Talk:Formula, Vol. 1/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Moswento (talk · contribs) 08:02, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Yo, I'll tackle this one - it's been sitting here long enough! I'll aim to post comments below over the weekend. Moswento ^talky 08:02, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you very much for the review. I'll try to get most of it done today, but they're might be some delays as college has me somewhat. It shouldn't take over a week though. Erick (talk) 22:05, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Overall

Overall, this is a good well-researched and generally well-written article. It covers all aspects of the album, from production to reception, comprehensively enough. The text needs polishing in a few places, and I've highlighted these below. Once my comments have been addressed, I will be very happy to promote this to GA. Good work! Moswento ^talky 15:55, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"composed and co-produced by Santos with Ivan Chevere in bachata" - This reads as if Ivan Chevere composed some of the material, rather than just co-producing it. I'm not sure what the "in bachata" adds here?

I carefully reworded to make sense.

Wikilink Walmart?

Done

"four of which reached number-one" - the "of which" doesn't work after a semi-colon. I would be tempted to start a new sentence

Done "Four of these reached number-one on the Billboard Hot Latin Songs chart in the U.S." Done

"number one"/"number-one" - you use both in this article. Please be consistent - I don't see the need for the hyphen

Only the see also articles have it now

Background

"the best-selling Latin album of 2009 The Last." - I think you need a comma before The Last

Done

"Santos was announced as the star of an upcoming comedy series" - I don't see this as particularly relevant background, and is also problematic for a number of reasons, including the fact that I couldn't find any news on this in the past year. I would stick with something like "Soon after the band's separation in early 2011, Santos signed a record deal..."

Done

" and that the album would contain two or three tracks in English" - This part of his statement is no longer necessary, as the album's been released and we will find out in a few sentences' time what's on it

Done

Recording

"Recording, music style, writing, and composition" - This is an unnecessarily long title. "Recording and composition" or "Music and lyrics" would be fine.

Agreed

"a man who regrets making a deal with a she-devil after losing the bet." - which bet?

In the song, it says that he lost the game of love to a she-devil, which I now noted.

"Santos said he presented Usher with the idea for the collaboration, which Usher accepted and enjoyed the duet despite not speaking Spanish." - this is a bit wordy. We can assume Usher accepted, and that he didn't sing at gunpoint! Perhaps "Santos said the collaboration was his idea, and that User enjoyed the duet despite not speaking Spanish"?

Haha, fair point!

"proceeding" - "preceding"

Done

"He also said that he intended to write more English-language songs on the album but did not want to stray far from his musical origins." - This sentence is a bit awkward here. I would suggest moving it to the top of the section, making a statement about the language used on the album, and that he would have liked to include more English. You might then want to break into a new paragraph at "The album begins..."

Done

Commercial reception

"an deluxe edition" - "a deluxe edition"

Done

"making the biggest sales of week" - I think this needs rewording!

{{done|I reworded to "making it the biggest debut sales"

"and thirty non-consecutive weeks at number-one" - the "at number-one" here is redundant, so you can take it out

Done

"By March 2013" - the lead says "By May 2012". Please clarify

I forgot to update the lead. This is to ensure the reader that the sales haven't changed since May 2012

"291.000" - "291,000"

Done

"Santos is tenth artist " - "the tenth artist"

Done

"second-most number one singles" - this is a bit awkward. Can you rephrase? Perhaps "Only Enrique Inglesias has had more number one hits from a single album".

Done

Promotion

"At the 12th Latin Grammy Awards, Romeo Santos and Usher performed "Promise"." - This sentence really stands out (in a bad way) here, because the rest of the section is about touring. I'd suggest moving this sentence to the appropriate part of the 'Singles' section above.

I decided to remove it altogether. It's already mentioned on the article on song so I think it best fits there instead.

"his 66-show" - "a 66-show"

Done

"which stating" - "which started"

Done

"Three men from the audience were selected to perform "Debate de 4" with Santos." - This isn't quite what the source says. In fact, the source is quite ambiguous about what the men who were selected from the audience did.

I replaced it with a source from the NY Times that says he did

"his world tour" - "a world tour"

Done

" Florida, Georgia, Massachusetts, Virginia, Illinois, Texas, California, Arizona", "Caracas, Valencia, Barquisimeto, San Cristóbal, Mérida, Maracaibo, and Puerto La Cruz." - I think this is perhaps too much detail for the album article. This kind of detail is better suited to the tour article. This section just needs to give us an overview of where he toured.

Done

"On December 15, 2012, Santos performed at the Estadio Olímpico in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic..." - again, I think this is too much detail for this section. Try cutting down the text to two paragraphs.

Done

Critical reception

He also wrote that Santos had kept the album to a "tenor cross bachata, nuevo flamenco, and merengue, melded with just enough contemporary R&B, to create an intoxicating brew." - This doesn't quite make sense. The point the reviewer is making is that Santos' mix of genres creates an "intoxicating brew". It's the "intoxicating brew" bit that's worth quoting.

Done

"writing that while the album still retains the sounds of bachata, Santos takes risks with the sound and collaborates with other artists from different genres" - This is currently written as a statement rather than an opinion. My Spanish is a bit rusty, but the reviewer seems to comment favourably on the risks. This should be reflected in this sentence.

The review is saying even though Santos takes risks with the collaborations and fushions, the bachata tracks don't really sound any different from each other.

"describing Santos's solo act as "even more ambitious in its reach"" - this isn't really a very good statement to quote for a review section. It'd be better to go with something like, "describing the album as a successful "balancing act between past and present""

Done

"a "treacly power balladry"" - no need for the "a" here

Done

Accolades

My only real comment on the prose in this section is that it's a bit repetitive. I realise this is hard to correct, but the frequent use of "received" makes this very difficult to read. Try playing around with it a bit.

Used a thesaurus for help.

Sources

I don't have any issues here

Thank you again for the review. If there's any additional tips I can work further work on as I'll be working this towards FA, let me know! :) Erick (talk) 04:18, 14 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Yo, Erick. Thanks for replying to my comments. This article now definitely meets all of the GA criteria, so it is with great pleasure that I am promoting it. As for working towards FA - I have absolutely no experience of the FA process, so I wouldn't have any specific suggestions. But I'd definitely encourage you to keep working on this article and get the input of some other experienced music-related editors...and maybe I'll see this on the main page some day! Take care, and keep up the good work. Moswento ^talky 12:24, 16 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]