Talk:Henry Fownes Luttrell (died 1780)/GA1
GA Review
[edit]| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Rationalobserver (talk · contribs) 22:10, 29 January 2015 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]- (circa 1722 - 30 October 1780)
- Per WP:MOS#Circa: "To indicate approximately, the abbreviation c. (followed by a space and not italicized) is preferred over circa, ca., or approx. The template c. may be used."
- Done.
- Per WP:MOS#Circa: "To indicate approximately, the abbreviation c. (followed by a space and not italicized) is preferred over circa, ca., or approx. The template c. may be used."
- He was returned again in 1774 alongside his eldest son
- I would mention his son by name here.
- Done.
- I would mention his son by name here.
- the Government's candidate would not interfere in future without his permission
- There's a missing article here.
- I assume you mean link to the candidate; I have linked.
- That's good, but I meant this. These can be hard to spot sometimes when you proofread a paragraph too many times without catching it. Rationalobserver (talk) 23:55, 29 January 2015 (UTC)
- I assume you mean link to the candidate; I have linked.
- There's a missing article here.
Early life and family
[edit]- "the union proved exceptionally happy and her letters to her husband [...] are conceived in the spirit of the sincerest affection."
- According to MOS:ELLIPSES: "An ellipsis does not normally need square brackets around it", so make certain these are needed here a reason justified by the MoS.
- Removed.
- According to MOS:ELLIPSES: "An ellipsis does not normally need square brackets around it", so make certain these are needed here a reason justified by the MoS.
Country squire
[edit]- Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be too much detail on Margaret Luttrell here, especially the first graph, which doesn't mention the subject of the article. I might be wrong though, so correct me if I am.
- I see what you mean here, but I think it's quite important background for how and why he consolidated the estates. I have moved some of the details to a footnote, because they were probably unnecessary in the main body of text. Do you think I should now merge the second paragraph with this one?
- That looks better, but no; don't merge the paragraphs as the subject of each is quite different. Rationalobserver (talk) 16:37, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
- I see what you mean here, but I think it's quite important background for how and why he consolidated the estates. I have moved some of the details to a footnote, because they were probably unnecessary in the main body of text. Do you think I should now merge the second paragraph with this one?
- Frugal spending, however, helped to recover the estate
- You need a semi-colon preceding however in this construction.
- Corrected.
- You need a semi-colon preceding however in this construction.
- He seems to have lived as a gentleman of leisure
- This is kinda vague for an encyclopedia. If the cited author is expressing ambiguity, it might be a good idea to clarify that it's the authors uncertainty, not Wikipedia's.
- I have changed this sentence to make it more specific - does it look ok?
- Much better! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:37, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
- I have changed this sentence to make it more specific - does it look ok?
- This is kinda vague for an encyclopedia. If the cited author is expressing ambiguity, it might be a good idea to clarify that it's the authors uncertainty, not Wikipedia's.
Dunster Castle
[edit]- Luttrell made numerous and "considerable" alterations to Dunster Castle
- While I appreciate your willingness to identify that word as the author's, it might be better to paraphrase so as to avoid a one-word quote that might not be necessary.
- Changed to "significant".
- While I appreciate your willingness to identify that word as the author's, it might be better to paraphrase so as to avoid a one-word quote that might not be necessary.
- remodelled the southern part of the castle and altered the Great Staircase in 1773
- I thought you had been using the Oxford comma, but it's missing from before and altered, so check for internal consistency. Also, I assume remodelled is a BrEng form of remodeled, but I wanted to be sure this isn't a typo.
- I've added the comma; "remodelled" is the British English form, I have checked.
- I thought you had been using the Oxford comma, but it's missing from before and altered, so check for internal consistency. Also, I assume remodelled is a BrEng form of remodeled, but I wanted to be sure this isn't a typo.
Member of Parliament
[edit]- The first paragraph in this section is quite long, so break it up into two or more.
- Hopefully, that's better now.
- Much better! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:37, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
- Hopefully, that's better now.
- The attempted sale of Minehead is already mentioned in Country squire, so be sure the repetition is necessary.
- Second instance removed, and the sale price added to the first instance.
- the Luttrells had "neglected" it[1]
- Again, unless absolutely necessary, I'd avoid using one-word quotes. There are some exceptions, but I'm not sure this is one.
- Changed.
- Again, unless absolutely necessary, I'd avoid using one-word quotes. There are some exceptions, but I'm not sure this is one.
- Fownes Luttrell was serving as High Sheriff of Somerset, which hampered his ability to stand
- I think I understand what this means, but I wonder if casual readers will be confused by it.
- How about now?
- Much better! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:38, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
- How about now?
- I think I understand what this means, but I wonder if casual readers will be confused by it.
- and consolidating his "interest" there
- I would avoid the one-word quote here if possible.
- Removed—I don't think the quotes are necessary.
- I would avoid the one-word quote here if possible.
- accumulating over £1,800 worth of expenses in the process
- Swap over with more than.
- Done.
- Swap over with more than.
- Despite resigning, Fownes Luttrell had asserted his influence and control over both seats and in 1780 his son Francis was elected alongside John Fownes Luttrell,
- I think you need a comma before and in 1780.
- Done.
- I think you need a comma before and in 1780.
- before sitting again later
- This is awkward; reword.
- Done.
- This is awkward; reword.
Sourcing
[edit]The sourcing looks tight; nice job!
- Thank you!
Conclusion
[edit]This is nice piece of writing overall, with few obvious problems. The prose is a little difficult at points, with so many people being named in close proximity, but all in all I think it's well on it's way to GA status.
- @Rationalobserver: Hopefully I have addressed or at least replied to all of your concerns above. Thank you for taking the time to review this article, —Noswall59 (talk) 23:52, 29 January 2015 (UTC).
- You're welcome! Thanks for contributing such great content! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:39, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
- I think the article is well-written, verifiable, neutral, stable, and broad in its coverage. I've passed this GAN. Great job! Rationalobserver (talk) 17:29, 30 January 2015 (UTC)