Talk:Harry Laurent/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hawkeye7 (talk · contribs) 18:48, 22 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
Some issues; see below

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:

C. It contains no original research:

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
Some minor issues (see below)

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Comments

I'd normally expect the lead to mention that his service with the NZEF was in the Great War

Revised lead. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"He also served with the Territorial Force" - The link here goes to the wrong article, on the British version

Points to NZ equivalent now. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"The Rifle Brigade as part of the newly formed New Zealand Division" was part.

Fixed. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

However, that wasn't the case; it formed part of the New Zealand Division when it was formed in February 1916

Have rephrased, added a cite as well as I realised it wasn't supported by original cite. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Footnote 6: Are you sure that this covers both his actions and the history of the VC?

Good catch there. Fixed. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"A few months later, his service in the NZEF ceased and he returned to New Zealand" Are you sure about this? Australians' service was usually terminated after they returned to Australia.

Went back and revisited, in conjunction with your comment below. Looks like I got timings and sources mixed up so have revised this section. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Are you sure he returned with John Grant in October 1919? Because the local paper claimed he returned on 8 July 1919.

Revised as per previous comment. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I don't tend to think of Columbarium walls as being graves

Revised photo caption, also infobox. Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

All looks good. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 18:48, 22 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Hawkeye7: Thanks for the review, you picked up a couple of real howlers. I believe I have addressed the issues raised. Thanks again. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 08:55, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Passing now. Disappointed you didn't add the additional facts from the newspaper source. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 09:43, 23 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]