.jpg: why a photo of Washburn when he's not mentioned in the body of the article? The caption's not very helpful, either. Added more stuff on Washburn. Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

References

I can't access most of the references. Rand checks out.
Ref 3: I don't see in Wright where Gardner denies graduating from Bowdoin
- Wright quotes Gardner making a speech. It's kind of hard to parse, but the words you need to find are "I, not being one" -- the "one" refers back to Bowdoin alumni. Magic♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Hmm ... that seems to veer awfully close to WP:OR territory ... Curly Turkey (gobble) 01:38, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - It's not OR to repeat Gardner's claim, and the fact that it's hard to parse doesn't make it "research" to do that work. Magic♪piano 17:35, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - It would be OR to interpret the claim—how do we know he meant it? Was he playing it for laughs, for example? Did he intend it as a crack at his fellow alumni whom he was in the midst of having some (short-lived?) falling out with? I think this one stray comment, without sufficient context, does not give us enough evidence that "he denied it". Why not shorten "He then attended Bowdoin College; some brief biographies claim that he graduated, but he denied it." to "He then attended Bowdoin College", thus avoiding the issue entirely? Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:15, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

———Curly Turkey (gobble) 01:35, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Your point is taken; I have modified accordingly. Magic♪piano 21:28, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Passed. I'm satisfied that what we have here is another Good Article. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:03, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]