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I'm making a bunch of copyedits. Some are just my preferences, so feel free to revert anything you don't like.
The following are my observations, which you can take or leave:
Rolling Stone magazine called it "the bridge between beat groups and psychedelia".—this reads more like ad copy than a summary of the article body. I'd drop it.
in the UK on 31 December 1964—not important, but I'd cut out the "31". It's a little too fine detail for the scope.
under pressure to deliver a hit record—I assume this is label pressure? I'd be explicit.
interested the group in recording "For Your Love", a new song written by Graham Gouldman. Clapton expressed displeasure over departing from the group's blues roots,—should be explicit that it's a "pop" song or whatever, so we know what Clapton was whimpering about.
two days before the song was released—perhaps should give the release date, as the song's on the album. I see, it comes late. Perhaps the date should be bumped up.
Page recommended Jeff Beck, whose guitar playing was more diverse and experimental than Clapton's.—the wording seems to imply that Beck's "diverse and experimental" playing is what he was recommended for. If it was, then it should be more explicit; if not (I suspect not), then this should be reworded.
Drummer McCarty later commented—the problem with quoting like this is that it makes it seem like this is jsut McCarty's opinion. I'd drop the quote and write something fresh about what Beck brought to the group.
Several demos of "Heart Full of Soul" were attempted with sitar accompaniment—perhaps something could be said about how the sitar was in the middle of becoming a "thing" in pop
I wonder if a clearer description of "Evil Hearted You" could be made—we're given kind of an evaluation of th e song but not a very clear picture of what kind of song it is.
Critic Matthew Greenwald calls the song an "early example of psychedelic pop".—is he alone in believing this?
according to Power—again, this makes it sound like one critic's opinion. Does it reflect critical consensus? Is there some reason to quote rather than paraphrase?
scratch-picking—is there something to link to for the guitar-jargon impaired? Or some way to gloss this?
Howlin' Wolf reportedly referred to the group's "Smokestack Lightning" as "the definitive version of his song", which could sometimes last up to 30 minutes.—was he referring to this recording, or the band's performances of it in general? The recording obviously wouldn't reach 30 minutes.
"The Yardbirds' propulsive, power-driven version, however, deviated radically from the original"—this is about as bland a quote as I can imagine
some reviewers would prefer you added an "on" before the dates.
and were chosen in keeping with the rave up theme.—this is uncited.
Samwell-Smith is listed as "Musical Director" next to Gomelsky's production credit.—does anyone mention this outside the liner notes? Is it really notable? especially without some kind of explanation?
their next albums featured more consistency in personnel and material—meaning what?
I'm not sure what purpose the long Billboard quote serves.
18 December 1965 at number 137 and reached number 53 in February 1966 ... exited the chart after 20 August 1966—I'd give either all full dates, or just the months for all of them.
When it fell off the chart after 20 August 1966—not important, but I'd cut this and just leave the "thirty-three weeks" bit. Apparently numerals are easier for many people to process, so you might want to consider writing "33" instead of "thirty-three".
for export to Germany and Sweden—do we know if it charted?
plus the following two singles—might want to name them
The group recorded the backing track (sometimes titled "For RSG") for the show—this is kind of garden path-y. It seems at first like "backing track" is referring to the just-mentioned song. Can't think of a rephrasing off the top of my head ...
and "Smokestack Lightning" developed into "How Many More Times"—the "How Many More Times" article doesn't mention anything about this. Wasn't it a mix of songs?
Like I said before, it would be extra groovy if you managed to dig up some details on gear.
Are you aware of {{sfnm}}? It keeps the text nice & clean.
More good points and I'll be working on them as I go. Do you have any ideas about how to include the equipment info that I mentioned before?[1] Beck's use of a 1954 Esquire on several album songs is the only reliably sourced material I could find. —Ojorojo (talk) 14:48, 4 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Don't worry if you can't find anything—just keep your eyes peeled, because there are a lot of people who would love to have that info. People obsess over these guys' rigs, to say the least. I might add a bit more on the music, if you could—taking another peak, I'm surprised there's really nothing on that train-whistle intro & the riff to Train—that intro's a prime example of the tricks that brought Beck attention. Curly Turkey🍁¡gobble!11:53, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
