Talk:Fleetwood Park Racetrack/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 23:31, 3 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get to this in the next few days. Ealdgyth (talk) 23:31, 3 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

General:
- There are a lot of short paragraphs - which gives a very choppy feel to the article. Can we combine some of them? Like the second and third paragraphs of The Club could be combined easily, I'd think, as an example. Likewise the second and third paragraphs of Physical Description.
The Club:
- "admitted to the circuit" the Grand Circuit?

I'm not sure what to do with this. I agree that this last sentence is a little awkward, but I don't think it needs to be explicit that it's the Grand Circuit; that's mentioned in the immediately preceding sentence, so saying "grand" again would feel repetitive. I'm certainly open to suggestions on how to make this less awkward.

- "had his stables and Fleetwood Park Club nearby" did Bonner own the racetrack or is this "Fleetwood Park Club" something different than the racetrack?

My understanding is that the "Fleetwood Park Club" was a private club owned by Bonner, located next to the racetrack. He did not own the racetrack, but was a member (and at one time the president) of the Driving Club. I'll try to clarify this, but none of the sources I've found are explicit on this. I suspect it was obvious to contemporaneous readers.

- "Members of the club" which club - the Driving Club or the Fleetwood Park Club?

This got resolved by rearranging things; at the point where I now say "Members of the club", there's only one club that's been mentioned, so it's unambigious.

Transportation:
- "A 1870 Thomas Kelly lithograph depicting "well dressed" men and women arriving by carriage is in the collection of the National Museum of American History." suggest moving this to the caption of the lithograph or omitting entirely - it's not really very connected to the racetrack and lithographs are not that rare in museum collections.
- Suggest combining the second and first paragraphs here.

Done both of these.

Miscellaneous:
- "The alternative locations in New York were Inwood, Oak Point-Barretto Point, Port Morris, Cedar Park, and Morningside Park-Riverside Park-Bloomingdale Asylum." doesn't add anything to the knowledge of the racetrack, suggest cutting this.

Done

- Combine the second and third paragraphs together

Done

- The last two paragraphs are pure trivia and should be deleted. Neither the death of a local resident nor a small lawsuit over purely local concerns is really noteworthy and should just go.

Done

I copyedited some, please make sure I didn't inadvertently change meaning while doing so.
I randomly googled three phrases and only turned up Wikipedia mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no sign of copyright violation.

I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth (talk) 15:20, 7 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Ealdgyth: OK, I think I've addressed all of your items. Please take another look. -- RoySmith (talk) 17:32, 7 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Those changes look good, I can deal with the "circuit" issue staying as is. Passing this now! Ealdgyth (talk) 18:14, 7 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Every one of your suggestions was spot-on and appreciated. -- RoySmith (talk) 18:32, 7 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]