I'll take this one on, since it's quite short and been hanging around on the GAN page for a few months now. (DISCLAIMER: I have absolutely no idea who this character is.) Pamzeis (talk) 14:57, 23 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
in the Star Wars franchise in the Disney+ television — the Star Wars franchise is not in the series? (Like, it's the other way round, if ya know what I mean)
I think I fixed it
Also, franchise should not be in italics
Fixed
She brings her tribute and loyalty to Boba Fett by filling his helmet with gold. When Krrsantan is fighting the Trandoshans she tries to calm him, but fails. She is later killed after the Pykes blow up The Sanctuary while she is inside. — all these storylines feel really disconnected...
You should definitily look over this
Beals also did not know what show she was part of — clunky-ish
Fixed
critics even thought that Fwip — "even" seems like original research
Removed
he is the person — I know Fwip is a female, but the reader does not know that yet (minus the lead), so it is ambiguous who "he" is
Fixed but check over
cousins who have come — not entirely sure about this one but should there be a comma after cousins?
Added... just in case
his past as a gladiator telling him — comma after gladiator?
Added
Krrsantan does not listen and — but- but I thought Fwip calmed him down? Doesn't make sense to me...
I think I Fixed
Watching the whole — the wording seems kinda off to me... maybe "After watching the whole ..."?
Replaced
tan skinned → tan-skinned
Fixed
have two lekku, tentacular appendages — as a non...Warsie? What are the Star Wars fandom called? Looking it up doesn't yield anything that is used in particular. Oh, wait, back to the point. As a non-whatever, I'm just confused as heck
Man this is hard to describe, but I tried to make it a little better. If you have any thoughts, it is the two thing on the back of her head that go down to her back.
back of there heads — is this the wrong there/their/they're or do you mean something else?
Fixed
she got the job for the part — "the job", "the part", kinda clunky, esp. since only one is necessary
Fixed
thought that you could not — addressing the reader is sorta informal...
Fixed
The makeup artist, Alexy Jukic-Prévost, made — the- the only one? If not, remove the commas
She is of the Twi'lek species — is this wording correct? It feels off to me, but I am unsure on how you word species stuff
Fixed
usual Twi'lek as most — comma before as
Added
When she arrived on set she said that — the article doesn't say that she said that when she arrived on set
It does in the second paragraph in the portrayal section where it says Beals later said that when she got on set she had no clue what show she was part of, but said that she knew it was Star Wars
...but the difference between these two is that with the latter, Beals could have said that anytime, while with the former, she has to have said it while she arrived on set
explains that they are — who is "they"?
Fixed
With Twi'lek women being considered attractive, Twi'leks are often → Since they are considered attractive, Twi'lek women are often
Did you see the comment in #Second look about the lead? If not, it's: ...but the difference between these two is that with the latter, Beals could have said that anytime, while with the former, she has to have said it while she arrived on set. Pamzeis (talk) 02:39, 9 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed
Removed
Added... just in case
Replaced
on hold. Ping me when the comments are resolved. Pamzeis (talk) 14:30, 28 May 2022 (UTC)
Passing the article! Pamzeis (talk) 07:53, 20 June 2022 (UTC)