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Talk:Hajji Ebrahim Shirazi/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Z1720 (talk · contribs) 01:15, 4 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I will be reviewing this article momentarily, using the template described below. If this article is being considered for WP:FAC, please leave a note and I will conduct a more thorough, pre-FAC review. Please also post below if you have any questions. Z1720 (talk) 01:15, 4 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Comments:

This article is very interesting and I think it is well-researched. However, I think there are too many grammatical mistakes and unclear statements to allow this article to pass, and I am not confident enough that they can be fixed in the 7 day window. Some examples are below:

  • "and in action to prevent popular riots, dismissed all kadkhodas including Hajji Ebrahim and sent them to Isfahan" Is this supposed to be "in order to prevent riots"? or "in order to prevent protests"? Riots are not typically popular
  • In English, a sentence always starts with a capital letter. There are numerous instances in the article where sentences do not start with this, particularly in the third paragraph of "Youth and early career"
  • "Jafar Khan knew that Ebrahim is a powerful and popular figure so he needs his help to gain Legitimacy." -> "Jafar Khan knew that Ebrahim was a powerful and popular figure and sought his help to gain legitimacy." also, legitimacy for what?
  • The "Jafar Khan's reign" section has too much background information and not enough about Ebrahim Shirazi. This should be summarised and more information about Ebrahim is included in this section.
  • "He then crowned king on 23 January 1789." -> "He was then crowned king on 23 January 1789."
  • "Since the coronation, it appears that the young king and Ebrahim have disputes in issues, one of them was the trial of Mirza Mahdi." Why does it appear this way? Is this fact in doubt?
  • "Agha Mohammad Khan himself and his army went to Karabakh and after a long siege came to an agreement in which he wasn't allowed to enter Shushi but Karabakh became subordinate." wasn't should be was not, as contractions are not used in formal English writing.
  • "where Nader Shah in 1736 in front of Notables of Iran, proclaimed himself King." This is a sentence fragment. Perhaps, "In 1736, Nader Shah, in front of the Notables of Iran, proclaimed himself king." Also, is Notables of Iran a formal title? Usually, someone is not referred to as a notable; perhaps it is supposed to be nobles? What did he proclaim himself king of?
  • "though the suggestion wasn't accepted by neither of them." this should be "was not accepted"
  • The titles of things in the references section should not be in all caps (eg, "Amanat, Abbas (1997). "EBRĀHĪM KALĀNTAR ŠĪRĀZĪ". Encyclopædia Iranica, online edition. New York.", "Tucker, Ernest (2006). "NĀDER SHAH". Encyclopædia Iranica, online edition. New York."

These are some examples, but there are many more that I discovered from a short skim. This article needs a thorough copyedit before it can be a good article. I suggest bringing this article to WP:GOCE, although the article should be withdrawn from GAN if it is at GOCE. The other option is to try to copyedit it yourself within a week, although if there are still major concerns after that then I will fail this. I'll put this article on hold for now, but I await your response. Z1720 (talk) 01:41, 4 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

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