Talk:Harold Edward Elliott/GA1
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Reviewer: Peacemaker67 (talk · contribs) 10:41, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
This article is in good shape. A few comments:
Lead
- link subaltern, second lieutenant and major general
- Done, except that major general is already linked in the first sentence. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:52, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
- First Australian Imperial Force should probably just be Australian Imperial Force, that was what it was called and he didn't live to see the 2nd
- True, but oddly enough the term "First AIF" was indeed used in 1914. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:52, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
- "as a candidate as a..." should probably be "as a candidate for the... in the Senate"
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:52, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
- Victorian Police strike should either be Victoria Police strike or Victorian police strike. Victoria Police has always been the proper name. I know, the article is incorrectly titled.
- Very well. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:52, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
- Special Constables should be in initial lower case, also link
- Done. Didn't know there was an article. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:52, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
- should probably mention he suffered from mental illness and took his own life
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:52, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:55, 10 April 2017 (UTC)
Early life
- Harold Edward "Pompey" Elliott is a bit incongruous, as he wasn't called that until later. I'd introduce the nickname at the appropriate chronological point.
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- "the farms acquired outright" there is only mention of the family farm, were there others?
- Yes, there were multiple properties. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest putting Elsinore in quotes instead of in italics, then be consistent with the later named residences
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest "Australian colonial governments"
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- link Other ranks (UK) and drop initial caps
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- "that of hie" should be "that of his"
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- link football to Australian rules football
- Already linked. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- down on Market Street seems a bit informal
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest "since they would now"
- Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:57, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 03:09, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
Gallipoli campaign
- "taking particular care over the selection of officers" seems to be missing something. Maybe "with Elliott taking particular care over the selection of officers."?
- Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:17, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- in the caption of the desert training pic, McNicol needs another L
- Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:17, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest replacing "He believed" with "Elliott believed", as we then go on to McCay's views
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:17, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest splitting the sentence "loyalty from his men. He acquired the nickname..."
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:17, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- "the 7th Battalion moved into the positions at captured" needs a tweak
- Tweaked. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:17, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- the is an example of "the War", should probably be "the war"
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:17, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
Suez Canal
- drop initial cap on Evacuation
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest "he was appointed to command the 1st Infantry Brigade,[26] with the rank of brigadier general, vice Brigadier General Nevill Smyth, who was being promoted."
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
Western Front
- British Expeditionary Forcestaff
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- drop caps on no man's land and link
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- "Elliott was made a" - was he given these awards for Fromelles? The way it is presented, it seems that way.
- What attack was this? "Ordered to make an attack that he didn't believe would succeed, he refused" It begs the question.
- Flers. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- "the retreated to the Hindenburg Line" Germans?
- Germans. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- you could drop 1917 from "end of September 1917"
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- "Elliot was mentioned in despatches." is missing a t.
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- for "its "altogether astonishing valiance""?
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- suggest "command of a division in favour of John"
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
Political service
- "With considerable justice, Elliott that he was sidelined" needs a tweak
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
Death
- "post traumatic stress disorder" and "major depressive disorder" don't need quotes
- Removed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- the External link to Mallett's bio isn't working/timed out
- Works for me. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- the following need a US PD tag - File:Harold Pompey Elliott portrait.jpg, File:7th Battalion AIF arrives in Egypt.jpg, File:Pompey Elliott H15590.jpg, File:Elliott's horse Darkie.jpg, File:Pompey Elliott E02855.jpg
- File:Pompey Elliott with Talbott Hobbs.jpg needs a PD-Aust tag as well as a PD US one
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:10, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
I'm done. Great work as usual. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:56, 11 April 2017 (UTC)
- This article is well-written, verifiable using reliable sources, covers the subject well, is neutral and stable, and is illustrated by appropriately licensed images with appropriate captions. Passing. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:18, 12 April 2017 (UTC)