Talk:Frances Gertrude McGill/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ceranthor (talk · contribs) 03:17, 25 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this. ceranthor 03:17, 25 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"Frances Gertrude McGill (November 18, 1882 – January 21, 1959) was a pioneering Canadian forensic pathologist, criminologist and allergologist." - isn't it typically "allergist"?
"After graduating with her medical degree in 1915" - from where?
"McGill made a name for herself in Saskatchewan, first as provincial bacteriologist and then provincial pathologist. " - "made a name for herself" isn't really encyclopedic; maybe "became known locally or regionally as"; also need "a" before "provincial bacteriologist" and "as a " before "provincial pathologist"
"She continued to act as consultant to the RCMP up until her death." - "a" consultant

Done I've added the name of her university, rewritten the "made a name for herself" section, and added the various "a"s. Regarding the odd allergologist term: "allergologist" specifically denotes a scientist who specializes in allergy research, while "allergist" refers solely to a physician who treats allergies. McGill completed research on allergies and developed her own diagnosis/treatment methods, so I think allergologist is an accurate term, but it's true that "allergist" is also relevant to her work (she treated patients directly) — so I have added "allergist" to her list of occupations in the lead. Alanna the Brave (talk) 15:34, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and education

"In 1915, McGill completed her medical degree at the University of Manitoba, having received the Hutchison Gold Medal for the highest student average[9][10]," - surely you mean grade point average?
"McGill became interested in pathology and took a special course.[1]:3" - a special course in pathology? in some subspecialty? needs to be more clear

Done I've copy-edited these two sentences for clarity. Alanna the Brave (talk) 15:34, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Career

"During the Great Depression of the 1930s, McGill used her own resourcefulness" - remove "own"
"Her retirement didn't last long." - no contractions, and this sentence does not really add anything/is written sort of in an overly conversational tone

Done I've cut "own" and deleted the unnecessary "her retirement didn't last long". Alanna the Brave (talk) 15:34, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Cases and methodology

"Whenever McGill encountered a memorable case in her forensic work, she often gave it a name.[7]" - can you integrate this into the following paragraph, rather than keeping it as a single sentence one?
"In the Elzie Burden Case, when a migrant worker was suspected of murder, McGill found evidence that a local youth was the true culprit.[11] In the 1934 Wilkie Case [1]:46-51, McGill gave testimony for a case in which a couple had poisoned their son with carbon monoxide.[16]" - it seems odd to give names to cases and then give just very brief descriptions of them... any ideas for a better way to go about doing this?

Good comments. I agree that the current layout of this section is a little less than satisfactory. Part of the issue is that some cases just aren't described in great detail anywhere, but that's not true of all of them. I'm thinking I could improve this section by (a) selecting the cases with the most info/details available, (b) expanding them, and (c) separating these cases by sub-headings within the article section. I could collect the less-detailed cases together at the end of the section (or possibly delete some). In order to do this, however, I'm going to have to get a hold of one of my book sources again (The Pathological Casebook of Dr. Frances McGill), which may take a week or two to accomplish. How does that sound? Alanna the Brave (talk) 15:34, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

" Mrs. C. A. Lewis prize in a women's rifle competition.[17] " -which is? what's the importance?

Done I'm not sure whether the "Mrs. C. A. Lewis" prize was particularly notable – I haven't found anything suggesting that it was widely known – so I've cut the name and just called it "a prize". Alanna the Brave (talk) 15:34, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Death and legacy

Seems a bit brief for such a long career. Any more material available?

At this point, I've done a pretty thorough search: I've scanned library systems for books and archival material, I've scanned the Internet for online sources, and I've contacted other Canadian historical researchers to see if they can point me in the direction of any other useful materials (not much luck). Frances McGill was very well-known during her lifetime, but she seems to be one of those historical figures who became (unfortunately) rather obscure after her death. There are no buildings or scholarships named after McGill, no statues, plaques or postal stamps featuring her, and she generally isn't mentioned in history or forensic pathology books. Alanna the Brave (talk) 15:34, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Good work on an article describing the life and career of an extraordinary woman. I will come back with more comments once these are addressed. ceranthor 15:55, 26 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

References

Does ref 1 have page numbers?
Ref 5 needs an accessdate. So does ref 16.
Ref 4 needs a period after pp. to be consistent with other references
Earwig's tool mostly checks out: just one thing could be paraphrased in your own words a bit better, though (see below):
- "McGill continued to serve as a special consultant to the RCMP" vs. source: "Dr. McGill was appointed its Honorary Surgeon on January 16, 1946, and continued to serve as a consultant to the force"

Mostly done -- I added access dates to those refs, added the period, and rephrased that sentence. I don't quite understand your query about the page numbers of ref 1, however. I pulled information from many pages of Ref 1, and that is reflected in the inline page citations (e.g. "1:5-8"). Would you like me to specify the range of pages used in the reference list itself (i.e. pp. 1 - 161)?

Images

If you can find a source for the Saskatchewan Legislative Building picture from Regina library, that would be fabulous
Otherwise, they seem appropriately sourced/attributed and encyclopedic.

Done I've updated/confirmed the source for the image (photo resides in the City of Regina Archive). Alanna the Brave (talk) 17:52, 30 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Once these are addressed, I'll do a final read-through, but I think this is nearly ready to be promoted to GA. ceranthor 16:49, 27 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]