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I reduced the lead section to just the first sentence because the following paragraphs has extra information that is not included in the body of the article. The way the article was initially was more of a newspaper style rather than introductory summary of the article. That said, there is information in the article that leads me to suspect that this article has a potential of being a coat-rack article about Kenneth Green. The beginning of the article includes the line that: "Kenneth Green, who was being housed at the prison on a second-degree murder charge. " and at the end of the article we find out that news media have reported that "... the attack on Kenneth Green ... had been ... retribution for the murder of Joseph Whalen." Why not mention who Green had murdered at the beginning? Why is this fact not revealed until the end of the article? Also, what does the term "housed" mean? This needs to be explained. Is Green being detained in the prison, or not? And under what circumstances? Is he free on bail but living in prison housing outside the wire, held on remand in prison while awaiting trial, or has he been convicted and sentenced? Sometimes it is worthwhile to use precise jargon and explain what is meant by the term rather than trying to simplify too much and lose understanding. Please remember that the readerscomes first, they knows nothing and need to be oriented, though they are not stupid and can understand jargon in the right context. After starting to read this article I immediately had the feeling there was a hidden and untold story here that avoided explaining the wider context and background for the riot. Various background the facts are progressively revealed as each aspect of the riot is mentioned. This raises the question of if these fact are being deliberately withheld by the article editors for some reason. My problem with this style of writing, with the great reveal at the end of the article, is that the motive and underlying reasons for the event is hidden until the last moment. This is not encyclopedic writing, as it places insufficient weight on the presence of Green, and other relevant factors, as the catalyst for the riot. We should know who Green was, why he was in prison and why he was mixing with the rest of the prison population at the time, along with what he was accused of and whether or not he had been convicted at the time - from the start. We should also be told about the wider situation in the prison system at the time of the riot. These key facts should be summarized in the lead, and explained further in the background, because they are important facts that helps the reader understanding why the riot occurred, or even if it was a riot in the first place, or merely a distraction as a way to assault Green. - Cameron Dewe (talk) 23:10, 4 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
