Talk:First interracial kiss on television/GA2
GA Review
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Reviewer: Azealia911 (talk · contribs) 13:06, 8 January 2016 (UTC)
Hello, I'm Azealia911 and I'll be reviewing this good article nomination. I'll be posting my review soon. Azealia911 talk 13:06, 8 January 2016 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]- "The first interracial kiss on television was the first time two persons of different races were broadcast kissing on television." is simply saying the same thing in re-worded phrases right next to one another, try "The first interracial kiss on television is a much debated topic concerning who the first two persons of different races to kiss on television were.".
- Add a comma after "2015".
- "was uncovered which was broadcast in June 1962.[1]" → "was uncovered, which was first broadcast in June 1962."
- You don't need to source things in the lead which are later sourced in the prose, so reference one can be removed from here.
I Love Lucy
[edit]- Link I Love Lucy during its first occurrence in the section.
- Link Caucasian.
- "to a race, and Arnaz was usually" → "to a race. Arnaz was usually"
You in Your Small Corner and Hot Summer Night
[edit]- Add a comma after "1962".
- Remove the commas after "Corner" and "Reckford".
- Italicize Play of the Week.
- "In the play there is shown a kiss between" → "During the play, a kiss takes place between"
- Link YouTube.
- Add a comma after Ted Willis.
Emergency Ward 10
[edit]- Link watershed, remove the quotation marks surrounding it.
- "done prior" → "conducted prior"
Star Trek and rival American claims
[edit]- I think it would be more beneficial to rename this section simply "American television", as it does primarily cover Star Trek, but throughout discusses the first kiss on American television.
- Merge the first and the second paragraphs, there's no need to split after just one sentence.
References
[edit]- Some MoS:DASH violations in reference titles.
- Keep one date presentation concurrent through the entire article, DMY seems to be the one used most often, so convert dates in references 4 & 5 to that format.
External links
[edit]- Please capitalise the 'c' in 'Clip'.
- Add full stops to the external link titles.
- Bonus points if you pander to my OCD and alphabetize the categories.
Suggestion
[edit]This article is very brief, there's no debate about it. While I wouldn't lose any sleep over passing a short article as GA, it would be easier if there was more substance within the prose. Would it be possible to encompass a section on how these kisses were received in terms of broadcaster pressure, audience reaction / complaints and such?
- Status: On-hold for seven days while you correct issues I've pointed out. Azealia911 talk 13:59, 8 January 2016 (UTC)
- I'll be failing this review on Thursday after this time if no improvements have been made between now and then. Azealia911 talk 10:50, 19 January 2016 (UTC)
- Apologies for the delay. I believe I've made all these corrections - please let me know if I missed something and thanks again! LavaBaron (talk) 04:39, 21 January 2016 (UTC)
- I'll be failing this review on Thursday after this time if no improvements have been made between now and then. Azealia911 talk 10:50, 19 January 2016 (UTC)
- Passing. Azealia911 talk 10:52, 21 January 2016 (UTC)
- Forgive if I'm doing this wrong. In The Wild Wild West, James T. West (Robert Conrad) and Princess Ching Ling (Pilar Seurat), shared multiple white and Asian interracial kisses in "The Night the Dragon Screamed", aired 1966 Jan 14. West also shared multiple white and Asian interracial kisses with Reiko O'Hara (Irene Tsu) in "The Night of the Samurai", aired 1967 Oct 13. Both of those pre-date Star Trek's 1968 episode "Plato's Stepchildren" on American TV. While you can see this on the show's DVDs or the episodes themselves when they're posted on YouTube, I do not have secondary source. If someone knows how to add this info to the main article, please do.