Talk:HMS Bristol (1910)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:HMS Bristol (1910)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 21:32, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

Tomorrow most likely. JAGUAR  21:32, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

• "was a Town-class light cruiser" - wouldn't "Town" need to be italicised, if it's the name of her class?
  • The ships were all named after a theme, not another ship, so the class name isn't italicized.
• "She was the lead ship of the five ships in her sub-class" - repitition of 'ship, you could rephrase this to She was the lead ship of five in her sub-class if you like, but feel free to ingore
  • Probably a good idea.
• " few months later, Bristol played a minor role in the Battle of the Falkland Islands in December" - this doesn't mention what year
• "which was shared with the other Town-class ships was the sizable gap" - sizeable
• "On 18 May, the ship was reassigned to the 4th CS of the North America and West Indies Station" - link North America and West Indies Station here
  • Linked in the lede.
• The first World War I section doesn't mention what year all of the events took place in. I know it's all from 1914, but it would benefit the reader if the year was mentioned at least once
• "Aquila opened fire at 08:15 at long range, but inflicted no damage before she was immobilized by a hit" - immobilised if you want to stay consistent with BrEng (I have to think of comments somehow!)
• "Acton spotted them about five minutes later and maneuvered his ships" - manoeuvred, ditto

As usual, this article is in great shape! I picked a few minor issues, but once they're clarified then this should be good to go. JAGUAR  22:55, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

• I added a couple of dates to help the reader out a little. Thanks for catching all the non-BritEng spellings; I tend to forget them when I'm in a hurry. And for your prompt review. I doubt that I'll be able to work you as hard as I did in the last contest, as it's much harder for me to do more than one or two GA-quality ship articles for each sub-contest.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 23:14, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

• Thanks for addressing them so quickly! Yeah, I noticed that the West Country competition is faster paced this time. Still, I'll be keeping an eye out for West Country related GANs in the future, and might hopefully bring some to GA myself. Anyway, JAGUAR  23:22, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

Sturmvogel 66 I was going to pick this one up too, but was beaten to it by Jaguar. I took a skim through and made a couple of minor tweaks, but the following minor bits caught my eye. I'll leave to to you to decide whether they are worth following up on.

IB & Lead

"World War I" should probably be "the First World War", given this is in BrEng, but I won't push the point too much (although, if you do change it, the other uses of the term should follow)

Design and description

"were fitted with gun shields.[2] Four Vickers 3-pounder (47 mm) saluting guns were fitted, while two submerged 18-inch (450 mm) torpedo tubes were fitted": could do with a bit of a tweak to get rid of the "were fitted" repetition

Construction and career

"As of 18 February 1913": the "as of" is the wrong phrase to use in here "On" is the more correct start to the sentence.

World War I

"the East Coast of North America": I may be wrong, but I'm not sure we need to capitalise the "East Coast"

Battle of the Falklands

"von Spee, ... had other plans". I think we can lose the "had other plans": he was an enemy combatant, so of course he had other plans. Perhaps something along the lines of "von Spee, ... upset those plans", or similar.

"She arrived there the next day, but Dresden had left the night before[19] Bristol spent the next several months...": some punctuation needed between "before[19] Bristol"

(Aside: "she struck a shoal and seriously damaged her rudder" I'm surprised there was no court martial involved, as there tends to be for beachings, groundings, etc – no action needed)

"She then spent most of the next several months": a bit clunky, although oddly "She then spent most of the next few months" doesn't feel so clunky

Battle of the Strait of Otranto

"Bristol's bottom was foul". Stifling an entirely schoolboy chortle, you may want to make this a little clearer for non-naval types (I can guess what it may mean, but I'll have to look it up to be sure)

Subsequent operations

"the East Coast of South America": as somewhere above, I'm not sure you need to capitalise East Coast

Hope these help! Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 08:01, 10 August 2016 (UTC)