Talk:Global Music Diplomacy Initiative/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Frostly (talk) 20:45, 25 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Frostly (talk · contribs) 18:16, 7 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi W9793, I'll be reviewing this article! Best, Frostly (talk) 18:16, 7 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Please see comments below
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	Please see comments below
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	All referenced :)
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	High-quality sources, well done!
	2c. it contains no original research.	No unsourced content.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	Please see comments below
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	Good scope.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	Nice focus.
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	Reception statements are attributed to the authors.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	No edit wars or major changes.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	All PD!
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Please see comments below
	7. Overall assessment.

Lead

The first sentence is very long; explore methods to break it up into two
Cold War-era U.S. jazz diplomacy Use en dash. MOS:PREFIXDASH
I think there might be too many quotes here. Try to rephrase using an encyclopedic tone

Background

It might be nice to have {{Infobox U.S. legislation}} here for some more detailed information on the number of yes/no votes
signed into law by Joe Biden - consider using President Joe Biden for clarity
The Initiative also came amid calls - no need for "also" here, consider removing
for the US government to strategically - use U.S. for consistency

Launch

Blinken was joined by Harvey Mason, Jr., Lyor Cohen, and David M. Rubenstein at the launch event attended by senior Biden administration officials, a bipartisan group of Members of Congress, leaders in the arts and humanities, and alumni from the State Department's music diplomacy exchange programs, among others This sentence is a bit poorly worded. Consider using something like "Secretary of State Antony Blinken hosted the launch event, joined by Harvey Mason, Jr., Chief Executive Officer of the Recording Academy; Lyor Cohen, Global Head of Music for YouTube and Google; and David M. Rubenstein, Chairman of the Board, The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. Senior Biden administration officials, a bipartisan group of Members of Congress, leaders in the arts and humanities, and alumni from the State Department's music diplomacy exchange programs were also in attendance." Blinken should be explicitly introduced by first name and title again, as the body should contain all the information in the lead.
Announcements made at the event include: a consider removing colon, as it's unneeded
State Department-Recording Academy partnership: MOS:ENBETWEEN. Consider using {{En dash}} instead.
Fulbright-Kennedy Center Visiting Scholar Award in Arts and Science per https://fulbrightscholars.org/fulbrightkennedycenter, looks like this should be "Fulbright / Kennedy" (with slash)
Associate Press - looks like a typo here, should be Associated Press

Programming

(by the Philadelphia Orchestra) (November 2023) - merge parentheses: "(by the Philadelphia Orchestra; November 2023)"
among other planned activities - "including" is already used at the start of the sentence, indicating that the list is not complete. Consider removing this.

Reception

In an October 2023 The New York Times opinion piece: consider rephrasing to "In an October 2023 opinion piece published in The New York Times" for clarity
US-China Consider using U.S. for consistency, and use en dash (MOS:DUALNATIONALITIES)
Australian Government under Anthony Albanese Consider clarifying that Albanese is the Prime Minister.

Media

Credit the photographer of the images in the Author field on Commons (you can see from the EXIF metadata).
Consider linking the performers on the file pages.
Consider creating a category for the files on Commons to organize them.
The captions look a bit inconsistent. "Launch" should probably be uncapitalized from all of them, and the one that has "Secretary Blinken Performs at the Launch of the Global Music Diplomacy Initiative" should be unbolded.
Consider including video(s) of the performances; they should be PD.

Other

Consider ordering both images and links in the prose based on the order they performed. Blinken can remain first by virtue of his position.

W9793, great work on this! That's all from me for now. Frostly (talk) 19:20, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Frostly - thanks much for the comments! I will ping you after having addressed the issues within the next few days. W9793 (talk) 03:11, 9 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey W9793, any updates? — Frostly (talk) 00:30, 16 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Frostly - I've fixed the issues you noted in the launch, programming, and reception sections. Would need more time to get to lead, background, and media sections. W9793 (talk) 03:32, 16 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Frostly - I've finished going through all the sections and followed most of your suggestions for improvement. Re "Credit the photographer of the images in the Author field on Commons (you can see from the EXIF metadata)" - can you please elaborate on how that can be done, for e.g. File:Secretary Blinken Performs at the Launch of the Global Music Diplomacy Initiative (53222295208).jpg (I'm not sure if you meant adding photographer info to the captions)? W9793 (talk) 22:36, 17 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey W9793, hope you're doing well. I meant that the photographer should be added to the file description page on Commons. Sorry for the confusion! Not all of the images have the photographer listed (e.g. the one you linked doesn't), so it's not needed to add it to those. Overall, though, this is a minor issue and doesn't preclude the article from GA status.

Passed. Frostly (talk) 20:50, 25 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.