Talk:Frames (Lee DeWyze album)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: LazyBastardGuy (talk · contribs) 02:50, 9 March 2014 (UTC) MINE! :D[reply]

Seriously, though, I'm hoping to do more frequent article reviews in this area and this looks like a good place to start. Expect me back here soon.

Thank you! I'm looking forward to getting your comments. :) --Jpcase (talk) 02:29, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'm sorry this is taking so long, we'll get started here soon I promise! Lazy Bastard Guy 02:23, 14 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

No problem. :) --Jpcase (talk) 03:05, 14 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I at least have comments on the lead paragraph, so let's get started there. I'll do a copyedit of the whole article just so I don't have to nitpick, and that's in progress. But first thing's first:

Lead

The lead should be more brief. Instead of listing all the other producers and songwriters with whom he worked, I would recommend either listing only a few and prefacing it with "such as" or just saying he didn't work on some of the songs alone. Information such as this works better when presented later in the article; it looks cluttered way up here.
A paragraph regarding the singles released from the album is a must, but the way it's written here strikes me as... wrong, at least for the lead paragraph. We'll work something out.

General

Whoa, whoa, whoa... whoa. Lots and lots and lots and lots of unnecessary details here. Most if not all of this could easily be boiled down.

"Promotion" and "Touring" are laden with unnecessary tidbits about the exact particulars of how his album was, well, promoted & toured. Each new sentence is a boring repetition that some song was featured in this, that or the other, or that he played here and there with so-and-so. We don't need the entire campaign trail spelled-out here. Some references indicating that this occurred would be fine, but again, it really needs to be boiled down. It's telling that they're the longest sections in the article and much much longer than any I've ever seen before for such subtopics.

The article spends a lot of time on an appearance he made on American Idol; it was one appearance. It probably does not even need critical assessment; it detracts too much from the focus upon the album itself.

"Touring" is especially clunky because it really goes into way too much detail about each of his shows. I even removed a bit about how one of the Idols he toured with toured with some other Idol earlier in the year, in a detail completely irrelevant to the subject at hand. The concert schedule and bill listings are way too specific. We only need, "In year, DeWyze toured in country", if necessary with "...with so-and-so as a supporting act" (if they stayed with him long enough). Only really, really notable gigs need to be singled-out, but I wouldn't know which ones were. I can tell a lot, I mean a lot, of work went into it, though.

Other issues I see include the Reception section being disorganized and lacking a review scores template, as well as not really being balanced with how the viewpoints were represented (you're telling me you couldn't find one negative review for this album? I'm tempted to throw in something cheeky but am not sure whether it would be called for even if meant in jest and followed with ;), so I'll just abstain but note that it was on my mind).

I'm really, really sorry about this, for keeping you waiting for so long and having come this far... But it's a fail at this time. There's a lot, really a lot, of work to be done and what's required goes way beyond the scope of WP:GAN reviewing. This article needs a serious overhaul for minutia; once you've gotten rid of the stuff that's not necessary, you can bring it back here and I or someone else will help you.

Again, I feel really bad I kept you waiting for this long only to shoot you down, but this article is really only halfway there at most.

Okay, I've finally cut down the "Promotion" and "Touring" sections. I believe that only the really important aspects are covered now. Here are a few questions/comments:

I re-added "Undaunted by this setback" to the beginning of the second sentence of the second paragraph in the lead (you had removed it during your copy-edit). DeWyze's optimism upon being dropped by RCA Records is discussed and referenced in the "Background" section, and I feel like the paragraph reads better with this information included. Is this okay?

What are your thoughts on improving the final paragraph of the lead and better organizing the Reception section?

All of the available reviews for the album have been included in this article. As a small, indie release, not a whole lot of critics took the time to review it. The few who did all liked it. I understand why it might have looked like a neutrality issue, but that doesn't actually happen to be the case here. --Jpcase (talk) 00:36, 24 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]