Talk:Five Short Graybles/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: BenLinus1214 (talk · contribs) 15:58, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Third on my "to review" list, after The Wanderers (1979 film) and Jharokha Darshan. BenLinus 1214^talk 15:58, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: That is quite an impressive GA/FA/FL résumé! I have been meaning to work on some The Office episode articles myself, so let me know if there's anything I can do to help you in that regard! :) I'm currently working on a bunch of Veronica Mars episode articles (several of which are at GA--could you be so kind as to review one as a quid pro quo type thing), but I could take on an Office article or two if you want. Anyways, on with the review! Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 22:09, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I'm a little busy at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I can knock out one or two of those articles. Give me a few days. :) If I don't respond/forget, feel free to leave a message on my talk page, and I'll be sure to do it!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: Great! Anything on The Office I can help you with? Also, I can review season 6 of Adventure Time if you would review two. :) Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 02:38, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@BenLinus1214: That would be awesome! And I can do two no prob! As for The Office, really where ever you want to jump in would be great. Seasons one, two, three, four, eight, and nine are all done (although season three and four could use some tidying up). When I last was working on them, I was chipping away at season 7. You're welcome to jump in there if you want!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:02, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Gen. Quon: Hm…I might start at the beginning of season five actually--up until "The Duel (The Office)", I don't think any are GAs. "Weight Loss (The Office) is one of my favorite episodes, so I might start there. Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 03:28, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Shouldn't the part about Emo Phillips go in the third paragraph of the lead, as it is discussed in the production section?
This is just a habit on my part. To maintain consistency with the other pages, is it OK if I keep it there?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"The episode can trace its origin…" I find this sentence a bit clunky, and it doesn't get the point across very well. Might I suggest "The episode's premise was conceived when Ward was forced to cut a scene involving a high-five from a previous script. Ward enjoyed the scene so much that he decided to write an entire episode based around high-fives."
Good change! Implemented.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"This, however, was later scrapped" Maybe just add "…in favor of the character of Cuber".
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I know that people differ on this, but I don't like excerpts from particular critics in the lead. If you really want to, you can keep it, but I would prefer just "The episode received largely positive critical reviews."
See down a bit.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Also, before that sentence, can you write something about the ratings?
I added the rather vague sentence from the broadcast section.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
For those of us who are relatively unfamiliar with the series (I've seen a few episodes, but…) why are you calling BMO "it"?
This is tricky, since BMO is a genderless robot. I could go with the singular "their"/"they", or with a masculine pronoun, but I just went with it. Should that be further clarified?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Put character links where possible (i.e. Princess Bubblegum and the Ice King)
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"He traveled to Hawaii to 'treat himself'" What does "treat himself" mean? And why would he need to go to Hawaii and "treat himself" if he were excited?
I tried to reword this to make it less colloquial and a little more direct.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
After the sentence about Twitter, you should probably do a ref to the tweet or something that contains it.
They only mentioned it on the DVD commentary, and I can't seem to find the tweet, so I just added the commentary citation tag immediately after the sentence. Would that work?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"The song also contains the short song…" What song is the bigger song?
Whoops! My bad, I meant 'episode' the first time.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
No comma between "pitch" and "and"
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Why was it included on Jake vs. Me-Mow?
I honestly have no idea. Those compilation DVDs are really just randomly thrown together as far as I can tell.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is there actually only one review of the episode out there? If so, you can't really say "largely positive critical reviews" up in the lead based on one review. If this is the case, remove the consensus in the lead and keep Sava's thoughts.
Alas, the A.V. Club is the only big review I can find.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Too bad…that's fine then though.

This is very close to passing! This should honestly only take you a few minutes. Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 22:09, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work. Pass. Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 02:38, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:02, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail: