Talk:Goo (album)/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 17:21, 10 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 17:21, 10 February 2018 (UTC)
I'm copyediting as I read through; please revert if I screw anything up.
You treat the band as plural in some sentences ("Sonic Youth decided to sever relations with their former label") and singular in others: "Sonic Youth announced that it had signed". It should be consistent. My understanding is that bands are singular in American English and plural in British English, so I would think singular is the correct choice here, but consistency is the main thing.Sonic Youth decided to sever relations with their former label, Enigma Records, as a result of friction arising from, among other things, the band's displeasure with Enigma's indecisive marketing and distribution of Daydream Nation, as well as its accompanying single, "Teen Age Riot"
: suggest breaking up this sentence; it's long and hard to parse -- for example it's not clear what the referent for "its" is until a couple of words afterwards.a full experimental album of
: odd phrase; why "full"?the Ciccone Youth side-project
: can we get either a link, an inline explanation, or a footnote for this?His stance having the potential to scare away record executives represented the
: clumsy; how about "His stance, which had the potential to scare away record executives, was the".Much to the group's chagrin
: Why? Was there cachet in being on Geffen?admittedly, both Ranaldo and Steve Shelley were uncomfortable
: why "admittedly"? I think you can just cut it.Goo found Sonic Youth expand upon
: tense problem. Do we need to give the band name here? How about just saying "Goo expanded upon..."?touched upon Carpenter's life with deft insight
: we can't have "deft insight" in Wikipedia's voice; this needs to be attributed, although given the following sentences I think you could cut the phrase completely and go with '"Tunic (Song for Karen)", Gordon's ode to Karen Carpenter of the Carpenters, was an exploration of self-esteem and body image that traced..."reappropriated the sound for the totality of "Scooter & Jinx"
: what does "totality" mean here?This incited Geffen executive Mark Kates
: suggest "prompted" instead of "incited".radical—even defiant by a 1990 major label standards
: just checking that this is the original quote; it's clumsily phrased with "a 1990 major label" functioning as an adjective, so I wondered if the "a" was perhaps just a typo.
-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 18:02, 10 February 2018 (UTC)
- Mike Christie I am making progress on corrections but I needed to touch base on your "Was there cachet in being on Geffen" question. The answer is: no; the sentence you are referring to states they had an issue with working under Geffen's new subsidiary. After all, Sonic Youth spent all that time negotiating for an established major label, not a brand new one.TheGracefulSlick (talk) 16:40, 11 February 2018 (UTC)
- OK, that explains it. Could we add a word or two to that sentence to that effect? Perhaps "The group were glad to have reached a deal with an established major label, but much to their chagrin", or something along those lines? Other readers unfamiliar with the music business might find that helpful. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 16:51, 11 February 2018 (UTC)
- Mike Christie I apologize for the sluggish pace; it has been a tough week but I found time and believe I have addressed your concerns. Let me know if there is more I should do.TheGracefulSlick (talk) 02:29, 16 February 2018 (UTC)
- I've struck all but one point above -- looks like you missed it? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:52, 16 February 2018 (UTC)
- Mike Christie my bad. I went back and shortened and rephrased the sentence. Hopefully, it has more clarity.TheGracefulSlick (talk) 14:36, 16 February 2018 (UTC)
- That does it. Promoting to GA. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:55, 17 February 2018 (UTC)
- Mike Christie my bad. I went back and shortened and rephrased the sentence. Hopefully, it has more clarity.TheGracefulSlick (talk) 14:36, 16 February 2018 (UTC)
- I've struck all but one point above -- looks like you missed it? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:52, 16 February 2018 (UTC)
- Mike Christie I apologize for the sluggish pace; it has been a tough week but I found time and believe I have addressed your concerns. Let me know if there is more I should do.TheGracefulSlick (talk) 02:29, 16 February 2018 (UTC)
- OK, that explains it. Could we add a word or two to that sentence to that effect? Perhaps "The group were glad to have reached a deal with an established major label, but much to their chagrin", or something along those lines? Other readers unfamiliar with the music business might find that helpful. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 16:51, 11 February 2018 (UTC)