Talk:Fracture (Fringe)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Starstriker7^(Talk) 06:11, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

Hi again! I will review this one. --Starstriker7^(Talk) 06:11, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

Criterion 1a (clear prose, spelling/grammar correct)

Plot

"While Peter and Olivia interview his wife, she gets sick with flashes " --> Clarify who "she" is.

• "discovers the drugs the cop was injecting himself with." --> Can this be rephrased so there isn't a preposition hanging out at the end?
• "can discover the project's doctors" --> can find the project's doctors?
• "Peter learns from an old acquaintance the identity of one of the Iraqi doctors, who then tells them the project was meant to cure soldiers exposed to a fatal chemical, but it mostly failed to work, and turned remaining survivors into into human bombs" --> Two comments on this sentence. The first is that it is a run-on sentence, and it should be broken up. Secondly, "it mostly failed to work" sounds a tad awkward; try to rephrase it.
• "A colonel now AWOL, Raymond Gordon, was opposed to the project shutting down, and Peter and Olivia suspect he is behind the cop's explosion, and caused the deaths by emitting a radio signal." --> This sentence is also a run-on. I find the "a colonel now AWOL" and "was opposed to the project shutting down" slightly awkward as well, so these should be rephrased in addition to breaking up the run-on.

• All fixed

Production

• "guest spot" --> I've never heard this phrase before. I don't think adding "guest appearance" again in its place would be overly redundant, but you should fix it in the manner you see most fit.

• Fixed

Cultural references

• "Peter mentions his father" --> mentions that his father?
• Is Ms July supposed to have a period?

• Both fixed

Reception (Ratings)

• "Fringe was among the shows with the biggest increase, " --> Insert a "With the debut of this episode" at the beginning.

• Not to sure where I would insert this one. Currently the sentence says "After time shifted viewing was taken into account, Fringe was among the shows with the biggest increase, as its 18–49 rating rose 30 percent to score 3.9." Do I insert "with a debut..." before "after time shifted viewing"?

Criterion 1b (meets MOS guidelines on lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists)

Lead

• The lead says "generally negative" reviews, and the reception section says "generally mixed."

• Fixed to say mixed

Criterion 2a (all info cited, ref section exists)

All clear here.

Criterion 2b (inline citations to reliable sources; challengeable stuff cited)

All clear here too.

Criterion 2c (no original research)

All set.

Criterion 3a (main aspects addressed)

Yes, they are.

Criterion 3b (article is focused just right)

• To tie reference 8 into its first citation location concerning Ms.(?) July, you should mention that she was a Playboy model.

• Fixed

Criterion 4 (no undue weight)

I mentioned a note about a discrepancy between a tidbit of info in the lead and in the Reception section; otherwise, no problems here.

Criterion 5 (stable)

Stabler than a mountain.

Criterion 6a (fair-use images have all their papers in order)

All set.

Criterion 6b (images are relevant and have good captions)

Everything is good here.

Overall comments

Once again, just a couple comments to address. Good work, Ruby. Keep them coming. :) --Starstriker7^(Talk) 07:07, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

• I fixed/replied to all of your comments. Thanks very much for the review! It's much appreciated :) Ruby2010 comment! 15:06, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

• Of course! I made one last copyedit, but you've done a great job with the fixes I've requested. This one is a pass. :) --Starstriker7^(Talk) 20:11, 5 June 2011 (UTC)