Talk:Franz Burgmeier/GA1

GA Review

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Hi. This is my first GAR, so bear with me on this one. I'll post some comments as soon as I've gone through the article. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 10:20, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Looks pretty good, some minor things though:

"He spent only one season with Aarau before a move to the previous season's runner-ups FC Basel in 2006." I always thought the the plural of "runner-up" was "runners-up" ("runner" being the noun).
- Indeed. Fixed. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"His two seasons with Basel were broken up by a loan spell with FC Thun, before he moved to English League Two-side Darlington in August 2008." You've already introduced Darlington in the first sentence, so you could probably just say "His two seasons with Basel were broken up by a loan spell with FC Thun, before he moved to Darlington in August 2008."
- I've changed it. I think I put it in for future but you're right, it's overuse at the moment. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Is their something you can link "loan" to in order to explain it?
- Linked. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"Burgmeier was born in Triesen, Liechtenstein, a small town, with a population of 4,500, close to the border with Switzerland." Doesn't need the comma after "a small town".
- Done. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"Burgmeier has a girlfriend, Monica, who lives in Switzerland. She also plays football, as a full back, in National League B." I guess I have a problem with this being in a section called "Early life". A related problem here could be a lack of an "Outside football" section. The page as it stands is really about his career. It is probably not at this stage hugely important, but is there anything you can add outside of that area?
- My last GAN, it was thought best to keep all the personal life together rather than have a separate one-line section. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  - My thinking then is that you should rename the section "Personal life", as it's not all about his early life. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 23:53, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    - Changed. Peanut4 (talk) 00:03, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
And you don't know Monica's last name?
- There's only one source and it doesn't name her I'm afraid. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  - Hmmm. I think that if you name her at all it just highlights the fact that you don't know her last name. Her name probably isn't needed at all. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 23:53, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    - I understand what you mean. But I think it's best left in since it is more likely to be improved if the details are there, rather than improved it it's not there. Peanut4 (talk) 00:03, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"the Fall Season". Shouldn't it be "Autumn" on this page?
- It's officially called the Fall Season. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"FC Aarau" begins with a linking word. I would probably avoid that.
- Changed. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Little indication is given about why he changed clubs. Was it personal or professional reasons (two or three times in the article)?
- It mentions the reason for leaving Vaduz and Basel. Not sure about why he left Aarau. I guess it was because they were a better side but I'll try find a source on it. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  - Looking at it, I think we can just put it down to moving up. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 23:53, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"Liechtenstein won another two games in their following qualifying campaign—for the 2008 European Championships." The dash probably isn't necessary.
References seem fine, RSSSF is probably OK on close inspection despite my initial reservations.
- RSSSF is regarded as a WP:RS and used in FAs. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
No chance of a picture?
- There's nothing on flickr. And don't know of any others. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Should you be referencing the infobox? (height, weight etc. should probably be referenced, since they are not mentioned in the article).
- It's only the height that isn't referenced elsewhere. It is covered by the soccerbase link in external links and isn't normally referenced in other football bios unless there's a discrepancy. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  - That's fine. Most infoboxes aren't directly referenced anyway. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 23:53, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

There's no really big issues there, just an "Outside football" section, though you could just rename "Early life" "Personal life". You've probably already thought about pictures, and though not a requirement, it could be useful. I'll put the article on hold for these minor concerns to be addressed. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 11:04, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I think I've replied above to everything. Let me know what you think. Peanut4 (talk) 17:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Just a couple of things there. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 23:53, 30 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

OK, cool, looks good to me.

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Congratulations. Actually a really good article given the relative lack of info. I'll now stumble around trying to update the relevant sections. Apterygial ^talk_stalk^{insane idea} 00:08, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much. And thanks for the review. I notice you said it was your first GA review; having done more than 100 reviews myself, I'd like to say well done on a good review (although I suppose it's easy to say that when you've passed it!!). All the best with further reviews. Peanut4 (talk) 00:12, 1 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]