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Talk:Headstrong (Ashley Tisdale album)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: --CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 20:03, 15 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Lead

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  • via -> by is better.
Very common word meaning "by way of."
  • The first installment of -> You only mentioned 1 film, how could there be a first or second. Either change it, or say film series.
Only the first installment was out at the time of album release.
  • The singer -> Tisdale
It is understood Tisdale is "the singer" and the word is used as stating Tisdale again would be repetitive.
  • introduce herself as a personally -> ? - Personality?
Removing "as a"
  • it incorporates hip hop beats and some tracks -> fix
  • the album. The album -> reads weird.
Done
  • Whearas the album debuted at number five on the Billboard 200 -> Whereas not a good word.
definition - "In contrast or comparison with the fact that." It's not really out of the ordinary. It charted blalbahblabkh in the US in contrast to the international positions.
  • RIAA and IRMA -> spell them out. Also, would be best to make like two sentences out of this info.
Done
  • were released to certain -> in
Done
  • charted in the top half of -> re-word
How else? It's really no other way this can be stated. Candyo32 00:49, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Background and development

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  • Tisdale got her start on charts -> re-word
Done
  • in history do debut -> typo
Done
  • Tisdale called the feat "crazy," stating, "When I think about artists like Madonna and Beyoncé...it’s surreal. I seriously can’t comprehend it. -> what does this have to do with the section?
Really filler information to add to Tisdale's reaction to her being the first on Billboard for that feat, which is vital to the Background section of her starting her solo career.
  • About the previous statement -> regarding
Done
  • "Don't Touch (The Zoom Song)" are both covers -> you only mentioned one song.
Done
  • The singer -> She or Tisdale.
Done, although I don't see what's wrong with "the singer" as it is understood it is Tisdale unless noted otherwise.
  • collaborated with Rotem on "He Said She Said" as well did Ryan Tedder, and Evan "Kidd" Bogart. -> confusing.
Done
  • does not contain and credited -> typo
Done. Candyo32 00:56, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

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  • the genres of dance-pop, electropop, and R&B -> ' genres
I don't understand the problem in question here. Removing "the"? I don't think that would make sense.
  • It carries many elements of hip pop itself compared to the music of Gwen Stefani -> re-write.
Done
  • The next few lines are too successive. This song, this song etc. Try and tidy that up a bit.
Done
  • according to Gary Graff of Billboard, is also liking Stefani. -> ?
Mean to say "liking to Stefani."
  • please fix up the end as well.
What problems are in the end?
Done. Candyo32 01:07, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

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  • Phares also said that -> you wrote "said" already, try commented.
Done
  • but critiqued -> criticized.
Criticized and critiqued are about the same word, both common, with critiqued meaning, "Evaluate in a detailed and analytical way: "the authors critique the methods used in research" What the problem with the usage here? Candyo32 01:09, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Chart performance

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  • Recording Industry Association of America -> (RIAA)
Done
  • for shipments -> denoting.
I've been told in like ten GA reviews and a FA review that use "shipments" for certs.
  • As it peaked at 155 on the UK Albums Chart, Headstrong reached sixteen on the Irish Albums Chart. -> separate, so you can include Irish certs in same sentence.
Done. Candyo32 01:12, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Singles

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  • Overall, the article has allot of overlinking. You linked "He Said She Said" many times. Fix in many places.
I thought it wouldn't be such a problem if the linking were in separate sections (which it is only linked once in each sec.) is it still a problem?
  • at eighty -> number
Done
  • while reaching sixty-seven in Austria and fifty-seven in Germany -> you have 3 in one sentence. Split up.
Since it was only three countries I thought listing them together would cut down on the wordiness, so it wouldn't be so many excessive sentences.
  • It was later certified Gold in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America for shipments of over 500,000 copies. -> provide RIAA source.
Done.
  • which select European markets also received -> fix.
Problem here? Candyo32 01:16, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Promotion

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  • performing the singles, "Be Good to Me" and "He Said She Said" On -> period and the end of of the sentence needs re-wording.
Period, but how else could be stated?
  • The following day when the album was released, she performed on Live With Regis and Kellywhile on February 8, 2007, she appeared in the studios of WPIX and KTLA for their respective morning news shows. -> typo, re-wording etc.
Done
  • The singer -> Tisdale, She.
Done, but as stated above, don't see the problem with "the singer" as it is understood it is Tisdale unless otherwise noted.
  • She also appeared to perform -> sounds like your saying "she looked like she was"
Done. Candyo32 01:18, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Almost there

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  • Hi Candy, you still got some things. I don't see the use of "The singer" as proper. Show me 1 GA that does that. For me, I say she or Carey, there is nothing else. I mean imagine this "The singer wrote the song with Walter Afanasieff." It doesn't read well.
Discipline (Janet Jackson album), It's About Time (Christina Milian album), Taylor Swift (album), just to name a few. Candyo32 23:35, 19 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Commenting that the album garnered its title from her personality, Tisdale said she wanted to use her first album to formally introduce herself personally, and as not one of they characters she portrays." not a good start. Should begin, "Tisdale commented ...."
I will if you insist, but all the sentence is is the topic and verb action is being stated first. If Tisdale started with Tisdale commented, it would be a run-on sentence because, ex. "Tisdale commented that the album garnered its title from her personality, and she wanted to use her first album to formally introduce herself personally, and as not one of they characters she portrays." Candyo32 23:35, 19 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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