Talk:Gani Toptani/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 16:18, 18 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to review this article.

Review comments

Lead section

The lead section is not large enough. About half of the article is devoted to Gani Toptani’s assassination and its aftermath but is only briefly mentioned in the lead. I would include a second paragraph about it in the lead section. See MOS:LEAD for advice.
Gani bej Toptani – bei should not be linked. Instead, consider using the Footnotes section to comment on the term.
Link Ottoman Albanian (Albania under the Ottoman Empire; Pera (Beyoğlu).
Janina – amend to Janina (now modern Ioannina).
serve under Sultan Abdülhamid II - ‘serve under the sultan’ is sufficient here, it avoids excessive repetition.
would also carry out – amend to ‘carried out’.
Link Kaymakam; Abdülhamid II in the caption.
Unlink Ottoman Empire, the third time it is mentioned in the caption.

More comments to follow. Amitchell125 (talk) 15:40, 20 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1 Life

Unlink regime; civil administration; ranks; military decorations; Turkey; riding (MOS:OL).
causing trouble – can this rather vague phrase be replaced with details of what he is said to have done?
Hamidian policy is not in italics.
Gani Toptani is often described - ‘Toptani is often described’. After referring to him by his full name, Toptani should be referred to by only his family name in the text that follows.

Some of the copy editing that needs to be done in this section

This an incomplete list.

He had gained such a reputation - ‘He had gained this reputation’
Consider simplifying These actions were not left unheard nor unreported to the central authorities of the empire. Soon measures were taken to something like ‘These actions reported to the authorities,.who quickly took measures to curb his behavior’.
by order of the sultan himself - ‘by order of the sultan’.
And as it was common at that time, such individuals were transferred by order of the sultan himself away from their areas of influence to where such "skills" would serve the empire and the sultan's regime. I don’t see why this text is required, as the text that follows is is perfectly sufficient to explain what happened to Tophani.
order and tranquility – ‘order’ is all that is needed here.
by offering people such as Gani Bey offices in civil administration or ranks and military decorations - ‘was to offer troublemakers such as Toptani positions in civil administration, or promotion and military decorations’.
This would also be known as the Hamidian policy and it was undoubtedly through this policy that the two Toptani brothers would benefit, one by being appointed – ‘The two Toptani brothers benefitted from this policy, known as the Hamidian policy, one by being appointed’.
his military career – ‘Toptani’s military career’.
1897 in which he would be mentioned as a participant – ‘1897, when he participated’.
In Janina, his deeds would soon compel the foreign consuls to put pressure on the sultan - ‘In Janina, foreign consuls were compelled to pressurize the sultan to punish Toptani’.
His punishment would not take too long as Gani Toptani would soon be exiled – ‘He was exiled’.

2 Assassination and blood feud

a Pudding Shop - ‘The Pudding Shop’ (all three words linked).
I’m unclear why Pera is in italics.
Amend a verbal conflict to ‘an argument’, to improve the prose.
4.pm needs copy editing.
Replace revenge (linked) with ‘an honor killing’.
Unlink Greece; investigation; courtroom (common terms); Albanian clothes (it doesn’t help the reader in this case).
Amend "crime of passion" to ‘a crime of passion’ (without being in quotes).
Grand vizier should be linked to where it first appears in the text of the article,
Is the quote needed? I'm not convinced it is.
Unlink adjutant; Krujë (duplicate links).

3 See also

This section should be deleted, as both Essad Pasha Toptani and Toptani family are linked in the article. .

4.1 Footnotes

All the footnotes require citations.
Footnotes b and c should not contain words in bold.
Unlink abbreviation (common term).
There is an error template in ref 20 (Herzi 1960 etc).
"Le Grand Assassin" is not used as a source. It would perhaps be better placed in an External links section.

Failing the article

This is an interesting article which has clearly been well researched, but it is too far from being promoted to a GA for me to continue the review, and I'm afraid I need to fail it. I have listed less than half of the copy editing issues I found, and most of the other problems with the article.

Before re-nominating the article, the issues I have identified already would need to be addressed. I would strongly recommend asking for the article to be checked by an experienced copy editor, this can be done using this link.

Amitchell125 (talk) 19:15, 20 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]