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Talk:Heinrich Bär/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Hi! I have elected to review this article against the Good Article criteria, and should have my initial comments posted up within the next hour or so. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 00:45, 14 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I have completed reviewing this article against the criteria, and am placing it on hold pending some concerns outlined below. Although very informative and interesting, the article's main problem is the prose. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 02:08, 14 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
    Although not required, linking dates is no longer in the MoS and is informally discouraged, so consider delinking them.
not dates are linked! MisterBee1966 (talk) 11:24, 14 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
One or two are artually, but I'll go ahead and delink them myself. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 04:57, 15 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  1. An endash (–) is required between date ranges in the article.
done
  1. In the lead, perhaps substitute "about" for "approximately" in reference to Bär's combat missions.
done
  1. "He" is used a little too often through out the article; intergrate "Bär" in more.
    "As a teenager he became a glider pilot and wanted to become an airline pilot with the Lufthansa." - Consider rewording this slightly to "As a teenager, he became a glider pilot and had ambitions to become an airline pilot with the Lufthansa."
done
  1. "... financial difficulties of Great Depression era ..." --> "... financial difficulties of the Great Depression era ..."
done
  1. "In 1934, he joined the Reichswehr in the Kraftfahrabteilung 4 as a mechanic was transferred to a combat unit of the Luftwaffe in 1935." - this sentence has a number of gramatical issues, and is confusing.
done
  1. "He was transferred to I./Jagdgeschwader 135, the core of the later to be Jagdgeschwader 51 (JG 51), on 1 September 1938 as transport aircraft pilot in 1937, mostly flying the Junkers Ju-52/3m." - this sentence is also confusing and needs a rewrite.
done
  1. "Stationed on the border with France, Bär got his first victory, a Curtiss P-36 'Hawk', on 25 September 1939 ..." --> "Stationed on the border with France, Bär achieved his first victory—a Curtiss P-36 'Hawk'—on 25 September 1939 ..."
done
  1. "During the Battle of France he scored 2 more victories, and added 10 more during the Battle of Britain." --> "During the Battle of France, he scored two more victories, before adding ten more during the Battle of Britain."
done
  1. "In the spring of 1941 he scored additional 4 victories against the Royal Air Force bringing his total to 17." --> "In the spring of 1941, he scored additional four victories against the Royal Air Force, bringing his total to 17."
done
  1. "Bär claimed five aerial victories on 30 June 1941 bringing his total to 22 and his twentieth being JG 51's unprecedented 1000th aerial kill." --> "Bär claimed five aerial victories on 30 June 1941, bringing his total to 22; his twentieth being JG 51's unprecedented 1000th aerial kill."
done
  1. "On 31 August Bär was shot down some 50 Km behind enemy lines. Bailing out with back injuries, Bär managed to walk back to German lines, and lengthy hospital treatment." --> "On 31 August, Bär was shot down some 50 kilometres (31 mi) behind enemy lines. Bailing out, he suffered back injuries, but managed to walk back to German lines; his wounds necessitated a lengthy hospital treatment." Or something to that effect.
    The following is slightly confusing, and could use a rewrite: "On 11 May Bär was transferred from IV./JG 51 on the Moscow front to take command over I./Jagdgeschwader 77 (JG 77), commanded by Gordon Gollob, to support the hard fighting over the Kerch straits on the Crimean peninsula. JG 77 led by such able Experten as Bär and Gollob, "took over" the air space over the Kerch-Taman by respectively shooting down three and two LaGG-3s, running Bär's victory total to 93."
    "On 19 May 1942, Bär made five further aerial claims, his victory total now standing at 103. The same day that General der Jagdflieger Adolf Galland arrived to inspect Bär's I./JG 77 and that JG 77 surpassed its 2,000th victory mark." - I'm guessing these two pieces of information are related, but it is slightly awkward and could do with some tweaking.
    "During 1944, Bär's score rose to 203." --> "By the end of 1944, Bär's score had risen to 203."
done
  1. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  2. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
    "Even at this early stage of his combat career Bär showed an often blatant disregard for higher authority ..." - would it be possible to elaborate further on exactly what he was doing, or what he done, to be considered to have a "blatant disregard for higher authority"?
    "In 1941, JG 51 was transferred East ..." - is it known when exactly in 1941 the unit transferred?
done
  1. Could you expand further on why he was awarded the Knight's Cross? Was it for his tally or victories so far, or a particular feat of bravery in the air, or a combination of the two?
done was awarded for 27 aerial victories.
  1. Is there any more information on his "ace in a day" feat against the Soviet aircraft on 30 August 1941?
    "Bär's JG 3 raided Eindhoven in the Netherlands, shooting down about half a dozen RAF fighters and destroying many aircraft on the ground." - when exactly did this raid occur? If it was during Unternehmen Bodenplatte, then it needs to be clarified slightly.
done
  1. Is there any more information on Bär's work after the war as an aviation consultant, or his death?
done that is all I have MisterBee1966 (talk) 09:57, 14 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Is there any more information available on the eighteen times he bailed out or crashed? If so, please include it in the article.
    Is there any more information on Bär's awards that could be included in the article, such as why he was awarded the German Cross?
  2. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
    "... an achievement which should have earned him the coveted Ritterkreuz mit Eichenlaub, Schwertern und Brillianten (Knight's Cross with Oak Leaves, Swords and Diamonds)." - this sentence sounds a little POV. Perhaps reword it slightly to "... an achievement which is believed should have earned him the coveted Ritterkreuz mit Eichenlaub, Schwertern und Brillianten (Knight's Cross with Oak Leaves, Swords and Diamonds)." or something to that effect.
done MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:17, 14 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  1. It is stable.
    No edit wars etc.:
  2. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  3. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

When you believe all of the above issues have been addressed, please leave a message on my talk page and I'll go through the article once more; hopefully passing it. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 04:57, 15 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Well, all of my concerns have now been addressed and I am satisfied this article now meets the GA criteria so I am passing it. Congratulations! Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 22:42, 17 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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