Talk:Fusajiro Yamauchi/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Nominator: DanganMachin (talk · contribs) 09:51, 7 May 2024 (UTC)
Nominator: Maxime12346 (talk · contribs) 09:51, 7 May 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: NatwonTSG2 (talk · contribs) 19:52, 6 June 2024 (UTC)
Hello @DanganMachin I decided to review this article because it looks pretty simple and easy so. This article seems a handful of fixes to be addressed.
Review
[edit]Lead
- For the infobox, not much other than the fact that you're unable find sources for his unnamed daughter and the cause of his death.
I think this source might help a bit. - In the first sentence, you could change who founded Yamauchi Nintendo, the company now known as Nintendo into who founded Yamauchi Nintendo, later known as Nintendo.
Early life
- Shouldn't this section's title be renamed into Early life.
- P2: Could this section be one entire paragraph and
you could removed the additional reference there.
| Location | Problem |
|---|---|
| P3 S4 | A typo for Fusajiro |
| P5 S2 | At the end of the sentence, you seem to put two periods between a quote mark so remove the second one. |
| P5 S3 | the date to the year. Also removed such of between website and Watada. |
| P5 S5 | You forget to put a period at the end of the sentence. |
| P6 S1 | Koppaï Zei and Karuta Zei shouldn't be quoted so remove the quote marks |
| P6 S2 | Peroid at the end of the sentence. |
| P7 S1 | removed even because it kinda made the sentence like a direct quote. |
| P8 S1 | unless you're making a direct quote, removed yet again. |
Personal details
- S1: With no son into Without a son
- S4: change claim into claimed
Fixs.
[edit]Thank you for reviewing my article !
Here are the fixs I made :
Lead
- According to Wikipedia:Reliable sources/Perennial sources NNDB is a deprecated source and shouldn't be used. So I consider it done.
- Sentence Done.
Early Life
- Before Nintendo -> Early Life Done.
- One paragraph + reference. I have fused the first two paragraphs but I don't see what reference you are talking about. Done.
Yamauchi Fusajirô Shôten or Yamauchi Nintendo
- Typo fixed. Done.
- Point added. Done.
- removed even Done.
- removed yet again Done.
Personal details
- S1 Done.
- S4 Done.
DanganMachin (talk) 17:09, 8 June 2024 (UTC)
@NatwonTSG2 I have finished to adress the fixs you said the article needed. (: Could you please put the follow-up review in the form of a table if possible ? Thank you for your time. DanganMachin (talk) 17:24, 8 June 2024 (UTC)
- @DanganMachin after learning some of my fixes for my other article which I'm working on, I decided to take one look of this article and realized that many fixes still need to be address so I would recommend to request this article at the Guild of Copy Editors. NatwonTSG2 (talk) 18:00, 18 June 2024 (UTC)
- Since this review doesn't seem to be going anywhere, I'm going to quick fail this article, as it's already been listed at GOCE for further improvement. Best of luck with your further writing, and hopefully we'll see this back at GAN in an improved state. joeyquism (talk) 22:23, 23 June 2024 (UTC)